youdon'tknowjackson

They're Red Hot!!

just a little thing going on... i am going to be making a journey back up to ohio to set my soul free. this seemingly endless journey across the united states (of hypocrisy) will be coming full circle. it is going to be a historically notable event when i get off of the plane. i imagine all of the great reporters standing outside to interview me on how my travel was. i will arrive downtown to a ticker-tape parade... one you might see when a good (not george "fuck-box" bush) rolls through town. the men will be in the streets cheering for me, and the women fainting from my adonis looks... nevermind.

notice the female pig batting her eyelashes on this picture!

Halfway houses suck!

                So... the first thing I wanna say is... Halfway houses suck!  The last thing I heard before I came over here to the office to write this was, "I know she's fat, but should I fuck her anyways?"  That is pretty much the norm around here.  Old shirtless men walking around and the wasted youth (my generation... and judging from the old shirtless men, not much has changed since 1972).  Everyday, I find myself trying to rise above this bullshit, but it really never works all that well.  Every time I open my mouth, people accuse me of being a "faggot" or a "bitch."  Well... I sure as fuck am not a cigarette or female dog (if you can't see the humor in that, go read a fucking book). 

            My house is a very strange place to live.  I have three other roommates. #1  Jeff, the punk.  He is a defiant junkie from Jersey.  I like him.  Good man.  I would feel proud to stand, middle finger raised, with him in front of the White House.  #2  Frank, the prize child of god-forsaken West Palm Beach.  He is quite frankly ( :-} ) a creepy motherfucker.  He enjoys writing his (i think imaginary) girlfriend's name, inside of little hearts, on the back of his spiral notebook.  Not to rip on the man or anything, but he also can't really move his neck.  Thus creating Frankenstein.  #3  Last but not least... Sean, the smelly, sandal wearing, ex-pot dealer, wannabe marine biologist, stoner hippie-fuck.  This is my house...

To be continued...

I Roc U

                    What's up ... First off, I haven't posted in quite some time. Well, over a year. Last time I posted, I think I was fresh out of treatment. Right now, I'm living in a halfway house in south Florida -- Palm Beach Gardens, to be precise. I've been on the treatment roller coaster for nearly eight months now. I went from bolting the Keating Center in Cleveland and relapsing to turning myself in to the beautiful, manila brick walls of the Lakewood City Jail. I spent two weeks there, and my P.O. (for those of you who are so naive to not know what that means - you people who have never been arrested! - it is a probation officer) sent me to a treatment center in Montana. W.T.F. ... A suburban-turned-city boy (well, anatomically and age wise, a man) stuck out in the middle of mountains. Missing teeth, gun racks in the back of pickup trucks, mountain tweakers and elk! Of course, that is not really how Montana is. Yea, people hunt there and everything like that. But it is a beautiful place with beautiful people. It's just, can I say, different. Different from the mass cluster-fuck of subdivisions, high rises and warehouses. Anyway, I went to a lot of groups, played a lot of frisbee golf, ultimate frisbee, and hiked around Yellowstone National Park for twenty days. It was an uplifting experience. I got a little clean time under my belt and some clarity of my addiction. From Montana, I was sent to a nice little halfway house in south Florida that houses thirty-some-odd guys. From there, I got a job working for the big coffee company (I will not utter the name in fear of being charged some fucking insane amount of money) and got a sponsor. I started going to meetings, but I found myself isolating a lot. I did that because of my great fear of being held down. I'm not a person who is meant to be held down. Over the last couple of months, I have started to open up more to new people, places, and things. I still don't have many friends down here, but I have some level of comfort and am feeling a little more at home. The best thing to come of this experience (other than being sober again), is that I have a routine now. Most days I get up, take a shower, go to work, hit a meeting and then go to sleep. The process is also applicable in reverse. Today, my life is all right. I am taking the steps to better it. I am growing. It's a fucking beautiful thing.

                Anyway ... The whole "I Roc U" thing is something I saw today. It was the license plate off of a late 80's Iroc-Z.

It's Been A Long Minute

Today I have been sober for a month again.  It feels good, but I am still not back to normal.  My head is all screwed up.  This time I really disconnected myself from reality.  Since nobody in A.A. really wants to hear my drug-a-log, i'll post it for the whole world to see.  My Mother does it anyway.  I relasped on some drug store shit.  A little bit of dxm.  I didn't know how to get drugs anymore.  That didn't last very long.  I started smokin a little bit of weed and drinkin a little.  Both things that I had never enjoyed the first time around.  I fell in love with smokin pot.  After a month or so, I decided to find some L.S.D... Found.  I "tripped" a couple of times, and looked for some coke.  I found it of course.  It wasn't as fun as i remembered.  I chased a high that wasn't there for about a week.  I went back to weed.  I smoked a little bit of crack in there, and ate some mushrooms and ecstasy too.  In october I smoked methamphetamines for the first time ever.  I fell in love again... That started another addiction.  I came out sometime shortly after the new year, a new man.  I was the shell of a man.  A fucked up man riddled with drug addiction.  I lost many friends to my meth "habit."  Nobody wanted to be around me, and I didn't want to be around myself.  From Jan. til April 5th I mixed a combo of pot, L.S.D., coke, crack, herion, ecstasy and meth to ease my pain.   Usually had no less than  three  illegal  substances in my body over a twenty-four hour period.  I smoked, snorted, ate, and shot anything I could get my hands on... Which was anything.  I'll leave out all the horrible places and people i've seen.  That is what losing track of your path at three years sober can do to you. 

If anyone has a problem with this... Take a look at yourself. 

Holy Shit

...holy shit i forgot that i even had this anymore.  oh my lord it's been a long-ass time since i've posted.  a really long time.  well... 2005 is going pretty well.  i started to go to school(it's going "alright").  i'm having a hard time enjoying it.  it's actually a bit of a drag.  the good thing is that i'm doing it.  i'm going to continue to do it!  my future is riding on it... lol.  this feels kinda good right now.  i'm enjoying writing this.  even though i don't like school, i'm really excited to start my classes for my program.  i'm going to do a sound engineering program.  you know... since i love music so much, i should probably take some part in creating it.  i'm still playing my music too.  i haven't found any musicians yet.  right now that's not my largest priority.  on another note, my sobriety is going well.  i'm enjoying everything about my life.  things seem to really be falling into place.  the most awesome thing you should all now about is my female situation.  well... it's kick ass.  at the beginning of the year i met this truely amazing girl.  she is the shit!  i can't really think of many words to describe how she really is, but i'll try.  for starters she's beautiful, funny, smart... you know what.  everything about her is absou-fuckin-lutley perfect.  i'm in love with her...  and for my love there are no words to descride.  and you know what's really nice?  in most situations with women, either i will be into them and they won't feel that for me... or the opposite.  with this girl, all the feelings are mutual.  we're on the same page with everything.  it's really amazing.  anyway, i'm gonna jet.  this time i will continue to blog.  i really missed doing this.  i feels kinda good.  love you all!  oh yea... rock on too!

hello...

hello.  everything is going great.  i'm at a new job and my computer has been screwed for the last two months.  i've gotten to a point where blogging is no longer pleasing me.  i never wanted to do it in the first place.  it was an idea fo school.  im a very private person.  i dont like just telling every person about my personal life.  if i can muster up the courage to check in on a regular basis, i will.  no guarantees.  i hope everybody is having a good time.  peace and rock forever.

Girls

You know what? Girls are so damn hard to understand. I think they play with you too much. Not all of them. Anyway, if you are a chick that drags guys around... fucking stop that shit. It's not cool. So... I hope i'm not offending anyone. This is a random thought. Rock on and kick some ass!

Hello Again

I haven't been writing for a really long time. Reason: Not much to talk about. I have been pretty busy with work and socializing. Everything is awsome, except for work. My work place is twisted. I'm not going into detail about it. My days are productive. I work like a machine. Not like before, when I was lazy. I'm going to try to get back into writing. There is a reason I have this website. Rock on!

10,000

Just yesterday the website logged in the 10,000th hit. I think it's been close to two years since I started the version of the site. Lately i've been lagging on my posts and the content. My life has turned into a clock. Around and around it goes. Very little changes. It's not a bad thing. I'm having fun and i'm coming away satisfied. I find myself loving sitting in a garage talking about nothing important. It's really a blast living in this world of mine. That's what it is. Mine.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. Tomorrow I think i'm going to be able to make it to a meeting. I just went back on my diet, and i'm finished with schooling. Things are looking up right now. There are no worries in my life. My guitar playing is going well too. I gotta go right now.