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Hello!

Hello! I am Jackoson in China, do you want to know more about me?

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august, 2003

Wednesday, August 27, 2003:
i moved here. come see me. you can actually see and read and leave comments. weird.
Jackson // 12:56 PM
Comment

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Tuesday, August 12, 2003:
News Of The Day

A former chief of staff of the Iraqi Republican Guard was captured Tuesday along with a general and 12 other Iraqis in raids south of Tikrit, a U.S. Army spokesman said. Lt. Col. Steve Russell said the Iraqis were caught during a three-hour raid on 20 houses south of the city, Saddam's ancestral home. Officials described the detainees as members of a family closely associated with the deposed Iraqi leader.

Word Of The Day

skulk \SKUHLK\, intransitive verb:
1. To hide, or get out of the way, in a sneaking manner; to
lurk.
2. To move about in a stealthy way.
3. To avoid responsibilities and duties.
noun:
1. One who skulks.
2. A group of foxes.

Jimmy and his crew are a bunch of skulks.

Yesterday's News

Today was a very tiring, but very fun. I started out working at about 9:30 in the morning. Chris and I got all the holes in the wall patched up. Tomorrow we have to sand them down and then paint the walls. I think when the job is done it will look damn good. We have to do it fast too. Anyway, I am very tired of the same meetings. When I go to meetings I used to go to I feel dirty. I don't think that I should go somewhere like that. Life is good these days. I am happy. Hopefully tomorrow I will have something good to talk about.
Jackson // 11:16 PM
Comment

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Monday, August 11, 2003:
News Of The Day

About 50 people have died from heat-related causes in the last four days in the Paris region, said a medical official in France Monday, as scorching temperatures continued to bake much of Europe. In a television interview a day after Parisians sweated through their hottest night on record, the head of France's emergency physicians' association, Patrick Pelloux, criticized the country's surgeon general for characterizing the deaths as natural. "They dare to talk about ... natural deaths. I absolutely do not agree with saying that," Pelloux told TF1 television. A weather station in southern Paris reported Monday it had recorded 25.5 degrees Celsius (77.9 Fahrenheit) overnight, the highest nighttime low since France started keeping records in 1873. The previous record was 24C
(75.2F), recorded on the night of July 4, 1976.

Word Of The Day

excoriate \ek-SKOR-ee-ayt\, transitive verb:
1. To express strong disapproval of; to denounce.
2. To tear or wear off the skin of.

The man excoriated the rock and roll band for the language.

Yesterday's News

Oh my God. My brother is hitched. The wedding was amazing. I loved it. Those are the only words I can use to descibe it. I really enjoyed playing guitar for it. I am proud to have taken part of it. It is a huge thing to do and he did it with the perfect girl. Mel is an awsome girl. She is so cool. I am proud to call her my sis now. I am in awe of the whole event. My bro got married. Anyway, it was great.

Jackson // 10:58 PM
Comment

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Thursday, August 07, 2003:
News Of The Day

After dropping hints about his political ambitions, movie action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Wednesday that he will run for California governor in October's recall election. The surprise announcement came during a Wednesday afternoon taping of NBC's "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno which was scheduled to air Wednesday night. Prior to the taping, it had been widely speculated that Schwarzenegger, 56, would announce he would not run. The Austrian-born movie star and moderate Republican helped fuel speculation about his political ambitions this summer, just as his movie "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" was being released. California voters will decide October 7 whether to recall Gov. Gray Davis, a Democrat, and who should replace him.

Word Of The Day

tutelage \TOO-tuhl-ij; TYOO-\, noun:
1. The act of guarding or protecting; guardianship; protection.
2. The state of being under a guardian or tutor.
3. Instruction, especially individual instruction accompanied by close attention and guidance.

Tonto was happy to be free of his girlfriends tutelage.

Yesterday's News

I am in this odd form lately. I am really happy for no reason. I am pretty carefree. It is good. I think I am relaxed about my future. A lot of the stress I feel comes from my fear of the future. I feel like I won't make it. Kinda like an impending doom. Always, I was feeling something bad was gonna happen. Bad things happen, but they will get better. The "News Of The Day" really makes me feel good. Arnold is an awsome actor. I think it would be a good thing for this country. Just let loose and chill out.

Jackson // 12:54 AM
Comment

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Wednesday, August 06, 2003:
News Of The Day

The House of Bishops voted Tuesday evening to confirm the Rev. Gene Robinson as bishop of New Hampshire, making him the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church's history. Robinson needed a simple majority of the 107 votes to be confirmed. He received 62. "It's not so much a dream as a calling from God," Robinson said after the vote. "I'm really thrilled to be on my way to being the bishop of New Hampshire.

Word Of The Day

constitutional \kon-stih-TOO-shuhn-uhl; -TYOO-\, noun:
A walk taken for one's health.

Timmy was overwieght, so he took a constutional.

Yesterday's News

I am so pumped for the wedding. I am really proud of my bro. He has turned into an awsome man. He is a great brother. I never realized how amazing and unique our relationship is. It is the only one in existance. It is pretty bad-ass. Today was bad-ass too. I went out with my friend Lauren and Benji-head. It was fun as hell. I went out east for a meeting. About 30 miles away. It was an alright meeting. I really would like to go to more meetings away from how to see what other good meetings there are.

Jackson // 12:10 AM
Comment

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Monday, August 04, 2003:
News Of The Day

U.S. forces have carried out at least 17 raids in northern Iraq in the past 24 hours as part of an operation aimed at killing or capturing Saddam Hussein, U.S. military officials said Monday. The raids -- centered around Saddam's ancestral homeland of Tikrit -- netted 80 people, including a local resistance leader and two former midlevel officials in the Iraqi government, officials said. The operations also were intended to seize weapons and money, according to military officials, and to block Saddam's access to safe houses, cash and Iraqis who may be willing to help the toppled Iraqi leader.

Word Of The Day

physiognomy \fiz-ee-OG-nuh-mee; -ON-uh-mee\, noun:
1. The art of discovering temperament and other characteristic
qualities of the mind from the outward appearance, especially
by the features of the face.
2. The face or facial features, especially when regarded as
indicating character.
3. The general appearance or aspect of a thing.

Jon decided to go into physiognomy.

Yesterday's News

Today was an overall good day. I am very happy today. I am excited for Mat's wedding. I am looking forward to it a lot. I don't have much to say. Today is good.

Jackson // 11:41 PM
Comment

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Saturday, August 02, 2003:
News Of The Day

The United States released digitally altered pictures of ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein on Friday that coalition forces are using in their efforts to track him down. The U.S. military images -- which were posted on the U.S. Central Command Web site Friday -- show five versions of Saddam. One shows him with his dyed black hair and a full beard; another wearing a salt-and-pepper beard and a white headdress with black bands; two poses show him with what would probably be his natural hair color -- gray -- and a mustache; and another shows him with gray hair and no mustache. Another set of images of the former Iraqi leader is being distributed only to members of Task Force 20 -- the elite military group charged with finding Saddam.

Word Of The Day

alfresco \al-FRES-koh\, adverb:
In the open air; outdoors.

Jim was running alfresco in the park.

Yesterday's News

Today my partner and I had our first job. It went well. We hammered it out in four hours. While we were working the conversations were based on the way I looked when I was using. He said I always had bags under my eyes and my face was always beat red. I always looked like I was worn from a long workout. I also found a family picture that I looked depressed and physically sick. I don't remember a lot from those days. They have long since passed. I never really took a look in the mirror at myself. I had never cared for my looks. I always thought I should look the part. It was scary.
Jackson // 12:47 AM
Comment

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Friday, August 01, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Seeing a rise in hacker activity that could be a prelude to a broad Internet attack, security experts Thursday urged computer users to protect their machines by installing a free patch offered by Microsoft. The Homeland Security Department warned it has detected an increase in hackers scanning the Internet to find vulnerable computers. "That's a sure sign the intruder community is actively interested in finding out who they can exploit," said Jeffrey Havrilla, an Internet security analyst at the government's CERT Coordination Center, which monitors computer security.

News Of The Day

factitious \fak-TISH-uhs\, adjective:
1. Produced artificially, in distinction from what is produced by nature.
2. Artificial; not authentic or genuine; sham.

The man gave me a factitious $100 bill.

Yesterday's News

Everyday I talk about boring things. I don't really have much to say. The reason is because I am just a plain old teenager. I really have nothing special going on daily. A lot of what I talk about is sobriety. I feel sometimes like I am just sober.

Jackson // 12:44 AM

july, 2003

Wednesday, July 30, 2003:
News Of The Day

Authorities say the woman who called the parents of a 6-year-old girl missing since 1986 was "the perpetrator of a cruel hoax." The woman who claimed to be the now-grown girl has been identified as Donna L. Walker, 35, according to Indiana State Police 1st Sgt. Dave Bursten. He said an arrest warrant has been issued charging Walker with felony identity deception and misdemeanor false reporting. "We are seeking help from the public across the land to look for this woman," said Bursten, noting that her last known address was Topeka, Kansas.

Word Of The Day

tchotchke \CHOCH-kuh\, noun:
A trinket; a knickknack.

Steph just bought a pretty tchotchke.

Yesterday's News

Today was an ordinary day, except for loosing my keys. I thought I locked my keys in the trunk of my Cavalier. I say, "I thought," for a reason. When I got the whole back-seat taken out, I discovered the keys were not in the trunk. I went inside and looked under a couch cushion and found them. It was a little stupid. I got into it with my parents about it. They thought I was a dumbass. I agree with them. I hope tomorrow brings something good.
Jackson // 11:58 PM
Comment

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News Of The Day

The Department of Homeland Security is warning that Islamic extremists might be plotting suicide airliner hijackings to be carried out before the end of the summer, with possible targets including sites in Britain, Italy, Australia or the eastern United States. "As of mid-June, Islamic extremists may have been planning suicide hijackings to be executed by the end of Summer 2003," according to the document obtained Tuesday by CNN. "The plan may involve the use of five-man teams, each of which would attempt to seize control of a commercial aircraft either shortly after takeoff or shortly before landing at a chosen airport."

Word Of The Day

abattoir \AB-uh-twahr\, noun:
A slaughterhouse

The concert was like an abattoir.

Yesterday's News

Today's adventures took an odd twist tonight when I hit a pot-hole. I bent my rim badly. Two of the lugnuts broke of in the process of taking the warped wheel off. I got my mini-wheel on and trucked on home at speeds around 25 mph. When I got onto the home stretch a black volvo came up kinda fast and passed me up in a no passing zone on an incline on a bridge. My car let out a short lived honk and that was all. He slowed down and pulled to the side on the road. He threw his shifter into the "P" gear and opened up his door. As I was passing him by he got out of the car and yelled "Fuck-off!" I was puzzled. What should I fuck-off to. Anyway, the man followed me while I was on the phone with the cops. The lady told me to go to the cop-shop. The odd part to this whole thing is that the man pulled into the station with me and got out of the car. He asked me to role down my window. I declined. He got back into his car and was pulled over less than 100 yards out of the parking lot. To be continued...
Jackson // 12:12 AM
Comment

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Monday, July 28, 2003:
News Of The Day

Saudi Arabia's foreign minister has asked to meet with President Bush on Tuesday, and a diplomatic source said the Saudi official will seek the release of all, or at least part, of the material dealing with Saudi Arabia that was kept out of the public version of the new congressional report on the attacks of September 11, 2001. A White House official confirmed the meeting would take place, and another administration official said the Saudis are upset about verbal attacks against their government that several members of Congress have launched in recent days. Prince Saud al Faisal is to meet with Bush at the White House and will likely spend time with other senior administration officials as well, the diplomatic and administration sources said.

Word Of The Day

proselytize \PROS-uh-luh-tyz\, intransitive verb:
1. To induce someone to convert to one's religious faith.
2. To induce someone to join one's institution, cause, or political party.

He was to proselytize to the wife's faith on the 19th of this month.

Yesterday's News

Today, my partner and I did an estimate at a friends house. He wants us to do it around the 10th of August. We are going to do an estimate tomorrow too. It is really cool. We have to be careful to not bite off to much to chew. I think this business can be a fun thing to do, and an easy way to make money. It is a good trade too. Painting... Hell yes. I am hoping the guy tomorrow like the price we give him. That would be great. Anyway, my weekend was pretty damn good. I am practicing music for my brother's wedding, and that is working out well. Everything is great!
Jackson // 11:25 PM
Comment

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Friday, July 25, 2003:
News Of The Day

The provisional authority in Iraq has released photographs Thursday it said were of Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay, aimed at convincing skeptical Iraqis that they were killed in a raid by U.S. troops. The pictures, said to have been taken after the brothers died in a firefight with U.S. troops Tuesday in Mosul, show grim images of the heads and upper torsos of the sons, their faces heavily bearded. An image identified as that of Uday is seen with his head shaved and with black marks on his face and head. Qusay's purported image reveals wounds apparently received in the gun battle and missile attack in which the two men died.

Word Of The Day

donnybrook \DON-ee-brook\, noun:
1. A brawl; a free-for-all.
2. A heated quarrel or dispute.

The two men got into a donnybrook about witch would take the lady out to dinner.

Yesterday's News

I am working tomorrow! I am working for a landscaping company for a few hours. It should be a good time. My friend Chris is going to be working too. I am looking forward to getting a bit of money. I am shot on funds. I am surprised that my money has lasted this long. It is nice. Tonight I went to a meeting and then went up to Friendly's afterwards. I had a good time. We just joked around and talked a little about sobriety. I watched the movie "Blow" today. It brought me back to my using days. It allowed me to see what will happen to me if I go back out. I would probably die before jail.
Jackson // 12:47 AM
Comment

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Thursday, July 24, 2003:
News Of The Day

Photographs of the bodies of Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay will be released, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said Wednesday. The pictures, taken after the brothers died in a firefight with U.S. troops on Tuesday, are described as "graphic." In answer to reporters' questions of when the photos are to be released, Rumsfeld said: "We haven't decided," but added it would be soon.

Word Of The Day

syncretic \sin-KRET-ik; sing-\, adjective:
Uniting and blending together different systems, as of
philosophy, morals, or religion.

The club began to be syncretic, accepting all the different people's beliefs.

Yesterday's News

Today was a damn good day. I had a great time with my buddy, Chris. We chilled out a decent bit. It was my Mother's birthday too. I picked her up from work early, and we went home and ate a home-made lunch. It was really nice. I really can't wait to get a couple jobs for work. I should really be talking to more people than I am. I am excited about it. Anyway, I am gonna get to sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring some cool stuff.

Jackson // 12:52 AM
Comment

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Tuesday, July 22, 2003:
Today's News

U.S. troops are investigating whether Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay were among those killed or captured during a firefight with American troops in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul, Pentagon officials told CNN. A U.S. official told CNN Pentagon Correspondent Barbara Starr that no people were captured at the house raided in Mosul, and that four people were killed. Further details were expected shortly. Meanwhile, a U.S. soldier was killed Tuesday and another was wounded in a convoy ambush north of Baghdad, the U.S. military said.

Word Of The Day

aggrandize \uh-GRAN-dyz; AG-ruhn-dyz\, transitive verb:
1. To make great or greater; to enlarge; to increase.
2. To make great or greater in power, rank, reputation, or
wealth; -- applied to persons, countries, etc.
3. To make appear great or greater; to exalt.

The were out to aggrandize the image of the band.

Yesterday's News

Lately I have been feeling like I'm cheating people. I feel like I'm not up to par. I don't know why I feel this way. I'm not sure if it is valid or imaginary. I'm sober. I'm doing my best to carry the message to other people. I'm doing all my things that make me feel better. It's odd. It might be me not really getting much accomplished outside of A.A. It might be me not playing guitar enough. Either way, I feel odd; but I try not to let it bother me too much. Anyway, yesterday was a good day. I hung out with my buddy, Chris. Tomorrow we're going to check out a room that needs to be painted over on the far west-side of Cleveland. It is one of my friend's houses. He wants his room painted different colors on the wall. It should be fun.
Jackson // 11:51 AM
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Thursday, July 17, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today was even better than yesterday. I realized that I haven't let go of all my past. I haven't accepted those things as a part of me. This doesn't feel good, but it is awesome that I can point it out. Something is happening with me. I am moving into new and exciting territory. It is gonna be a fun trip.
Jackson // 12:44 AM
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Tuesday, July 15, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today was great. I got a painting job of my own and a cute girl's phone number. I am really happy. I hope I can at least get a date out of the number. Everything is rolling smoothly with sobriety. I am not down. I am in great spirits. I am happy as ever. Tomorrow I am gonna have a great time. Hopefully. I am gonna go to a meeting and be happy. I am gonna go up to friendly's afterwards and kick it.
Jackson // 11:52 PM
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Friday, July 11, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today was nice. I had a good guitar lesson. My teacher asked me if I wanted to sit-in with his band. I couldn't cause I had a meeting to go to. He is an awsome guy. Anyway, I am going to the twelve-step weekend tomorrow. I am looking to strenthen several area's of my life. I would like to get advice on many things. I also need a weekend away from everyday life. It is so refreshing to go to these weekends. I am gonna have a blast.
Jackson // 12:18 AM
1 Comment

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Wednesday, July 09, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today has been a decent day. I forked over all my paycheck to get my car repaired. The comical part is that when I tried to start it up tonight, it shit on me again. It didn't do anything different. It has the same problems that I just paid to get fixed today. Obviously they didn't fix it right. I am a little mad. I gotta do what I gotta do.
Jackson // 11:43 PM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, July 08, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Hey. Earlier this day I was down in the dumps. Right now I am in a great mood. I am listening to some Third Wish. It is a live bootleg. My buddy lent it to me to burn. I am gonna burn a copy for my bro. I am kind of sad that he is going back to school tomorrow. It is the last time I will see him until his wedding. I am really happy for him. I think it awesome that he has met the woman of his dreams this early in his life. I hope that is how my future turns out. I guess I will just wait and fate will help me.
Jackson // 11:22 PM
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Yesterday's News

This weekend has been great. I had a lot of fun with my friends. I have met a lot of new people, too. These people I have started hanging out with are so nice and accepting. I am getting a lot out of these relationships already. I am loving every bit of life. My guitar playing is awesome, and my old relationships are getting better. My old sponsor and I are talking a lot and laughing, too. We used to be at the neck. Hell yes!!
Jackson // 12:34 AM
1 Comment

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Friday, July 04, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today was sweet. I love attention from women. It is sweet. This is the first time in my life that I am getting this much attention. Anyway, I am in a good place. I am really happy and serene. I am enjoying every bit of life. Tomorrow is going to be even better! I am going to John's house for a sober party. Of course... A sober party. I wouldn't get myself into any drinking situations. I am going to be 18 in a couple of months. Hell yea. Shit, I am happy.
Jackson // 12:15 AM
2 Commentss

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Wednesday, July 02, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Aight... My news and word haven't come in. I am pissed. My Dad is gonna have to forward it to me. Oh, but am I tired. I had a good and productive day today. I helped get a lot of my deck painted and got some female attention. This girl that works at friendly's, who gave me her number, asked me why I hadn't called her. It was cool... but I should call her. Tomorrow. She is real cute and has a womanly shape. I am really interested. She seems cool as hell too. I am pumped. Hell yes. Anyway tomorrow I should be finishing the rest of my deck. I am gonna talk to my parents about me re-painting the fence and maybe a little inside the house. I really love this job. It is an awesome learning experience.

Jackson // 11:40 PM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, July 01, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Today was a damn fine day. I did a bit of running around for work-related things, but it was nice. At my meeting we read on the 5th, 6th, and 7th steps. It was a good thing. It gave me a lot of ideas about what I can say to new guys. This program is an awesome thing. Getting out of yourself is a great thing for anyone. Helping another in need. That has a lot of pay-offs. You feel good. You are respected. Yada... yada...
Jackson // 11:41 PM

june, 2003

Monday, June 30, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Hello... My word and news aren't coming. It is odd. I think it might have been cancelled. I hope not. Anyway, today was ok. I had a fun jam session with my buddy Adam and went to an early meeting. I was able to hit up Friendly's tonight also. One of my sponsies is not doing too well. All the shit in his house is affecting him a lot. He is keeping his feelings inside. He should vent them. When I have problems I talk to my sponsor. That is how it works. It works well.
Jackson // 11:32 PM
1 Comment

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Saturday, June 28, 2003:
News Of The Day

Jurors Friday evening sentenced Chante Mallard to 50 years for the murder of a homeless man she hit with her car and then left to die embedded in the windshield. Mallard was sentenced to 10 years for tampering with evidence. Her sentences will be served concurrently. She was not fined for either conviction. Under Texas law a person must serve half the term before becoming eligible for parole. Mallard reacted with silence and tears. She tightly shut her eyes.

Word Of The Day

concupiscence \kon-KYOO-puh-suhn(t)s; kuhn-\, noun:
Strong desire, especially sexual desire; lust.

John had a concupiscene for Lindsay.

Yesterday's News

My big happening. I went through a roadside sobriety stop. It was wicked. The thing is that I was sober. It made my day exciting. I have heard about them, but never been through one. I am happy. Anyway, it was a good day. I chilled with Ben after the meeting at friendly's. That is pretty much it. I am sorry. I am really tired and slap happy. I need sleep.
Jackson // 12:42 AM
Comment

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Thursday, June 26, 2003:
News Of The Day

U.S. personnel searching in Iraq for unconventional weapons and their components are making rapid progress and the world could expect surprises soon, the CIA's chief weapons inspector told CNN. The progress is being made because key Iraqis are finally beginning to open up -- men like Dr. Mahdi Obeidi who turned over documents and parts of an Iraqi gas centrifuge system for developing nuclear weapons material. Obeidi buried the materials beneath rose bushes in his back yard 12 years ago.

Word Of The Day

insouciant \in-SOO-see-uhnt\, adjective:
Marked by lighthearted unconcern or indifference; carefree; nonchalant.

Tim has a insouciant way of taking care of tight situations.

Yesterday's News

I had a really long day today. Work was really hard. My arm hurts like hell. I think I strained a muscle pretty good. Anyway, I am feeling very good about everything. I am working with a few really cool new people. I am happy. Working with others definitely takes your mind off of your little problems. I'm realizing that others can deal with large problems, and I can barely handle a long-ass day of work. Hey... I am doing soooo much better than before. I really love the fellowship of A.A. It's amazing. I have friends that are fifty-years-old. That isn't old at all. It's just that I'm seventeen. I love life.

Jackson // 11:15 PM
Comment

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Tuesday, June 24, 2003:
News Of The Day

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf Tuesday said al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden may be "shifting sides" along the Pakistan-Afghanistan border, and Pakistani authorities have launched a massive hunt in remote border tribal areas. "If at all any al Qaeda operative is hiding in this region, we are after them," Musharraf said at a joint news conference with President Bush at Camp David. "Now, whether Osama bin Laden is here or across the border, your guess, sir, will be as good as mine," he told a reporter. "So, I wouldn't like to venture into a guess. But the possibility of his maybe shifting sides on the border is very much there."

Word Of The Day

parvenu \PAR-vuh-noo; -nyoo\, noun:
One that has recently or suddenly risen to a higher social or
economic class but has not gained social acceptance of others
in that class; an upstart.

He is the newest parvenu in the local highschool.

Yesterday's News

Today was a sweet day. I got a lot of stuff done that had to be done. I got a new title for my car. I got an e-check, and then got the knocking noise in my tire fixed. I also hit up my old Big Book meeting. I was really drained from all of the heat, but the meeting was great. Some of the people there act a little odd around me. Almost as if they think I went back out. That's ok. I know where I'm at, and that's what I need. Tomorrow I'm thinking of going over to my buddy's house to jam. I'm really hoping it will work out, but I'm gonna have to get a little caffeine in me beforehand.

Jackson // 11:34 PM
1 Comment

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News Of The Day

A Qatari man President Bush designated an "enemy combatant" Monday was an al Qaeda sleeper operative tasked with helping other militants get in position for future attacks, Justice Department officials said. The officials said an al Qaeda detainee provided that information on Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri, 37, who has been in U.S. custody since December 2001 and was under an indictment charging him with making false statements to the FBI and credit card fraud. The detainee also said al-Marri was trained in the use of poisons but was not ordered to carry out a biological or chemical attack in the United States, the officials said.

Word Of The Day

inculcate \in-KUHL-kayt; IN-kuhl-kayt\, transitive verb:
To teach and impress by frequent repetition or instruction.

The guitar teacher would inculcate to get the point to me.

Yesterday's News

Today was a good day. I had a hard day at work. I put about six hours in. It was really draining. After work I went over to my old out-patient treatment center with a couple of buddies. They told thier stories in short form and I just chilled. I really don't like talking to kids who look like they want to shank you. It is kind of scary. One kid did tell me he wanted to hit up some meetings. I told him I would get him there somehow. That was cool. After that I ran over to a meeting. I heard a good lead and then went out to get a bite of grub. It was a very good day. I am really having the time of my life.

Jackson // 12:36 AM
1 Comment

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Saturday, June 21, 2003:
Yesterday's News

U.S. intelligence agencies have uncovered information about a possible al Qaeda terrorist plot on the U.S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya, prompting the embassy to close, intelligence and diplomatic sources said. On Thursday, the Defense Intelligence Agency issued a report to government agencies and officials in the East Africa region, warning of a threat to U.S. interests in Kenya, intelligence sources said. The threat is deemed specific, credible and continuing, and the United States is "taking it very seriously," officials said.

News Of The Day

Jackson // 10:40 AM
Comment

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Friday, June 20, 2003:
News Of The Day

An Ohio trucker has admitted to helping plan al Qaeda attacks in the United States after meeting terror chief Osama bin Laden at an Afghanistan terror training camp. Iyman Faris, 34, checked out the chances of destroying a New York bridge and tried to buy equipment for proposed al Qaeda attacks while appearing to be a law-abiding trucker, according to documents unsealed Thursday in the U.S. District Court in Alexandria, Virginia. Faris pleaded guilty May 1 to providing material support to al Qaeda and to conspiring to do so, according to the documents. The charges together carry as much as 20 years in prison and up to $500,000 in fines. Sources told CNN that al Qaeda leader Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who is in U.S. custody, told his interrogators the target was the 116-year-old Brooklyn Bridge.

Word Of The Day

bombast \BOM-bast\, noun:
Pompous or pretentious speech or writing.

His way of speaking was filled with bombast.

Yesterday's News

I am sorry for no entry yesterday. I was so tired from the Rollin's Band concert, that I had to sleep. Anyway, the concert was awsome. I loved it. The music was filled with such energy. I wanted to explode after the show. There were a lot of odd people there. Most mutilated with tatoos and piercings. Oh! Every other Monday I am going to speak at my old out-patient treatment center. I think it will be a big help for me and my sobriety. I am going to bring new young people every week. This coming Monday I am bringing a lady and my sponsee. It is gonna be great.

Jackson // 1:00 AM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, June 17, 2003:
Word Of The Day

land of Nod, noun:
[Usually capitalized N] Sleep.

I am going to the land of Nod.

News Of The Day

New details are emerging of the battle that led to the Iraqi capture of Pfc. Jessica Lynch and her comrades. Mechanics from the 507th Maintenance Company -- rather than trained front line soldiers -- fought a fierce 90-minute firefight against Iraqi paramilitary and regular forces after getting lost in the Iraqi desert. They tell of coming under fire from soldiers on rooftops near Nasiriya as their vehicles were hit by rocket-propelled grenades and some weapons were clogged with sand. "It was Mogadishu," said one military source familiar with the reports from survivors, referring to a 1993 incident in the Somali capital when 18 U.S. Army Rangers were killed by a Somali mob while attempting to rescue comrades from two downed helicopters.

Yesterday's News

I am really tired. I am slap-happy. My day was long and productive. I made money today. Anyway, tomorrow night is the Rollins Band concert. I am pumped. I might have to go home and take a nap before the show. I will be tired as all hell. I am sorry for being brief. I will be more descriptive tomorrow.

Jackson // 10:41 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, June 16, 2003:
Word Of The Day

fatuous \FACH-oo-uhs\, adjective:
1. Inanely foolish and unintelligent; stupid.
2. Illusory; delusive.

He had a fatuous personallity.

News Of The Day

As U.S. troops searched for Saddam Hussein loyalists in central Iraq, President Bush on Monday strongly defended the U.S.-led war to topple Saddam's regime against "revisionist historians" he suggested were trying to diminish the threat once posed by the deposed Iraqi leader. "This nation acted to a threat from the dictator of Iraq," Bush said during a speech to business leaders in New Jersey. "Now there are some who would like to rewrite history -- revisionist historians is what I like to call them. "Saddam Hussein was a threat to America and the free world in '91, in '98, in 2003. He continually ignored the demands of the free world, so the United States and friends and allies acted."

Yesterday's News

Today was a very good day. I put in a good six hours of work. I ripped up carpet and took down wallpaper. It was very tiring. I feel really good though. Tomorrow I am gonna go back and do the same. Tonight I went to a meeting and had a good time. Every time at that meeting this woman asks if I have bought a motorcyle. She always wants me to give her a ride home. She is in her thirties... I think. It is funny. Anyway, she came up and said hi. I responded with, "Hi, haaad do yoin." I don't know why it came out that way. It was odd. I usually don't stutter like that. The moral of the story is: It was embarassing!

Jackson // 10:17 PM
1 Comment

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Saturday, June 14, 2003:
News Of The Day

High-level Israeli and Palestinian officials might resume meetings as early as Saturday, a Palestinian source has told CNN. Israeli and Palestinian sources said Friday that the two sides planned to discuss the possibility of Palestinian Security Chief Mohammed Dahlan assuming responsibility for part of Gaza -- including keeping terrorists in the region in check and preventing Palestinians from firing Qassam rockets at Israeli targets. Since June 5, Palestinians have fired 15 Qassam rockets at Israeli targets, according to the Israel Defense Forces. The latest attack Friday hit a house, Israeli military sources said. Israeli gunships later hit a car carrying Hamas militants transporting Qassams and a warehouse where rockets were stored, Israeli sources said.

Word Of The Day

Hasn't Come Yet!!!!

My word is Joy.

Yesterday's News

I was at a meeting tonight and a guy asked me to sponsor him. I heard him in a discussion talking about how fucked up he got. It was amazing that he could have a smile on his face. It was amazing that he could feel some level of Joy. When I first got sober I could barely think about true joy. It was all fake on the outside and dark on the inside. A haze of hell. There are lyrics in a song that say: There's gotta be a Heaven, cause I've already done my time in hell. That sends chills down my spine. That is a reason I am sober. I was in hell before. Now I am able to experience something of a Heaven on earth. It is great. I love it.

Jackson // 12:23 AM
2 Commentss

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Thursday, June 12, 2003:
News Of The Day

Hasn't come yet.

Word Of The Day

bibelot \BEE-buh-loh\, noun:
A small decorative object without practical utility; a trinket.

He pulled out his bibelot and handed it to the fair lady.

Yesterday's News

Today I am gonna go jam over my friend's house again. We are gonna start writing some music and making recordings. I think it would be fun. I am all for doing something of that sort. I know that it is possible to make a little impression on the music world. My sponsor did it, and my boss did. It is possible. It is gonna be interesting. The best thing about Adam and me is that we have good chemistry. We know where we are going with the jam. It is so freeing. Freaking amazing feeling. Nothing compares to it and probably never will. It's like we read each other's minds. Sometimes I listen to our tapes and hear some amazing shit for a couple of seventeen year olds. It's great.
Jackson // 3:03 PM
1 Comment

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Wednesday, June 11, 2003:
News Of The Day

A suicide bomber set off a blast Wednesday that killed 16 people and injured more than 60 others, eight of them seriously, Jerusalem police and medics said. Within minutes, Israeli helicopter gunships attacked three targets in Gaza, Palestinian security sources said. Two Hamas militants -- Masoud Al-Tito and Suhel Abu Hamad -- were killed in the attacks, the sources said. The attacks come as the cycle of violence between Israelis and Palestinians threatens to derail the U.S.-backed "road map" to peace. The suicide bomb detonated on Bus 14 as it drove down Jaffa Road, one of the main routes into Jerusalem city center, shortly after 5:30 p.m. local time. The bomber died in the blast.

Word Of The Day

provender \PROV-uhn-duhr\, noun:
1. Dry food for domestic animals, such as hay, straw, corn, oats, or a mixture of ground grain; feed.
2. Food or provisions.

We had to fetch the provender from the dropsite.

Yesterday's News

My break off work has given me a chance to think about how I am doing. It's giving me a chance to get my head together. I am realizing that my Mom knows what is going on with me better than I do. It's funny. I should listen to her more often. Anyway, tonight I am gonna go to a meeting. What a surprise! I am gonna have a good time there. In about 10 minutes I am gonna go get a coffee from Starbucks. Led Zeppelin's new live album is at number 1 on the billboard record charts. They blew Staind off the charts. Hell yes. I will add on tonight.

Jackson // 1:18 PM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, June 10, 2003:
News Of The Day

A Hamas official targeted by an Israeli helicopter gunship Tuesday vowed that his militant Palestinian group would continue to launch attacks against Israelis. "We must fight those who came to hurt us inside our home," Hamas spokesman Abdel Aziz Rantissi said from his hospital bed. "At Hamas, we will not drop our weapons, even if all leaders are assassinated," he said. "We will not drop our weapons. This is the only option for the Palestinian people. "[Israeli Prime Minister Ariel] Sharon understood that the Aqaba summit had given him the green light to kill Palestinian people," Rantissi said. "We are today experiencing a Zionist war against the Palestinians."

Word Of The Day

surfeit \SUR-fit\, noun:
1. An excessive amount or supply.
2. Overindulgence, as in food or drink.
3. Disgust caused by overindulgence or excess.

He had a surfeit of jelly beans in his pocket.

Yesterday's News

Today was a really nice day. I went over to my buddy Adam's house and jammed for about 2 hours. It was very relaxing. The tapes we made sound great too. After that I went to Tuesday Basement Big Book. It was nice being back at that meeting. I haven't talked to a few of the people there in a long time. It was like good times back when I first got sober. That was when I had no worries. Well, today I have no worries. I am in a damn good mood. Everything is great. I don't think I am working tomorrow so I can get a little more read out of my book. I am thinking I will try to get fifty pages read. How about that?
Jackson // 9:59 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, June 09, 2003:
News Of The Day

Investigators arrested a man who they say may be a suspect in the kidnapping of 9-year-old Jennette Tamayo from her San Jose home, police said Monday. She was taken Friday afternoon after returning home from school, and resurfaced late Sunday when she walked into a convenience store 30 miles away. San Jose Police Sgt. Steve Dixon said officers arrested the man, described as "just a potential suspect," in a residence just two blocks from Tamayo's home. "The area where we stopped this fellow is very close to where the kidnapping took place," Dixon said. "He does fit the description so we're thinking he might be the suspect."

Word Of The Day

trice \TRYS\, noun:
A very short time; an instant; a moment; -- used chiefly in the phrase "in a trice."

I will be there in a trice.

Yesterday's News

These last few days have been boring as all hell. I read a lot though. I am getting some work done. I think I need boring. It is different for me. Anyway, I am in a great mood today. Just a little tired, but that will soon be gone when I get a four-shot latte. Hell yea. Tonight I am going to a movie with my lady friend. It should be fun. I think I am going back to work on Wednesday. I need some money bad. My parents are bumming it to me. I need to get back to the job.

Jackson // 1:11 PM
Comment

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Friday, June 06, 2003:
News Of The Day

A small team from the International Atomic Energy Agency arrived Friday in Iraq to assess damage to a nuclear research center looted after the war. The experts from the U.N. nuclear body are on their first visit since the end of the U.S-led war, but the team will not conduct weapons inspections, spokesman Mark Gwozdecky said. Residents of villages surrounding the Tuwaitha nuclear facility, about six miles (10 kilometers) south of Baghdad, said they used drums from the site to hold water. The drums had contained uranium oxide, or yellowcake, which the villagers said was dumped on the ground.

Word Of The Day

Has not come yet!

Yesterday's News

Yesterday, life wasn't so hot. I am acting irritable lately, and my friend A.J. called me out on it. Ben had to butt in and get his chance at me. He said, "To be honest... I don't think you are a good sponsor." Well I told him that he should find a new one. I don't think that I deserved that comment from him. I think he needs to learn what a rut is. Tomorrow I am doing a second fifth step with my sponsor. That should iron the shit out. Today I am feeling better than a lot of days. I am positive and chill. I am serene.
Jackson // 2:21 PM
1 Comment

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Thursday, June 05, 2003:
News Of The Day

A U.S. soldier was killed and five were wounded early Thursday in the Iraqi city of Fallujah, the U.S. Central Command announced -- the latest casualties in the city, which has become a center of resistance. An unknown assailant fired a rocket-propelled grenade at the 101st Airborne Division soldiers in Fallujah, which is 43 miles (70 kilometers) west of Baghdad. The injured were evacuated to a military medical facility. Last week, two soldiers were killed and nine wounded in a firefight with hostile forces in Fallujah, and on May 21, at least two Iraqis were killed there when gunmen opened fire on a U.S. patrol in the city center with rocket-propelled grenades and assault rifles.

Word Of The Day

stertorous \STUR-tuh-ruhs\, adjective:
Characterized by a heavy snoring or gasping sound; hoarsely breathing.

From smoking, I sound very stertorous in the morning.

Yesterday's News

As of right now I have not had a cigarette in 14 1/2 hours. That is pretty good for me. I am not sure if I am gonna quit today or what. My definite quit date is August 9th. That is when my Bro's wedding is going down. Let me tell you. It is nice not having smoke in my lungs right now. The problem with me and addictions is that they have to beat me down before I can stop them. Wait! I have not been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I have been having just one latte. That is so much better than the two or three I would've had before. Speaking of coffee, I think I am gonna ask my Dad if he wants to get any.
Jackson // 11:37 AM
2 Commentss

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Wednesday, June 04, 2003:
News Of The Day

Israeli and Palestinian leaders Wednesday set down a fresh new vision of achieving Middle East peace, with Ariel Sharon backing the formation of a Palestinian state and the removal of unauthorized settlements and Mahmoud Abbas rejecting the use of violence to achieve Palestinian goals. Speaking after a summit with U.S. President George W. Bush and Abbas, the Palestinian Prime Minister, Prime Minister Sharon said that Israel will "immediately" begin to remove unauthorized settlement outposts in the West Bank. "It is in Israel's interest not to govern the Palestinians, but for the Palestinians to govern themselves," Sharon said.

Word Of The Day

interpolate \in-TUR-puh-layt\, transitive verb:
1. To alter or corrupt (as a book or text) by the insertion of new or foreign matter.
2. To insert (material) into a text or conversation.
3. To insert between other elements or parts.
4. [Mathematics] to estimate a value of (a function) between two known values.

He had interpolate some last minutes ideas into the Presidents speech.

Yesterday's News

This morning a really pretty lady stopped over with some guy in a suit. I new they were gonna take my time and try to sell me stuff. I figured if i'd waste my time doing anything, I would look at a pretty lady. It turns out they were bible thumpers. It was actually pretty cool. They talked a lot about what God wants you to do in life. I liked some of the concepts a lot.
Jackson // 10:23 AM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, June 03, 2003:
News Of The Day

Martha Stewart faced possible criminal charges, her company said Tuesday, as prosecutors step up the pressure on the home decorating entrepreneur a year and a half after her controversial sale of stock in a small biotechnology company. The U.S. Attorney's office in New York plans to ask a grand jury to indict Stewart soon, her company said. She also faces a related civil action by the Securities and Exchange Commission. Stewart's sale of nearly 4,000 shares of the stock of ImClone Systems in December 2001 came a day before federal regulators announced they had rejected ImClone's application for a new cancer drug, causing a plunge in ImClone shares. Eventually, ex-ImClone CEO Samuel Waksal, a friend of Stewart's, pleaded guilty to insider trading charges.

Word Of The Day

specious \SPEE-shuhs\, adjective:
1. Apparently right; superficially fair, just, or correct, but
not so in reality; as, "specious reasoning; a specious argument."
2. Deceptively pleasing or attractive.

He is a specious type of guy.

Yesterday's News

Today is a damn cool day. My boss is giving me a few days off of work. I am pumped as hell. Tonight my sponsor is leading out in Bainbridge. I am gonna go out to that meeting. Next week I am gonna get back to going to Tuesday Basement Big Book. I have been avoiding it for quite some time. I feel I am ready go back and attend it every week. I am very positive today. The only problem is that I have a feeling of impending doom. It is wierd. I have had it ever since I got sober. I feel like I am gonna get in trouble for something. Maybe my brain is so used to feeling guilty it just keeps on doing that.
Jackson // 2:07 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, June 02, 2003:
News Of The Day

Centennial Olympic Park bombing suspect Eric Robert Rudolph will be transferred to Alabama to face trial on charges in a women's clinic bombing that killed an off-duty police officer, a court ordered Monday. A court-appointed attorney for Rudolph said his client waived the right to plead guilty in North Carolina and would accept the transfer to Alabama. He said Rudolph was not guilty of the charges. The U.S. Justice Department asked that Rudolph face trial first in Birmingham, Alabama -- one of the two cities where he allegedly planted his bombs -- Attorney General John Ashcroft announced Monday.

Word Of The Day

ephemeron \ih-FEM-uh-ron\, noun;
plural ephemera \ih-FEM-uh-ruh\:
1. Something short-lived or of no lasting significance.
2. ephemera: Items, especially printed matter (as posters,
broadsides, pamphlets, etc.), intended to be of use or
importance for only a short time but preserved by collectors.

The man collected all the Led Zeppelin ephemera he could get his hands on.

Yesterday's News

This weekend was filled with a couple highs and lows. On Friday night I was feeling really good about my lead. I felt that it was respected. When I got home on Saturday morning it all crashed down. I got into a stupid fight with my parents about money. The stupid fighting continued into Sunday. All of it was in my hands. My fault. I am finally coming around today into a good and willing mood. I have read a bit today out of my book. It is a pretty cool novel. I am still in the stages where the story is developing. A lot of description in the book. Almost more than I can handle. It is interesting though. Anyway, I am hoping that maybe I can stop over my friend's house tonight to jam for an hour or so before my meeting. Maybe I can meet my mother for dinner at the Olive Garden. That would be really nice. Well, I g2g.

Jackson // 2:10 PM

may, 2003

Thursday, May 29, 2003:
News Of The Day

On the heels of gruesome information leaked from the autopsy report on Laci Peterson's unborn child, the prosecutor in the case filed a motion Thursday seeking to unseal the reports on both the mother and child so that the media can report "accurate information." Stanislaus County District Attorney James Brazelton said the people of California have the right to correct inaccurate information, suggesting the media reports on the autopsy are not. "By releasing the autopsy reports, the court will allow the media to see what the actual facts are and then accurate information may be reported to mitigate recent adverse publicity," his motion read. Brazelton earlier Thursday released a statement, saying he "cannot verify the accuracy of any media statements concerning the contents of the autopsy reports without violating the court's order."

Word Of The Day

sempiternal \sem-pih-TUR-nuhl\, adjective:
Of never ending duration; having beginning but no end; everlasting; endless.

The sempiternal speech put me to sleep within fifteen minutes.
Yesterday's News

Oh my lord. I was asked to lead a meeting today. The meeting is tomorrow night. Every friday about 70-80 people show up. I am really nervous. A lot of my friends are going to be there, and that makes me more edgy. I am hoping it will all turn out well. I am going to meditate a lot before the meeting. I need to be in tip-top spiritual form. Man-o-man. I am crackin', dude. I almost feel like I did when I played at the eighth-grade dance. I was really scared that night. I need to watch some Zeppelin right now.

Jackson // 11:58 PM
1 Comment

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Wednesday, May 28, 2003:
News Of The Day

Derrick Todd Lee is described by those who recently encountered him as a charming man who started a bible study class at a motel in southwest Atlanta, worked construction jobs for cash, barbecued for his neighbors and liked to court women. But authorities say Lee -- a married father of two young children -- had a much darker side, smooth-talking his way into the lives of unsuspecting women and then killing them. He is now accused of five serial killings in Louisiana, and authorities across the United States are reviewing unsolved murders to see if they might be connected. At the Lakewood Motor Lodge in Georgia, where Lee stayed the last week for $135, residents seemed stunned by his arrest, recalling a gentler man who was easy to get along with.

Word Of The Day

interstice \in-TUR-stuhs\, noun;
1. A space between things or parts, especially a space between things closely set; a narrow chink; a crack; a crevice; an interval.
2. An interval of time.

The interstice between comments was burning him up.

Yesterday's News

Tonight was pretty trippy. A few guys and I have been pushing this kid to get a sponsor. Tonight it came back and slapped me in the balls. After the meeting the kid comes up to me and says, "Alright... You've done it. Will you be my sponsor?" I told him yea. I gave him my number. This is gonna be a wild ride. He has 10 weeks of probation left. He wants to give A.A. a try for those ten weeks. If he dosen't feel better he is going to smoke the ganja. That is messed up. I hope he can gain something out of this experience. His Mom is in the program also. She is a cool lady that respects me a lot. I hope the kid can stay clean and sober.

Jackson // 11:35 PM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, May 27, 2003:
News Of The Day

Atlanta police arrested Derrick Todd Lee, the suspect in five serial killings in Louisiana, a source from the U.S. Marshals Service told CNN on Tuesday. The Marshals Service source said the Atlanta Police Department's Fugitive Squad apprehended Lee about 7:45 p.m. at a boarding house. He did not resist and was carrying his identification. "It was a tip from the public that busted this guy," the source said. Atlanta Police Department spokesman John Quigley said simply, "It's good news." Lee, a father of two, disappeared from Louisiana shortly after he voluntarily submitted to DNA testing May 5. Officials have said they believe he went from Baton Rouge to Chicago, Illinois, and then to Atlanta.

Word Of The Day

lugubrious \lu-GOO-bree-us; -GYOO-\, adjective:
1. Mournful; indicating sorrow, often in a way that seems feigned, exaggerated, or ridiculous.
2. Gloomy; dismal.

His lugubrious facial expressions really piss me off.

Yesterday's News

I had a great time tonight. I went out with some friends to Applebee's. We had a lot of good laughs. The highlight of the day, besides talking to my galfriend, was picking up the new Led Zeppelin live material. I listened to some of it and found myself in ectasy. I was in "heaven." The joy thier music brings to me is unspeakable. It is raunchy and beautiful at the same time. I love the sloppiness of Jimmy Page's guitar playing. This is why I have those tatoos. Zeppelin is a part of me. They have helped me through times of pain and have brought me joy.
Jackson // 11:13 PM
1 Comment

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Saturday, May 24, 2003:
News Of The Day

We have a little puppy!

Word Of The Day

segue \SEG-way; SAYG-way\, intransitive verb:
To proceed without interruption; to make a smooth transition.
noun:
An instance or act of segueing; a smooth transition.

He segued the meeting from marketing to satisfying clients.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a great day. My Mom and Dad picked up our new puppy. It is a beagle. It is damn cutest dog I have seen. Anyway, Danny led last night at a young-peoples group. It was a great lead. After the meeting I went up to Denny's and had a blast. You know what... Nothing was really interesting yesterday. Today I am thinking that I am gonna go out with my buddy Matt. We are most likely gonna go up to Denny's. I think we are just gonna chill for a couple of hours up there. Drink water and smoke cigarettes.

Jackson // 10:06 AM
Comment

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Thursday, May 22, 2003:
Word Of The Day

inveigle \in-VAY-guhl; -VEE-\, transitive verb:
1. To persuade by ingenuity or flattery; to entice.
2. To obtain by ingenuity or flattery.

He inveigled the phone number from the girl.

Yesterday's News

Damnit! The brakes are grinding in the Neon. I guess I will drive the "Cav" tomorrow. I am feeling very good today. I have a little headache due to a lack of caffine. Lately I have discovered that caffine does not affect me. I am so tolerant that no amount that can fit in my stomach can wake me up. It is not cool. I have pounding headaches in the morning. I am starting to decrease the daily dosage of the drug. I am hoping to get to a point where I won't need it to take away the headache. It sounds a lot like drug addictions. It has a similar progression to mostly all drugs I have used on a daily basis. Thank God I am sober.

Jackson // 11:56 PM
Comment

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Wednesday, May 21, 2003:
News Of The Day

"Some sort of an explosion" occurred in Yale University's law school building Wednesday, a New Haven Fire Department official said, but no injuries were reported. Dorie Baker, a Yale spokeswoman, told CNN there was "probably some device" that triggered the explosion. "We don't know what kind of a device. It was in an empty classroom, not in the mailroom. All sources are agreed there were no injuries," Baker said.

Word Of The Day

prevaricate \prih-VAIR-uh-kayt\, intransitive verb:
To depart from or evade the truth; to speak with equivocation.

A lot of people that are close to me prevaricate.

Yesterday's News

Today... I am sober... I see things going wrong, but don't know what they are... I am "happy"... My dog just walked into my room. That only happens when something is wrong. She just sat on the ground next to me. That makes me believe even more that there is something wrong. Tonight... I will go to a meeting... I will forget about all my troubles... I will have a good time out tonight. Later on... I will go home... I will sense something wrong. It sucks...

"We are both from the same place - my dear
Love and hate come from above - I fear"

Stone Soup, 2003

Jackson // 6:20 PM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, May 20, 2003:
News Of The Day

Canadian agriculture officials said Tuesday a cow slaughtered in Alberta in January tested positive for mad cow disease. It is the country's first case in 10 years. The 8-year-old cow was tested and killed in January after showing signs of illness, Canadian agriculture officials said. Tests at a laboratory in the United Kingdom on Tuesday confirmed signs of Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE) or mad cow disease. Samples from the cow tested positive for BSE last week, officials said. Canadian officials sent samples to the United Kingdom to confirm the test. Health officials said they think they have limited the spread of the disease. The meat from the cow was declared unfit for consumption, was kept from other meat bound for packing plants and stores, and the rendered byproduct was not mixed with byproduct from other cows, Canadian officials said.

Word Of The Day

panoply \PAN-uh-plee\, noun:
1. A splendid or impressive array.
2. Ceremonial attire.
3. A full suit of armor; a complete defense or covering.

John had a panoply of cigars.

Yesterday's News

I have a couple stories for you today. The first is a bit of comedy. A couple days ago, I was outside putting gas into my car from a gas can. I had a hoodie over my head. I felt something land on my head. About four seconds later it got off. I looked up and saw a bird flying away. It was awesome. That is the comedy for you today.

Anyway, something amazing happened tonight. My old best friend's brother walked up to me and said how much my first lead affected him. He said it was the best he has ever heard. I started to get misty eyes. He told me he was amazed with my recovery and loved the comments. I think that is one of the biggest rewards of being sober. People saying things like that. I love it. People in this program are the bomb. They can get things from somebody fifteen years younger than them. Anyplace where something like that can happen is amazing.
Jackson // 10:41 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, May 19, 2003:
News Of The Day

Speaking to reporters in Riyadh, the prince mentioned electronic "chatter," a reference to signals from various sources that intelligence officials listen to regularly. The chatter strongly suggests that something -- it is not clear what -- might be in the works, analysts said. Just before the series of bombings in Riyadh on May 12, analysts said, there was an alarming drop in such chatter. Analysts said they are not yet seeing a similar drop. Sources told CNN in Washington that there has been increased chatter about possible future terrorist attacks, though there has been no specific or credible information regarding any target in the United States.

Word Of The Day

sapient \SAY-pee-uhnt\, adjective:
Wise; sage; discerning.

The lead was a sapient man.

Yesterday's News

The last fews days have been filled with ups and downs. I felt great yesterday and today, for the most part. I am not going to explain the rest. All I have to say is, "Thank God I am sober." That is the best thing. I am sober. Anyway, I am looking forward to nothing really. There is nothing interesting going on in the future. Maybe, that is a good thing. I hope it is. I really want to sleep too. Badly! I am really satisfied with my job. I am getting good money out of it. This week I made $290. I think that is damn good for a seventeen year-old. That is really sweet. I am hoping to save more than half of it. That would be the best possible outcome.
Jackson // 11:14 PM
3 Commentss

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Friday, May 16, 2003:
News Of The Day

"We think that the outbreak has come under control in Hong Kong and that soon there will be no new cases," Who's head of communicable diseases, David Heymann, told Hong Kong Cable Television from Geneva in remarks broadcast on Saturday. But he said it might be several weeks before no new cases were reported. Heymann said in late April that the outbreak had peaked in Hong Kong, as well as Canada, Singapore and Vietnam. The U.N.'s health agency has set a number of conditions for lifting an economically devastating advisory against visiting the city, where the virus has killed nearly 240 people and infected over 1,700.

Word Of The Day

genial \JEEN-yuhl; JEE-nee-uhl\, adjective:
1. [Obsolete] Pertaining to generation or marriage.
2. Friendly, warm; kindly; sympathetically cheerful and cheering.
3. Mild, pleasant; comfortable; favorable to life or growth.

His genial personality made him a pleasure to work with.

Yesterday's News

These last couple of days have been really good. I have been working my ass off a lot. I am getting paid pretty well, too. $8 an hour. I think that is fat cash. I am hoping I can save about 50% of my checks. I think that would give me a decent bit of money just for shits and giggles. Anyway, my sobriety is really strong right now. I am feeling great and humble. I don't want to get feeling too good. That might be dangerous. I just got off the phone with my friend, Lauren. We might hang out on Tuesday night. I haven't talked to her in a bit. I am looking forward to it a lot. Tomorrow, I am going to work around 9am and probably working for about 10-12 hours. I hope I can make my Sunday night meeting. You know what? Maybe there is an early meeting tomorrow morning. I am going to call central office. Well, there is not. I did talk to a very nice lady on the phone though. I am gonna call up some of my people. Peace until tomorrow.
Jackson // 11:32 PM
1 Comment

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Thursday, May 15, 2003:
News Of The Day

A team of FBI and other U.S. investigators arrived Thursday in the Saudi capital to investigate near-simultaneous suicide bombings that killed 25 people at compounds housing Westerners, including eight Americans. Nine suspected car bombers also were killed in Monday night's attacks at three residential complexes. U.S. and Saudi officials have said the operation may have been conducted by al Qaeda, the terrorist organization headed by Saudi exile Osama bin Laden.

Word Of The Day

eleemosynary \el-uh-MOS-uh-ner-ee\, adjective:
1. Of or for charity; charitable; as, "an eleemosynary institution."
2. Given in charity; having the nature of alms; as, "eleemosynary assistance."
3. Supported by or dependent on charity; as, "the eleemosynary poor."

My AA friends and i spend some time on eleemosynary work.

Yesterday's News

Last night was great. I went to a meeting and then Applebee's. At Applebee's I had a blast. Anyway, I am leading at a meeting tonight. I am so fucking nervous. I am afraid I will choke up in front of all these people. I am gonna try to put my message across in a good way. I will try to make it easy for new people to understand. I am babbling. Lately I have been feeling better than ever. There is nothing that is bothering me. I am very chill. I love it. I am gonna try to keep it lasting as long as possible. I am hoping that tomorrow night I can sleep over my friend Adam's house. It is closer to where I am working on Saturday, too. He usually wakes up around 6:30 a.m. I think it would be fun. I am gonna have to run it past my parents though. That's the hard part.

Jackson // 1:56 PM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, May 13, 2003:
News Of The Day

Saudi officials said Tuesday that the massive truck bomb explosions that killed at least 29 people in a Saudi neighborhood that is home to Americans and other Westerners were the work of al-Qaida. President Bush promised that the United States would find the attackers and vowed that they would “learn the meaning of American justice. The attacks “remind us that the war on terror continues,” Bush said in a speech in Indiana, where he was lobbying for his tax cut plan. The Saudi Interior Ministry issued a statement saying 20 people were killed in the bombings, which occurred shortly before midnight Monday in three upscale gated communities in northeast Riyadh. In addition, nine other charred bodies were found at the sites, the statement said, “and they are believed to be those of the terrorists.”

Word Of The Day

comity \KOM-uh-tee\, noun:
A state of mutual harmony, friendship, and respect, especially between or among nations or people; civility.
comity of nations, noun:
1. The courteous recognition by one nation of the laws and institutions of another.
2. The group of nations observing international comity.

The comity in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is wonderful.

Yesterday's News

Today was the best. I worked and earned sixty-dollars baby. It's a sweet deal. You know what? I am being shallow right now. I am feeling so good right now. I'm on the phone with a wicked-ass girl. She is pretty cool. The coolest gal i've met since I got sober. I am also feeling very in-touch with my higher power. It is great. I have prayed for the last two days in a row. I can never put together that many days of consecutive days of prayer. I feel so much better after praying. My problem is that I wasn't motivated enough to pray daily. It was more like every other day. Now I realize that I need it every day. Anyway, I am going to get going. I love you all out in blog land. But, I must get to sleep. Peace out... yo!

Jackson // 10:23 PM
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Monday, May 12, 2003:
News Of The Day

There is a problem with my N.Y. Times.

Word Of The Day

supererogatory \soo-puhr-ih-ROG-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:
1. Going beyond what is required or expected.
2. Superfluous; unnecessary.

Tom is a supererogatory person when is comes to school.

Yesterday's News

The twelve-step weekend was great. I was revitalized there. I didn't learn a lot, but I talked a lot. I started working on another 4th step while I was there, too. It was a good time. A really good time. Anyway, my brother is home for a couple of days. I am hoping he'll want to get out of the house with me today. I am also thinking of going to see a movie with a girl this afternoon. Well, nevermind that thought. My parents want to go to the show with us. So, those are my plans. None will probably go through, but it was cool to imagine. Later on tonight, I will be hitting up a meeting and having a talk with my sponsee about where he is in his program. My day should be pretty fun. We just got our pool opened today. This summer is gonna be a blast. After work I can go jump into a nice heated pool. Ahhhhh... Good times.
Jackson // 1:08 PM
1 Comment

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Thursday, May 08, 2003:
News Of The Day

Federal investigators studying the collapse of the twin towers on Sept. 11, 2001, say they now believe that the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, the government agency that built the towers, never performed the fundamental tests needed to determine how their innovative structures would perform in a fire. The preliminary finding, if it holds up, will undermine decades of public assurances by the Port Authority that the twin towers met or exceeded the requirements of New York City's building code, and therefore would be structurally safe in a large fire. The codes are based on tests of each building component in furnaces that subject the structures, and the fireproofing insulation that protects them, to the harsh conditions of a major fire. "At this point, we don't know why the tests were not done," said Dr. S. Shyam Sunder, who is leading the eight-month-old investigation at the Building and Fire Research Laboratory at the National Institute of Standards and Technology. But Dr. Sunder added, "To the best of our knowledge, they were not done."

Word Of The Day

sardonic \sar-DON-ik\, adjective:
Scornful, mocking; disdainfully humorous.

This is a sardonic subject.

Yesterday's News

Today an A.A. named Ben asked me to sponser him. I told him yes. I think it will help me a lot. It will help me get back into a more spiritual mode. I really hope I can help him too. I think I would be good for him. He is a soft-skinned guy... So am I. He has good sobriety too. He is in touch with his own higher power. That is a great thing to have. I cannot wait for this twelve-step weekend. It is gonna be the shit. I am also looking forward to Danny's concert on Friday night. Actually that is tomorrow!!!! Hell yes. I will ttyl.

Jackson // 10:35 PM
3 Commentss

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Wednesday, May 07, 2003:
News Of The Day

A Shiite Muslim cleric arrived at the Pentagon last week armed with a fatwa, or religious edict, a prop in his campaign to persuade the Bush administration of the worthiness of the Iranian-based Iraqi ayatollah he calls his leader. Among Iraq's main opposition chiefs, Ayatollah Muhammad Bakr al-Hakim is the one administration officials regard with most mistrust. In its name alone, his organization, the Supreme Council of the Islamic Revolution in Iraq, conjures exactly the vision of a theocratic, Iranian-style Iraqi future that the Bush administration is trying to avoid.

Word Of The Day

objurgate \OB-juhr-gayt\, transitive verb:
To express strong disapproval of; to criticize severely.

When you go into the meeting you have to objurgate the boss' ideas.

Yesterday's News

Hey!! The twelve-step weekend is coming up in a few days. I am thinking that when I go I am going to write another fourth step. The fourth step is writing a list of all the resentments you have and all the wrongs you've done. After that I am going to do my fifth step. I am going to tell my sponsor all these things and he will give me feedback. I think it is a damn good idea. I need to talk and vent all the resentments I have against some people in A.A. There are some assholes around. Some are really big assholes. I am really looking forward to getting my tanks refilled at this weekend.
Jackson // 12:27 PM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, May 06, 2003:
News Of The Day

A bill pending in the House of Representatives would allow businesses with union workers to reduce their company pension obligations by billions of dollars, because statistics show that most blue-collar workers do not live as long as other Americans. The provision, which has gone largely unnoticed in a broad pension bill, is being supported by the United Auto Workers and manufacturing companies whose pension funds now have assets far short of what they are projected to need under previous assumptions about worker longevity. The measure would allow companies to assume that their blue-collar workers will on average die sooner than pension plans now assume they will. So companies, not having to plan to pay future blue-collar pensions as long as they now do, would not be required to put aside as much pension money as government regulations now require them to do.

Word Of The Day

comestible \kuh-MES-tuh-buhl\, adjective:
Suitable to be eaten; edible.

I am sure there is some comestible food on this island.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a good day later on. I got out of my negative feelings and let go of my crap. This morning I am feeling good too! The lead last night really wasn't too hot. It actually stunk a bit. The message got across, but in this very monotonus way. I drank... I got sober... Anyway, after the meeting I went home. I talked on the phone for about 2 hours in all to a couple A.A.'s. One had gotten into a fight with his Mom and the other was baby-sitting some dogs. She was scared. I was very funny actually. Today I am gonna try to get to this meeting called River Tuesday. I don't really feel like going to Tuesday Basement Big Book. I just seems like it would be boring seeing the same people over and over again. You know what I am talking about. Gosh Darnit! My cleaning lady just discovered I was home. Damn you Sheba for exposing me. You can probably guess that I am not to happy to see the cleaning lady. I don't like listening to her damn complaints about every day real life. Sooo... I am gonna get going and take my wonderful Mother out to lunch.
Jackson // 12:36 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, May 05, 2003:
Tonight's News

My Parents have pointed out to me that lately my blogs have been weak. I see where they are coming from. I haven't been reaching inside of me as much. All I have been doing is talking about my day. You know what I am talking about? I am going to start writing as I was before. I promise. I just go through these up and down creative periods. It happens all the time.
Jackson // 10:38 PM
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News Of The Day

"Severe acute respiratory syndrome arrived in Gainesville, Fla., by airplane from Asia and was spread with a cough."

A 60-year-old Gainesville woman, whom the authorities declined to name, returned to Gainesville in late March after a visit to Beijing. She had a slight cough, but did not seek medical treatment until after she had coughed on and infected a co-worker, a 47-year-old woman. Both women were hospitalized in early April but have since fully recovered, said Thomas Belcuore, health director for Alachua County. Neither showed signs of pneumonia and both are therefore still classified as suspect, rather than probable, SARS cases. They remain friends, Mr. Belcuore added.

Word Of The Day

autocrat \AW-tuh-krat\, noun:
An absolute monarch who rules with unlimited authority; by
extension, any person with undisputed authority in a relationship or situation.

Jeremy was the autocrat when it came to the band's decisions.

Yesterday's News

Lately I have been getting into it with my parents about a lot of stupid shit. Pretty much all of it is my fault. I am kinda pist at myself for being an asshole. You know? I am really looking forward to this 12-step weekend coming up. I really need to get back in touch with things. Anyway, I really hope Social Distortion comes back to Cleveland soon. I want to experience that again. They are one of those bad-ass groups that have hearts. It is cool. They make songs that give me goose-bumps. I'm sure you all know what I am talking about. I can relate to the music too, because some of the songs are about addiction and recovery. The music also brings back a lot of good memories. Good memories about last summer. Mike and I used to always have a Social Distortion cd playing in my car. Good times. I will never forget the good times I had then. All sober memories too.
Jackson // 3:45 PM
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Saturday, May 03, 2003:
Just some lyrics by one of my favorite bands... Social Distortion

At last we meet again, dear God
Hear the angels sing
The funerals are nicer, when we know you're there
when the angels sing
sometimes I try so hard to understand the things you do
I like to question you when it all comes down
Hear the angels sing
chorus:
stand up strong feel the pain
when the angels sing
love and death don't mean a thing
till the angels sing

the prisoners pray when they're on death row
when the angels sing
the junky cries for love, but its all run out
When the angels sing
the sins of the world, and its cold on the streets and you're all alone
And the tears they start to fall when it all comes down
Hear the angels sing
chorus:
stand up strong feel the pain
when the angels sing
love and death don't mean a thing
till the angels sing
little by little, day by day
I watch the children play
'cause life and death don't mean a thing
till the angels sing

when the angel of death, comes a looking for me
Hear the angels sing
I hope I was everything I was supposed to be
when the angels sing
There's gotta be a heaven, cause I've already done my time in hell
and a little baby's born, when it all comes down
Hear the angels sing
Jackson // 12:58 AM
1 Comment

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Friday, May 02, 2003:
News Of The Day

A powerful earthquake leveled buildings over a wide swath of southeastern Turkey today, killing at least 100 people and injuring many hundreds more. In the town of Bingol, where the earthquake was strongest, a boarding school collapsed with 198 students sleeping inside. The bodies of 14 children and a teacher were recovered, but more than 90 children had been hauled out alive from the wreckage of concrete and steel by day's end, the Turkish authorities said. Rescue teams using cranes and jackhammers worked into the night in an effort to recover another 90 or so pupils still trapped underneath. Emergency workers gave water to eight students they found trapped in the debris late tonight, but they were unable to extract them immediately.

Word Of The Day

putative \PYOO-tuh-tiv\, adjective:
Commonly thought or deemed; supposed; reputed.

You always come to putative conclusions.

Yesterday's News

Tonight I am going to a young people's meeting and speaking on the fifth step. My friend Adam asked me to do it after I led on Monday. I am kind of nervous to do it. I have never really talked about steps except in a one on one situation. I am looking forward to it because it will be a good experience. I think today I going out to lunch with my buddy Katie. I am also going to pick up my check from PetsMart today. I am hoping to hang out with Matt and Adam. It is always a fucking blast. Anyway, I am going to get going. Aha Aha Aha.

Jackson // 10:15 AM
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Thursday, May 01, 2003:
News Of The Day

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld rode through the streets of the conquered Iraqi capital today, six weeks after the United States began the war to topple Saddam Hussein, and he saw for the first time the results of the military campaign he had waged from the Pentagon. Mr. Rumsfeld dismissed any notion that he was indulging in a victory tour, but he clearly savored the chance to convene his top ground commanders and banter with cheering troops, 1,000 of whom gathered in a "cavernous" hangar. He also met with American and Iraqi officials who are struggling to restore water, power and other essential services to the city's 4.5 million people.

Word Of The Day

simulacrum \sim-yuh-LAY-kruhm; -LAK-ruhm\, noun;
plural simulacra \sim-yuh-LAY-kruh; -LAK-ruh\:
1. An image; a representation.
2. An insubstantial, superficial, or vague likeness or semblance.

At work, we were being shown a simulacrum of how the display will look.

Yesterday's News

I'd like to address the question about my smoking. I'm planning to quit at the beginning of August. I feel like it's getting to be time to quit. It's just not very much fun anymore. I just need to be completely sick of it though, you know? Anyway, today has been a tiring day. It's really hot outside, and the a/c is turned off. I only got four hours of sleep last night, too. It wasn't even good sleep. It was interrupted because I was pretty sick. I think I have a cold. I'm going to lay down and rest a bit. I'll try to blog later on tonight. I need some rest.
Jackson // 12:19 PM

april, 2003

Wednesday, April 30, 2003:
News Of The Day

The United States said today that it would withdraw all combat forces in Saudi Arabia by this summer, ending more than a decade of military operations in this strategic Middle East nation that is America's largest oil supplier. The American presence here began as a joint operation to contain Saddam Hussein after the 1991 Persian Gulf war, but increasingly became dangerous for the American troops involved because Osama bin Laden and fellow terrorists resented their presence in the land of Islam's two holiest sites, Mecca and Medina. Twenty-four American soldiers died in two separate terrorist strikes here in 1995 and 1996.

Word Of The Day

funereal \fyoo-NIR-ee-uhl\, adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to a funeral.
2. Suiting a funeral; solemn; dark; gloomy; mournful.

The funereal homecoming of the vietnam vet hurt the parents' hearts.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday I quit my at PetsMart because they were working me unreasonable hours. I had an average of 20 hours a week over the course of four nights. That was about one-hundred dollars a week -- all at night. In my opinion that's not compensation enough for the meetings I miss and the time I am not with my parents. You know? I am going to get a job that I can work some hours in the mornings. I think that would be a hell of a lot better. More time at home with the parents. More meetings. Anyway, this Friday I am speaking on one of the steps at a young people's meeting. I am looking forward to that a lot. I cannot believe how often I am speaking at meetings. I feel like I am on tour! I like it too. You get to help somebody. Good pay-off.

Jackson // 4:33 PM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, April 29, 2003:
News Of The Day

Thousands of people rioted in a rural town in China on Sunday night and ransacked a local school, residents said, after word spread that a four-story building would be turned into a ward for patients suffering from severe acute respiratory syndrome, or SARS. Despite the presence of hundreds of police officers and two busloads of paramilitary troops in riot gear this morning, residents were unrepentant about their resistance, illustrating how hard it may be for the government here to control popular emotion about a disease whose existence it played down for months before abruptly changing tack eight days ago.

Word Of The Day

lacuna \luh-KYOO-nuh\, noun;
plural lacunae \luh-KYOO-nee\ or lacunas:
1. A blank space; a missing part; a gap.
2. (Biology) A small opening, depression, or cavity in an anatomical structure.

There was a large lacuna in the earth on the east side of the mountain.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was good. The lead went well. It only lasted fifteen minutes. I barely spoke about my drunk-a-log. That lasted probably about 3 or 4 minutes. The rest was about recovery. I wasn't too pleased with how the message came out, but at least it didn't take an hour. That tends to happen when people have a shitty lead. They just drag it out way too long. The ride back was the best part. Blasting good music and singing along. Smoking cigarettes and laughing. It was great. Especially cause it was about 70 degrees when we got out of the meeting. We had all the windows down. Good times. Today I am going to my shrink's, a guitar lesson and then work. Long day, huh? I also have to cut the grass between the shrink and guitar lessons. It'll be a lot of fun.
Jackson // 11:03 AM
4 Commentss

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Monday, April 28, 2003:
News Of The Day

American forces today arrested Baghdad's self-appointed mayor, Muhammad Mohsen Zobeidi, bundling him and seven of his top aides into an Army Humvee after he defied warnings to stop acting as the city's chief administrator. In a separate incident, four American soldiers were wounded when someone opened fire on their Humvee while it was stopped in morning traffic in central Baghdad. One of the soldiers was in serious condition late today, the United States Central Command reported from Qatar. The attack came a day after a hit-and-run raid on an Army-controlled ammunition dump on Baghdad's outskirts caused an explosion that killed about a dozen people in a nearby residential area, military officials said. Many in the city fear that the increased activity is building up to a major incident on Monday to mark Saddam Hussein's birthday.

Word Of The Day

sartorial \sar-TOR-ee-uhl\, adjective:
1. Of or relating to a tailor or to tailoring.
2. Of or relating to clothing, or style or manner of dress.
3. [Anatomy] Of or relating to the sartorius muscle.

He appeared in front of the crowd, wearing a velvet coat in sartorial splendor.

Yesterday's News

Oh... I am so nervous today. I am going out to the east-side of Cleveland to lead an A.A. meeting. It will be my third lead. A man that saw my first asked me if I'd like to lead for him. I have only met him 5-10 times, but I know him pretty well. I just need to focus on how I am going to transmit my message. After I did my first lead I was talking to my friend Matt about why the people thought my lead was awsome. He told me that it might not have been about the lead. It was about how far I had come and who I am. That still sticks in my head as a reminder of how deep love runs in this 12-step program. Anyway I need to make it a good message for new people. I made my notes last night. I put in a line from a song: Bang, Bang, shoot 'em up - The party never ends - You can't think of dying when the bottle is your best Friend.

Kind of a stupid lyric, but it registers in my head. I am going to get going now. Wish me luck!

Jackson // 11:53 AM
3 Commentss

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Saturday, April 26, 2003:
Hello... How ya'll doing. I'm doing pretty good. I am really tired of cleaning pee. I think I am gonna get a different job. I am not trying to be negative. I like the job and all, but not the atmosphere. I would like to make a little more money, too. That would be sweet. I know I am only seventeen. That means I probably won't get paid much more for a while. It just feels like I am working too much for too little. My mind is so tired today also. I can't even remember when to use too or to. I'm sure you people know how that feels. You are sending out brain farts... You know what I am talking about. Right? Anyway, I am really going to try to start up a band. I think that would be awesome. I also think I am more than good enough to hack it. I am gonna go to sleep right now before my brain farts again.
Jackson // 12:31 AM
5 Commentss

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Thursday, April 24, 2003:
Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a pretty bland day. I didn't do much except work. I got Starbucks and the usual. I hung out at home with my paps. It feels really good to have come this far in sobriety. 365 days of stone-cold sober. It is odd as hell that I could do that. I cannot believe that I am sober this long. I used to not be able to last a week without any alterations in mind or body. It could be something as sick as snorting caffine pills. I am so happy right now. This is awesome.
Jackson // 3:45 PM
7 Commentss

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Tuesday, April 22, 2003:
Yesterday's News

I am just thinking right now how precious life is. It kinda sucks. It is scary too. It is scary that at anytime you can be hurt or worse. I am scared of the future. Fear runs my life. It is a big defect. It isn't bad but it holds me back from a lot from what I want. I am starting to notice my fears going out the window. I am happy as heck about that. You know what? All I need to live is my guitar and music. That is my savior. I have said that many times before.
Jackson // 10:46 PM
9 Commentss

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Monday, April 21, 2003:
Yesterday's News

It is spring break. It is time to let loose and kick back. I probably won't get much of a chance, but that's cool. Anyway, tonight I went up to Friendly's with some guys. Jesus, Jesus is one funny ass cat. Well... Some girl just instant messaged me and told me how much she wants me and that when she splits with her boyfriend she is going to tell me. That is kinda odd... Isn't it? I think it is kinda fucked up. Anyway, back to the subject. I don't really know what to write about. Lately things have been looking up for me. I haven't hit any rutts or things like that. I am feeling good about life in general. Nothing is holding me back or messin' with my mind. Everything is very cool.
Jackson // 12:11 PM
3 Commentss

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Friday, April 18, 2003:
News Of The Day

The United Nations Human Rights Commission passed a mild rebuke to Cuba today, but it said nothing about the recent crackdown on dissidents that has set off international outrage. The resolution approved by the 53-member panel in Geneva called upon the Cuban government to allow a rights monitor to visit the country, something Cuban officials have already ruled out. A Costa Rican amendment calling for the immediate release of the more than 75 dissidents imprisoned in recent weeks was defeated, as was a Cuban proposal condemning the United States trade embargo.

Word Of The Day

trepidation \trep-uh-DAY-shuhn\, noun:
1. [Archaic] An involuntary trembling; quaking; quivering.
2. A state of dread or alarm; nervous agitation; apprehension; fright.

There was sence of trepidation along the highway after the twenty-car pile-up.

Yesterday's News

Today was awsome. I went to get my paycheck and then met Dan and Craig at a coffee shop. They came up with the idea to go to the metroparks. We pimped my car cause Dan had his jeep. We pumped some S.R.V. We checked out the gals. We checked out the scenery. It was peaceful. We drove around the metroparks for about an hour. Just rolled around in the neon and bumped the blues. It was great. Anyway, one of my friends came up with a good idea. He told me I should go to a jam night up and a bar a couple towns away. You know... to show off my skills. I think that sounds good. If I do that, a band might hear me and like my playing. That is a far stretch, but it could happen. It would be really nice to play in front of people. You know... Tell me what you think.
Jackson // 11:27 AM
6 Commentss

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Thursday, April 17, 2003:
News Of The Day

Gen. Tommy R. Franks, commander of America's war on Iraq, sealed his victory today by convening a meeting of his top allied land, air, naval and special-operations officers in what was once one of Saddam Hussein's proudest palaces, now a symbol of his vanished grip on the country. The bevy of commanders who gathered today at Abu Ghraib palace — an extravagant amalgam of marble, tile, gold fittings and massive chandeliers, all surrounded by an azure moat — discussed how to maintain security and rebuild Iraq now that Mr. Hussein is gone, and agreed to meet again in General Franks's headquarters back in Qatar in several days to complete plans.

Word Of The Day

canorous \kuh-NOR-us; KAN-or-uhs\, adjective:
Richly melodious; pleasant sounding; musical.

Stone Soup is a very canorous band.

Yesterday's News

The last two days at work I have been doing a dynamite job. I am getting things done on time. I am actually getting my stuff done faster than anybody else. I am done with my closing duties at least a half-hour earlier than everybody else. I am getting in that groove. I am liking this job now. I used to not like it so much, but now it is sweet as tangerines. I don't know where that came from... Don't ask me. Anyway, I am feeling more secure about the future. The only problem is that I am procrastinating. I am not reaching for my dreams. After I did my fifth step with my sponsor, he told me I had the world by the yam-bag. That is very true. I don't have to go through all trouble in my thirties or forties getting sober. I don't have to lose sight of my path anymore. I have a chance at my dreams. You know?
Jackson // 2:37 PM
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News Of The Day

Protests against the American forces here are rising by the day as Iraqis exercise their new right to complain — something that often landed them in prison or worse during President Saddam Hussein's rule. But no one here is in the mood to note that paradox, as Iraqis confront with greater clarity their complicated reactions to the week-old American military presence here: anger at the looting; frustration at the ongoing lack of everything from electricity to a firm sense of order; fear of long-term United States military occupation. "Down, down U.S.A. — don't stay, go away!" chanted Ahmed Osman, 30, a teacher among the several hundred Iraqis protesting today in front of the Palestine Hotel downtown, which the marines are both guarding and using as their headquarters to recruit civil servants to reconstruct Iraq's central authority. "Bush is the same as Saddam," he said.

Word Of The Day

susurrus \su-SUHR-uhs\, noun:
A whispering or rustling sound; a murmur

In the desert the wind would make a susurrus while blowing through the juniper trees.

Yesterday's News

Yeee-haaaa. I just got back from my sponsor's bands concert. I feel more in touch with everything. Every time I see them play I feel so good. They are one of my favorite bands. The songs they write are filled with all the feelings imaginable. They paint a vivid picture of life as it is with their music. They are a perfect example of what real music is. The worst part is that I have to wait a while to hear them again. They have not yet released their record. I hope it will be coming out soon. When it does, I will be the first to buy it. I keep hearing one of their songs over and over again. It is called "S.L.Y." It stands for "Someone Like You." Damn... I cannot wait until they come out with the album. Anyway, this is about my whole love affair with music. It is my first and last true love. It delivers me from my demons. It drowns out the sorrows, as blow used to. It does a better job too.
Jackson // 1:46 AM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, April 15, 2003:
News Of The Day

War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... and more war.

Word Of The Day

Word of the Day for Tuesday April 15, 2003

umbrage \UHM-brij\, noun:
1. Shade; shadow; hence, something that affords a shade, as a
screen of trees or foliage.
2. a. A vague or indistinct indication or suggestion; a hint.
b. Reason for doubt; suspicion.
3. Suspicion of injury or wrong; offense; resentment

It is easy to build up an umbrage when you are mentally sick.

Yesterday's News

Lately I have been getting lazy in "blogland." It is because I am working and slacking off. From now on I will be a little more serious. Anyway, I am going to write on the second and third step of Alcoholics Anonymous. I will tell you my experience with those steps. Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God (any higher power you choose). Step 2 is basically realizing that there may be something that can help you re-gain your sanity and give you a chance to put your alcoholism at bay. That is how I think of it. It helps me to put it into those words. Step 3 can be thought of as making a desicion to start living in a honest and decent way. I like to use the 4 absolutes as a way of living. 1. Honesty. 2. Unselfishness. 3. Purity. 4. Love. That is my way to think of it. Back when I was freshly working my second step I didn't have a hard time at all. I could see that there were times in my life when there was a God pushing the buttons. My third step was a little harder. I couldn't understand how I was going to turn my will and my life over to my God. I was told to try to live in a honest way. That's what I do. I try my hardest to live honestly.
Jackson // 11:31 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, April 14, 2003:
News Of The Day

Seven American prisoners of war were discovered alive in a town north of Baghdad today, three weeks after they vanished during fighting with the Iraqis. The prisoners included five Army soldiers missing since their convoy was ambushed near the central Iraqi city of Nasiriya on March 23. The two others were the pilots of an Apache helicopter shot down during an assault on Republican Guard units near Karbala on March 24. Two prisoners had suffered wounds, officials said, including the only woman in the group, Specialist Shoshana Johnson, 30, of Fort Bliss, Tex.

Word Of The Day

tmesis \TMEE-sis\, noun:
In grammar and rhetoric, the separation of the parts of a
compound word, now generally done for humorous effect; for
example, "what place soever" instead of "whatsoever place," or "abso-bloody-lutely."

I cannot remember the tmesis Timmy used yesterday. It was hilarious.

Yesterday's News

Hey... Yesterday I came to a couple of conclusions. I have to accept who people are and worry about myself. I am feeling a lot better. I am feeling chill. Careless almost. I am feeling like I was a couple months ago. Nothing can bother me. That is the way I want to feel all the time. Just chill. Anyway, I might be playing at a high school dance with a couple of my friends. It should be cool. I have to play bass... Which is fine by me. You know what. I don't have a lot on my mind. I will come back later tonight and blog. I will have more then.
Jackson // 2:03 PM
1 Comment

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Sunday, April 13, 2003:
Song Of My Life

You know how you have a song you just love to death. Well, this is mine. This is off of Robert Plant's "Dreamland." I got to see this song live.

Darkness Darkness, be my pillow
take my head and let me sleep
in the coolness of your shadow
in the silence of your deep

Darkness Darkness, hide my yearnin'
for the things I can not see
keep my mind from constant turnin'
to the things I can not be

Darkness Darkness, be my blanket
cover me with the endless night
take away, oh, this pain of knowing
fill this emptyness with light
emptyness with light now

Darkness, darkness, long and lonesome
is the day that brings me here
I have felt the edge of sadness
I have known the depths of fear

Darkness Darkness, be my blanket
cover me with the endless night
take away, oh, this pain of knowing
fill this emptyness with light now
oh, with light now
...now...

Darkness Darkness, be my blanket
cover me with the endless night
take away, oh, this pain of knowing
fill this emptyness with light now
oh,with light now

Darkness Darkness, be my pillow
take my head and let me sleep
in the coolness of your shadow
in the silence of your deep
in the silence of your deep
in the.... oh ...oh...

Jackson // 1:10 AM
Comment

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Saturday, April 12, 2003:
News Of The Day

Senior F.B.I. officials were told in the early 1990's that a Los Angeles woman accused this week of being a double-agent appeared to be spying for the Chinese, but they continued using her as an informer nonetheless, current and former officials said today. Around 1991, senior Federal Bureau of Investigation counterintelligence officials met in Washington to discuss evidence that the woman, Katrina Leung, was spying for the Chinese, an official said today on condition of anonymity. One F.B.I. supervisor in Los Angeles attending the meeting was James J. Smith, who was having an long-term affair with Ms. Leung after recruiting her to the bureau as an informer in the early 1980's. They were arrested this week on espionage-related charges.

Word Of The Day

bivouac \BIV-wak, BIV-uh-wak\, noun:
An encampment for the night, usually under little or no shelter.

Out at rehab, when the wind storms would come, we had to make a bivouac.

Yesterday's News

My last entry I was talking about being in a mini rut. I believe I am out of that rut. I am happy now. I still feel like something is missing. I still feel a bit lonely, but I am happy. Feeling is better than not feeling. I had no feelings a year ago except for pity and guilt. Now I rarely have any feelings like that. A year ago things were cloudy, and now everything is clear. My goals are clear. My goals extend beyond the current. My goal used to be to get fucked up on drugs. Now it is to get high on life and love. It is to absord all the beauty this world has to offer. The problem is that beauty is generally hidden by something ugly. It is hard to find. My goal is to find that beauty. Then I will be at peace.

Jackson // 2:08 PM
Comment

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Friday, April 11, 2003:
News Of The 10th

State governments from New York to Oregon are pulling back from their plans to borrow directly against future payments of tobacco settlements and are scrambling to find other ways to use the payments to ease their expanding financial problems. An Illinois judgment last month against Philip Morris, the nation's largest cigarette maker, prompted investors to demand higher interest rates on bonds backed by the tobacco payments.

Word Of The 10th

noisome \NOY-sum\, adjective:
1. Noxious; harmful; unwholesome.
2. Offensive to the smell or other senses; disgusting.

Outside of the house there was this noisome fume coming from next door.

Yesterday's News

Right now I can't think of anything to write about. I am not much interested in anything. I guess I am just tired from work. I am not as calm as I used to be. That is one of the consequences of working in the real world. You know what. I had a shitty dream last night. I was selling ecstasy and I took some myself. It was horrible. I have been having dreams like these a lot. A lot of relapse dreams. They are starting to piss me off. I know it is just my addict trying to make me crack and get railed. I don't want to though. I am in a hard spot in my sobriety though. It is my moment of truth. It is the test to see if I will fade away or stay. Being seventeen really stinks. It really is a drag. All my mind wants to do is party, but there is a little part that doesn't want it. It is a constant struggle.

Jackson // 10:18 AM
2 Commentss

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Thursday, April 10, 2003:
News Of The Day

At least for the moment, the political planets seem to be sliding into alignment for President Bush, and he looked and sounded as if he knew it today when he appeared in Belfast, Northern Ireland, for a news conference with Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain. Mr. Bush was self-assured, blunt-spoken and aggressive. For once, the English language seemed his ally rather than his worst enemy. He betrayed not the slightest doubt about the decisions he has made on the war in Iraq so far or the ones he faces. I hear a lot of talk here about how, you know, we're going to impose this leader or that leader," the president declared, as he and Mr. Blair stood behind a pair of lecterns. "Forget it. From day one we have said the Iraqi people are capable of running their own country. That's what we believe. The position of the United States of America is, the Iraqis are plenty capable of running Iraq, and that's precisely what's going to happen."

Word Of The Day

assiduous \uh-SIJ-oo-uhs\, adjective:
1. Constant in application or attention; devoted; attentive.
2. Performed with constant diligence or attention; unremitting; persistent; as, "assiduous labor."

One day I hope to be an assiduous worker.

Yesterday's News

Yeeeeeaaaa! I got a gal's phone number today. A very pretty, pretty gal. She is a couple of years older than me, but does it matter? Not really! I am so happy. I will tell you the story behind. My dad said she was talking about me. I decided to go up to Starbucks (her place or employment) and suck it up. Before I asked, she was talking about her car. She said it was a stick shift and slapped me on the back. She said, "I need somebody to teach me how to drive a stick." I was thinking... Ummmm... Lol. Then I sucked it up and went up the counter and asked for her number. She said, "If you teach me how to drive stick." I again thought... Ummmm... Shiat... Lol. I don't know what I am messin' with, but it can't hurt to give her a call. Hopefully she really wants to learn how to drive the car... (Mom, it's a joke).
Jackson // 12:00 AM
4 Commentss

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Tuesday, April 08, 2003:
News Of The Day

Movie theaters are spraying their seats. Massage parlors are screening their customers. A hospital is refusing to treat people with colds. A French warship arriving from Singapore has been turned away. To its own amazement, Thailand has so far been spared many cases of the respiratory illness known as SARS, which is spreading fast in Asia. But it has not been spared the panic. With many rumors, but little information about the disease, dentists are worrying that their masks are ineffective, taxi drivers are afraid to pick up passengers at airports and flight attendants are calling in sick — not because they are sick but because they fear getting sick. Thailand is clearly a nation at risk, with 70 flights bringing 10,000 people a day from the five places in Asia that have been hardest hit by the disease — China, Hong Kong, Singapore, Vietnam and Taiwan.

Word Of The Day

equable \EK-wuh-buhl; EE-kwuh-\, adjective:
1. Equal and uniform; not varying.
2. Not easily disturbed; not variable or changing -- said of the feelings, temper, etc

The equable sun burned my eyes through my binoculars.

Yesterday's News

The workplace is starting to get annoying. People are starting to form opinions about me. It is like going to school. I am the square kid. Just because I don't have any stories about getting trashed the night before I am square. Isn't that stupid. The best thing is that there are a couple of people that don't think that way. There is another "square" kid there also. Well, he is pretty damn square. He looks like dilbert. It is awsome. So... I missed the anniversary of Tuesday Basement Big Book tonight. I heard it was really cool. I missed seeing Bruce and some other cool people. I am really bummed out about that one. I think I am going to ask for Tuesday off every week.

Jackson // 10:43 PM
2 Commentss

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Monday, April 07, 2003:
News Of The Day

To the Americans who arrived by tank and helicopter and Humvee, this city 45 miles south of Baghdad began to reveal itself today in hints of a sinister past in captured military archives. Inside a bombed military headquarters, soldiers found strips of film negatives showing images of people who appeared to have met violent deaths. The images, shown to a reporter, appeared to document injuries on the bodies of three different people. A lot of other negatives kept in the same cabinet appeared to show ordinary work scenes.

Word Of The Day

censorious \sen-SOR-ee-uhs\, adjective:
1. Tending to blame, condemn, or criticize; harshly critical.
2. Implying or expressing harsh criticism or disapproval; as, "censorious remarks."

Mr. Schranz is a censorious type of person.

Yesterday's News

Hey... How was the weekend for all of you? My weekend was ok. Yes, it was just ok. I started off being sick as hell and ended up being sicker than hell. My lead last night was a bomb. I was not feeling too well. I lost all my thoughts and ideas. When I looked down at my cheat sheet, I couldn't seem to fit anything into place. I spent more time in silence than I did talking about using and abusing. When I ended my lead, I had about ten comments. Two were from new people that said my lead helped them. That made me feel really good. You know what? All I am out for is to help one person. Plant one seed in one person's mind.
Jackson // 3:06 PM
2 Commentss

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Friday, April 04, 2003:
News Of The Day

For one motorcycle patrolman here today, it seemed to matter little that columns of American troops were nearing the capital, or that the drivers still on the roads might have reasons to hasten in a city under heavy bombing, or even that the government whose laws he enforces might not be quite so solid as its ceaseless announcements of battlefield triumphs have implied. Idling on the embankment beside the Tigris on a perfect spring day, the leather-jacketed patrolman spotted a car careering though a red light, and gave chase. From an 11th-floor balcony of the Palestine Hotel, it was not possible to hear what the driver of the red Mercedes said when he was pulled over halfway down the block, but his gestures conveyed the essence powerfully enough. "Get real," the driver seemed to be saying. "Look at the sky. Look across the river. The old is giving way to the new."

Word Of The Day

stentorian \sten-TOR-ee-uhn\, adjective:
Extremely loud.

Stevie Ray Vaughan had a stentorian way of playing guitar.

Yesterday's News

Right now I am sitting here in my room listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan playing live. The cd is a two-disc set from the Montreux Jazz Festival in '82 and '85. The sounds that are coming out of the speakers are that of a hot summer thunderstorm. They blow you to the back of the seat like a wind gust of a hurricane. Yes... a guitar hurricane. Everything in a jumble but still making sense to the trained ear. To a lot of people, it would sound the same. The same old chord changes and turn-arounds. You know -- all that crappy talk. It makes you want to throw up when you hear someone say that "Texas Flood" is the same as "You Better Leave My Little Girl Alone." They are different. Similar but different. That is the beauty of his playing. He can take the same chord changes and the same timing and make it sound completely different. Different emotions and different effects on the brain. It cuts into your heart like a freshly sharpened butcher's knife. The kind you chop through bones with. The strat has never been used to such limits as S.R.V. has used it. It has never been so abused and humbled. Before Stevie came along, the strat thought nobody could conquer it and push it to the limits. Stevie Ray Vaughan practically blows the pickups out of the body. I wonder what would happen to a Washburn or an Ibanez. They would probably crumble in his hands after one searing note from his finger. All I am trying to say is that Stevie Ray Vaughan is so out of this world. He makes sitting around doing nothing feel like Heaven.
Jackson // 5:31 PM
1 Comment

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Thursday, April 03, 2003:
News Of The Day

One of the most important episodes today in the intensifying war in Iraq was not the American advance toward Baghdad. It was the American military's effort to stop the Iraqi Republican Guard from getting to the Iraqi capital. As American Army and Marine columns rumbled toward Baghdad, Republican Guard units began to withdraw from their defensive positions outside the capital and retreat into the city, where some Republican Guard units have already managed to redeploy. The enemy is taking what forces he can muster and is ordering them back into the city," a senior American military officer said tonight. "He is bringing in the Republican Guard for a last stand. We have been trying to kill anything that is moving toward the city. We don't want a big siege at the end of this."

Word Of The Day

Brobdingnagian \brob-ding-NAG-ee-uhn\, adjective:
Of extraordinary size; gigantic; enormous.

Phil had the haul the brobdingnagian bag of trash to the dumpster.

Yesterday's News

Nobody fucks with the jesus!

I have a quick little story for you all. Last night I was on my way up to Friendly's with some A.A.'s. Matt and Ben were in the car. There was also a dude who I couldn't quite remember by name. I was talking to my Dad, and telling him who I was with. I told my Dad to hold on so I could find out the unknown man's name. He said, "Jesus (pronounced "Hay-zues")." Holy shit! Think "Big Lebowski." Let me tell you... This dude was one cool cat. He had a lot of good things to say. It was a great time. He had a lot of advice for the troubles of an anonymous alcoholic at Friendly's. Anyway, let me get off the subject of Jesus. Today at work I had a damn good time. It was tiring but fun. I had another cat closing with me, so that was quick. I am starting to enjoy going to work now. Mike stopped in to say hi and chit-chat for a minute. It was really cool.
Jackson // 11:25 PM
4 Commentss

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Wednesday, April 02, 2003:
News Of The Day

Hasn't come yet.

Word Of The Day

minatory \MIN-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:
Threatening; menacing.

The alcohol in the bar is a minatory object to some people.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a fun-filled day up until work. I started work at 5pm. I was going to work a five-hour shift. Not that much time at all. About five pee cleanups later, it seemed like I was going to kill. You know how that keeps. People bringing their dogs in and just letting them pee. It was horrible. Pretty soon the whole store smelled like urine. Micturation! Arggghh! I started to close the dog section at about 8:30 and the cat at 7:30, and by 9pm all the cans were picked at again. I had to go back over everything and redo it. The lead cashier was pissed cause it was taking so long. My question is this: how do you expect a new employee to get 10 aisles of stuff organized in an hour?
Jackson // 3:54 PM
4 Commentss

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Tuesday, April 01, 2003:
News Of The Day

The main column of American marines set to attack Iraq's capital raced northward today, rolling on the country's main highway to within 70 miles of Baghdad and drawing only minimal resistance. The convoy, including dozens of tanks and some 14,000 combat troops, began its journey in the Iraqi desert and ended 40 miles away, along the newly formed front lines from which Iraqi soldiers had retreated just hours before. Night fell to sounds of American artillery bombarding the remnants of an Iraqi force that soldiers here said had been weakened severely by an American advance team early this morning. Two Iraqi missiles streaked across the afternoon sky, fired from a site a few miles up the road. Otherwise, the Iraqi guns were silent.

Word Of The Day

chicanery \shih-KAY-nuh-ree\, noun:
1. The use of trickery or sophistry to deceive (as in matters of law).
2. A trick; a subterfuge.

To get me out of the house my Mother resorted to chicanery.

Yesterday's News

Ain't no Billion Dollar Babies at meetings... Or is there?

Today I was at a meeting at noon and I saw a young woman holding a baby in her hand. I began to hear the opening chords and riffs of Alice Cooper's "Billion Dollar Babies." I was hearing the line, "i'm so scared your little head will come off in my hands." You could tell the girl didn't know what was good for the baby. She was bringing it into a place that was smokey enough to kill 6-8 small buffalo. I was surprised the baby didn't start choking. I am wondering if it was a bionic baby. A human outside with a bionic inside. It didn't cry the whole time either. It was very impressive. I couldn't speak. If the baby is truly a terminator baby it is an amazing development in robotics. It is all due to Miles Dyson of Cyberdyne Systems.
Jackson // 2:27 PM

march, 2003

Monday, March 31, 2003:
News Of The Day

Gen. Hazem al-Rawi, a spokesman for the Iraqi armed forces, said today that 4,000 volunteers from 23 Arab countries stand ready to carry out suicide attacks against American forces. Citing Ali Hammadi al-Namani, the soldier identified by the Baghdad government as the man who carried out a suicide bombing on Saturday that killed four American soldiers, General Rawi said the volunteers would follow the soldier's example.

Word Of The Day

invidious \in-VID-ee-uhs\, adjective:
1. Tending to provoke envy, resentment, or ill will.
2. Containing or implying a slight.
3. Envious.

Jim tends to be invidious when around Bryan.

Yesterday's News

I guess I know what it is like to be tired from work now. It feels good. You know when you get home from a hard day. It feels really good. Anyway, I am starting to see why people loved that lead. It was a sign of fighting off alcoholism. It was a sign of maturity. My friend Matt told me that people thought it was amazing because it was a young guy. It was somebody that actually wasn't lying. About half of the comments were from people that I have helped in one way or another. That's what I wanted... to help... And I did.
Jackson // 10:45 AM
1 Comment

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Saturday, March 29, 2003:
News Of The Day

With the war against Iraq in its second week, the most influential antiwar coalitions have shifted away from large-scale disruptive tactics and stepped up efforts to appeal to mainstream Americans. One of the largest groups, Win Without War, is encouraging the two million people on its e-mail list to send supportive letters to soldiers. Other groups have redoubled their fund-raising for billboards that declare "Peace is Patriotic" and include the giant image of an unfurling American flag.

Word Of The Day

verbiage \VUR-bee-ij\, noun:
1. An overabundance of words; wordiness.
2. Manner or style of expression; diction.

The verbiage used at the meeting was enough to make you hurl.

Yesterday's News

Yawwwnnn... The last couple of days have been tiring. On Thursday I led the A.A. meeting. I spoke for twenty-five minutes, and the comments lasted longer than my lead. About half of the people in the seventy-five person meeting made a comment. It was amazing. After the meeting, I was asked to lead at three different meetings over the next two months. It was really cool. When I walked into the meeting, everybody started to cheer and clap. I had a standing ovation after I spoke, too. It was something I had never seen before. I felt love coming from every corner of the room. I can't explain how I felt. I felt proud and humble. You feel naked going up there to talk in front of all those people. After about two minutes I just sucked it up and felt calm and comforted. I loved it.

Jackson // 11:53 AM
5 Commentss

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Thursday, March 27, 2003:
News Of The Day

Well... The news is war. War everywhere. 24 hour coverage on cnn. It is sad. I watch it cause I am worried about it going bad. George Bush says it'll be alright. I don't believe it. I hope it. But I don't believe it.

Word Of The Day

deprecate \DEP-rih-kayt\, transitive verb:
1. [Archaic] To pray against, as an evil; to seek to avert by prayer.
2. To disapprove of strongly.
3. To belittle; to depreciate.

Many people deprecate this war that is going on in Iraq.

Yesterday's News

Today is the big day. I am really pumped up for the lead. I am nervous too. I can't stop thinking about what I can say to help another alcoholic. Ok... Well... I will just be truthful. A lot of people are there to support me. That should be a comforting thing. Nate and Dan gave me good advice last. They told me to chill out. I am going to spend all day doing that. Sighhhhhhhhh... I am on the edge of my seat. My bro is going to be there. I am so excited for him to see the kind of people I see everyday. The odd thing is that I consider 40- or 50- year-old guys and gals my friends. It is really cool. For example, I got a call from a guy name Tom who wished me good luck with my lead. It felt good. Really good. A.A. is amazing.
Jackson // 10:48 AM
3 Commentss

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Tuesday, March 25, 2003:
Word Of The Day

caesura \sih-ZHUR-uh; -ZUR-\, noun;
plural caesuras or caesurae \sih-ZHUR-ee; -ZUR-ee\:
1. A break or pause in a line of verse, usually occurring in
the middle of a line, and indicated in scanning by a double
vertical line; for example, "The proper study || of mankind is
man" [Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man].
2. Any break, pause, or interruption.

Not many people know how to use the caesura. I think it should be taught in grammar class.

News Of The Day

As United States troops close in on Baghdad, a central question facing American commanders is how fiercely Iraq's Republican Guard will fight. The roughly 100,000 soldiers in six Republican Guard divisions are considered Iraq's most loyal and capable force, better trained and better equipped than the rest of Saddam Hussein's 350,000-man army. Three of the divisions are now guarding approaches to Baghdad. Perhaps the toughest unit of all, the Medina Division, is dug in with its Soviet-made T-72 tanks to the south of the Iraqi capital and is the focus of a new American air assault.

Yesterday's News

These last couple opf days I have been on a spiritual high. I have felt better than I ever have. I must be me changing. I must be becoming more in touch with my higher power. It is a wonderful feeling to feel whole. Well almost whole. I am still not to the point where I feel that way. Anyway, the feeling is great. At work I am performing like a champ. I get my work done very quick. I help customers to the best of my abilities. The managers and other head people like the way I do things. My A.A. program is going smoothly. I am helping people and allowing myself to be helped. There isn't really anything absent from my life right now. Life is sweet!

Jackson // 11:03 PM
2 Commentss

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Monday, March 24, 2003:
News Of The Day

Iraq's defense minister said on Sunday that American forces driving north toward Baghdad had engaged in a pattern of "stops and swerves" around Iraqi defenses in cities and towns along the way, but that they would eventually have to "pay a heavy price in blood" by fighting for Baghdad if they wanted to topple Saddam Hussein. The warning by Gen. Sultan Hashim, delivered at an evening news conference, came only hours before an intensification of American bombing and missile attacks on the Iraqi capital. After a mostly quiet period in central Baghdad since the ferocious bombardment on Friday night, a volley of cruise missiles began slamming into key government and military buildings on both sides of the Tigris River early today.

Word Of The Day

salmagundi \sal-muh-GUHN-dee\, noun:
1. A salad plate usually consisting of chopped meat, anchovies, eggs, and onions, served with oil and vinegar.
2. Any mixture or assortment; a medley; a potpourri; a miscellany.

Please pass me the salmagundi. I need to eat some ruffage.

Yesterday's News

Hey... This war in Iraq is getting to be brutal. I am worried that we have gotten our country into something bad. I am trusting my life in Bush's hands. If I had a choice I wouldn't trust him. I am worried that another Vietnam is going to happen. The government is saying that it will be swift and precise. I can't believe that I am living through a time like this. A time of war and terror. I want to live in a time of peace. Unfortunately that will never come to pass. There will always be racism, war, and hatred. Heaven is the ultimate prize in the end of life. Heaven is the target I am shooting for.

Jackson // 11:06 PM
1 Comment

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Song Of The Week

It's all the same, only the names will change
Everyday it seems we're wasting away
Another place where the faces are so cold
I'd drive all night just to get back home

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're all alone all you do is think

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back
I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall
I've seen a million faces an I've rocked them all

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

Jackson // 9:10 AM
Comment

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Sunday, March 23, 2003:
News Of The Day

Iraqi forces have been repositioning their surface-to-surface missiles and are expected to try further missile attacks against advancing American troops, senior American officials said today. The officials also disclosed that the missiles fired at Kuwait over the past few days have not been random shots but have been targeted, based on Iraqi intelligence about where American units were positioned. Allied warplanes are now involved in an intensive effort to strike the Iraqis' mobile missile launchers before they fire again. United States military officials say they bombed several Iraqi missile launchers last night. But the Iraqi missile batteries now appear to be heading north on the highway out of Basra so they can fire at the right flank of the American troops as they advance toward Baghdad.

Word Of The Day

conspectus \kuhn-SPEK-tuhs\, noun:
1. A general sketch or survey of a subject.
2. A synopsis; an outline.

Your conspectus has to be due by Thursday.

Yesterday's News

These last few days have been really hectic. Friday and Saturday I had to close at work. On Friday night I went bowling. I bowled pretty bad, but I had a good time. Anyway, I don't like cat people(no offense to any of my cat owning family members). They have no respect for anything in pet stores. They rip into the sealed boxes of canned food, throw empty boxes on the ground, and steal cans of food. The cat food aisles look like a toy store on Christmas Eve. Everything is out of place, opened, and broken. It is a bitch to close because the stocker has to organize all the dog and cat food stuff. It takes about an hour to do the cat food alone. I have only worked for a week, but I am already cracking and want to punch the cat-ladies. The good thing is that not everyone is like that. There are cat people who don't care how fresh the damn food is. They don't care if the label is torn or faded. They couldn't care less. I like those people. They are wonderful. They are really fun to help out. I also love helping the beautiful women that come in looking for recommendations for dog food or treats. It is great. Anyway I am leaving to go to a meeting in a minute. I will ttyl!

Jackson // 6:36 PM
Comment

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Friday, March 21, 2003:
News Of The Day

About 1000 American troops launched operations in eastern Afghanistan today in a hunt for al Qaeda members, a spokesman at Central Command headquarters said here. Soldiers from the Army's 82d Airborne Division were ferried in helicopters from their base in Kandahar, the former Taliban stronghold in southern Afghanistan, to areas around Jalalabad and Mazar-e-Sharif, the spokesman said. Teams of ordnance specialists destroyed a weapons cache of a dozen rockets and another cache of improvised explosive devices, the spokesman said.

Word Of The Day

virago \vuh-RAH-go; vuh-RAY-go\, noun:
1. A woman of extraordinary stature, strength, and courage.
2. A woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing.

The woman that pitched today was a virago.

Yesterday's News

I'm really sorry ya'll. I forgot to blog yesterday. Please don't shoot me. Anyway, yesterday was a cool day. I got some nice speakers put into the neon and tomorrow there will be a CD player in it. My Dad and I are pimping it out. Well... Not really. After I picked up the speakers I dropped by Matt's house and we went back to my house. At my house we proceeded to play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Anyway, I took Matt, Yacko, and Ben to Bay West Discussion. When I sat down in that meeting I felt at home. That will be my place for meetings on that night. After the meeting, we all went out to dinner a bunch of younger guys from that meeting. It was a blast. We were acting like a bunch of 9-year-olds.
Jackson // 10:35 AM
2 Commentss

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Wednesday, March 19, 2003:
News Of The Day

A Yemeni gunman shot dead three workers today at an American oil rig in northern Yemen, according to a spokesman for the rig's supervisor, Hunt Oil Company of Dallas. The assault, which left an American, a Canadian and a Yemeni dead, ended when the assailant shot himself, the company said. Another Canadian worker was wounded.

Word Of The Day

diadem \DY-uh-dem\, noun:
1. A crown.
2. An ornamental headband worn (as by Eastern monarchs) as a
badge of royalty.
3. Regal power; sovereignty; empire; -- considered as
symbolized by the crown.

The King wore his diadem proudly upon his head.

Yesterday's News

Listen to this. On my way home tonight, I stopped in at a gas station to pick up a pop. While selecting my flavor, I heard a report on the radio about the "War On Iraq." I asked the attendant what was going on. I stood there for ten minutes talking to him about war and how stupid it is. I really hate war. I never liked violence. Well... Except in Steven Segal and Bruce Willis movies. Anyway, the hidden point behind this little passage is that tragedy brings us all together. It is time to stick with our fellow man. Time to hang on. I am only 17, as you all know, so I don't know how serious this is. All I know is that it quacks (sucks). I do not like it one bit. I am putting my faith, as an American, in George Bush. I pray that he makes decisions for the good of all Americans. Peace...

Jackson // 11:50 PM
1 Comment

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Tuesday, March 18, 2003:
Word Of The Day

trencherman \TREN-chuhr-muhn\, noun:
A hearty eater.

When I get home from work I am a trencherman.

Yesterday's News

Good news! The Neon is fine. The oil filter was punctured. If was free to get it changed too. The man at the oil change place gave my Dad a freebie. That is really cool. Anyway, work was really good today. I worked hard and fast. The head cashier even complimented me. It was great. So... Before I went to work I picked up Matt (a new guy in A.A.) and we went to a noon meeting. It was great. After the meeting, we went to lunch with my Mom. I had a really good time with my Mom. It was something that I haven't really done in a while. After lunch I had to fly over to my guitar lessons. Drew (my teacher) and I jammed out to "Tequila." You know what is cool... His Dad wrote that song. That is awsome and crazy. After the guitar lesson I went to work. 4 words for you... I... Hate... Cat... Food.
Jackson // 11:14 PM
7 Commentss

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Monday, March 17, 2003:
News Of The Day

Wen Jiabao, a number-crunching chief of staff who self-effacingly served China's top leaders for two decades, was formally appointed prime minister today. His election by the National People's Congress gives him day-to-day command of China's economy and its 100-million-person bureaucracy and completes the leadership transition that began last fall. Mr. Wen, 60, who succeeds the formidable and sometimes brusque Zhu Rongji, will face the challenge of keeping the economy primed. He has vowed to do more to raise the income of peasants and to help workers displaced by wrenching economic changes. Like his superior Hu Jintao, who became Communist Party chief last November and state president on Saturday, Mr. Wen scaled the one-party political hierarchy leaving few footprints and making no known enemies. People who have worked with him say he is conspicuous mainly for being fastidious. He lets policy documents sit on his desk for at least three days before signing off, they say, so he can slow-cook the contents in his mind and triple-check the grammar.

Word Of The Day

verdant \VUR-dnt\, adjective:
1. Covered with growing plants or grass; green with vegetation.
2. Green.
3. Unripe in knowledge, judgment, or experience; unsophisticated; green.

Alex is a verdant type of person when he is making decisions in his new job.

Yesterday's News

This is one of those days when you want to be locked in a shed. I have a good day until the night. I was on my way over to Craig's house when I hit a mailbox that was in the road. I was driving too close to the person in front of me so I didn't have enough time to react. This seems to be a constant problem with cars. This is the fifth car that I have used in a year. Car #1: '90 Toyota Corolla - Gave to brother, and two clutches within 10,000 miles. Car #2: '93 Nissan Altima SE - Crashed. Car #3: '92 Toyota Paseo - Engine blew out due to lack of oil. Car #4: '91 Chevy Cavalier - Two rims and five tires replaced within 3 weeks. Car #4: '95 Chrysler Neon - I do not know what is wrong. You get the point. The only positive thing that comes out of this is that I am still sober.
Jackson // 10:26 PM
3 Commentss

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Sunday, March 16, 2003:
Like A Stone...
Jackson // 11:01 AM
Comment

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Friday, March 14, 2003:
Word Of The Day

emolument \ih-MOL-yuh-muhnt\, noun:
The wages or perquisites arising from office, employment, or labor; gain; compensation.

Jim gets a lot of emolument from his job. He is loaded.

News Of The Day

I haven't recieved the ny times in a few days. I think we can all assume that the news is all about war. That is the only thing that seems to be important to people anymore. I do not like it.

Yesterday's News

Tonight was as sweet as anything and everything. After the meeting we the A.A. people went up to Tony Roma's. I started to think about how cool and unreal life is now. I was sitting next to this 65-year-old man who drives a 98 Mustang Cobra. That dosen't seem like much to you, but it shows the youthfulness of the people in this program. I was thinking of how awsome it is that all these people care about me. They would do almost anything to help me. Mostly all of them are completely selfless. They care about others and would help anyone. It is amazing. I am noticing that I am becoming more selfless. I try to do as much as possible to help the other alcoholic. I will take it to the wall for mostly all of my A.A. peers. My life is amazing. It is a blessing from God. I just need to stay on the right track. I love you all...
Jackson // 11:54 PM
2 Commentss

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Word Of The Day

tetchy \TECH-ee\, adjective:
Peevish; testy; irritable.

Alex has a really tetchy personality. All he does is get pissed off.

Today's News

Today was a really great day for me. It started off kinda slow. After about 9am, it picked up. I read a good bit, too. Let's get into the later details. Later on I went to a meeting and saw a really great lead. The cat had about six years of sobriety. He is a recovering coke addict, too. It was nice hearing him talk about it. He talked about coke for a good five minutes. It was a really inspirational lead. He talked a lot about spirituality and prayer. He is not a religious man, but a very spiritual man. He was humble as hell. A lot of gratitude. His lead sounded like what I want mine to sound like. He talked like he was so together and confident. He talked like a real man. Emotional... Thankful. He kept it real, too. I am going to really work at becoming a person like that in everyday life.
Jackson // 12:04 AM
2 Commentss

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Wednesday, March 12, 2003:
News Of The Day

Israeli troops in the West Bank destroyed a three-story apartment building today with a tank shell and a bulldozer, killing a Palestinian gunman inside. Soldiers also shot and killed two militants carrying pipe bombs outside a Jewish settlement in the southern Gaza Strip, the army said. The gunman had opened fire Monday night on Israeli soldiers in Hebron near the Tomb of the Patriarchs, sacred to both Jews and Muslims as the burial place of Abraham. One soldier was killed and five were wounded, the army said. The radical Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine and the militant Islamic group Hamas both claimed responsibility for the attack. Troops surrounded the gunman in the apartment building. This morning, they fired a tank shell, Palestinian witnesses said, but the gunman continued to return fire, and the building was razed by an armored bulldozer. The gunman's body was found inside, and Israeli soldiers and Palestinian residents went through the rubble at one point, looking for a second body, but none was found.

Word Of The Day

immolate \IM-uh-layt\, transitive verb:
1. To sacrifice; to offer in sacrifice; to kill as a sacrificial victim.
2. To kill or destroy, often by fire

I can no longer immolate myself by using drugs.

Today's News

ZZZZZZ... I am very tired. Today was great though. In the morning, I got up and went to work! I worked my ass off. If I can go on a diet and work, too, I can lose tons of weight. It is a damn physical job. Oh yea... I am a stock boy. Anyway, after work I went home and read a little. After that, I cleaned my room and showered. At around 6pm, I went over to Craig's house. We have a two-person "techno" band. The name is "The Dead Beats." We recorded our first song today. It is called "Freaks On The Dance Floor..." It was great. It is damn fun listening to it. I think we will make a whole album of cool stuff. It's really easy to make techno. All you do is bust out a modern key-board and bust out beats. All the cats are gonna love it. I need to sleep. I have been feeling so good since the Twelve Step Weekend. I feel refreshed. You know? It is great. Damn great.
Jackson // 4:48 PM
3 Commentss

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Tuesday, March 11, 2003:
News Of The Day

Americans are growing impatient with the United Nations and say they would support military action against Iraq even if the Security Council refuses to support an invasion, according to the latest New York Times/CBS News Poll. The poll found that 58 percent of Americans said the United Nations was doing a poor job in managing the Iraqi crisis, a jump of 10 points from a month ago. And 55 percent of respondents in the latest poll would support an American invasion of Iraq, even if it was in defiance of a vote of the Security Council.

Word Of The Day

mollify \MOL-uh-fy\, transitive verb:
1. To pacify; to soothe or calm in temper or disposition.
2. To reduce in intensity; to temper.
3. To soften; to reduce the rigidity of.

Why do you try to mollify John's punishment for shoplifting?

Yesterday's News

Hey... Today was my first day working in over a year. I got a job at PETsMART. It is a cool place. There are a lot of really good people working there. The managers are cool and the gal in the fish department is funny. Tomorrow, I will actually work. I am so damn excited. This gives me an opportunity to expand my life. I can make some money and become more independent. I have been taking little steps forward since I got out of rehab. This is a really big one.

I cannot believe my parents are giving me this much so early. It doesn't seem like much to you all, but it is a lot to me. It is really nice in the house. When I was using, there were fights and tension. Now, it is pretty calm.

There is love in the house.
Jackson // 10:24 PM
4 Commentss

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Monday, March 10, 2003:
News OF The Day

In a modest escalation of its challenges to the United States and its allies, North Korea test-fired a surface-to-ship missile tonight, according to American and Japanese officials. The launch itself had been expected, after North Korea issued a warning to mariners a few days ago to stay clear of its coast. The missile — fired midday Monday in Korea — appears to be short-range and probably the same type that was fired late last month, the Japanese defense agency said. American officials have not been especially concerned about these launches. But they fear that it could be a prelude to a much more threatening test, either of the long-range Taepodong or a shorter-range Nodong missile. The Taepodong was fired over Japan in 1998, provoking a series of exchanges and eventually a North Korean commitment to a moratorium on such launches.

Word Of The Day

limn \LIM\, transitive verb:
1. To depict by drawing or painting.
2. To portray in words; to describe.

The "Catcher In The Rye" can be limned in one word. Amazing.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday i got home from a 12 step weekend. The weekend was very tiring. They are very good for my sobriety, but it is like an overdose of A.A. This weekend was really awsome though. There were a lot of people there that i love to see. There were a lot of good talks out in the smoking shed. I liked my Grand-sponsor's step speech the best. It was very emotional. Anyway, on my way home my car overheated. It was shitty. I was not in the mood for shit with the car. It really pissed me off. My parents picked me up and we went to lunch. After lunch i went to a meeting. My mood was back to normal there. The lead was great and i was restored to sanity. I am sorry for shortness and the shallowness. I can't really get it out of me right now. I will try tomorrow. Peace...
Jackson // 4:03 PM
1 Comment

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Friday, March 07, 2003:
News Of The Day

The Senate unanimously approved a treaty with Russia today that requires both countries to reduce their arsenals of deployed strategic nuclear weapons to below 2,200 warheads each over the next 10 years. The pact now goes to President Bush, who planned to sign it, according to the White House. The Russian Parliament has yet to act on the treaty. The bare-bones, three-page accord, known as the Strategic Offensive Reductions Treaty, does not require either country to destroy warheads or the missiles and bombers that carry them, as previous arms-control pacts have required. The two countries now have about 6,000 deployed warheads each. Critics have derided the treaty as almost meaningless because it allows both nations to keep their nonoperational weapons in storage, capable of being reactivated and reinstalled on missiles, submarines or bombers on relatively short notice. But the White House has hailed the accord as a landmark, saying the two countries can now look beyond nuclear rivalry and cooperate in the war on terrorism.

Word Of The Day

transitive verb:
1. To mark with irregular lines or letters; to scribble on or over.
2. To make or obtain by scraping together hastily.
noun:
1. The act or an instance of scrabbling.
2. A scribble.

Are you going to scrabble in the dumpster for dinner again tonight?!!

Yesterday's News

Hey... Last night, the drive home from the meeting was filled with emotions. I drove this man home last night who spent his last night at an A.A. meeting before he had to go to jail in the morning. The guy was going to serve a month because he just got his third D.U.I. A month isn't that long but I am blessed for not ever getting locked up. You know? Plus, the shit I was doing and the amounts I had would have been enough to get me locked up for quite a bit. I had enough to sell. Anyway, today I am leaving to go to a Twelve Step Weekend. It is kinda like a retreat. You go and hear speakers talk about all the steps. They are very good for me. I get in touch with my spirituality again. I also can get my problems out of my system. It is great. I'm sorry. I can't write today. Sometimes I can't.

Jackson // 11:17 AM
3 Commentss

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Thursday, March 06, 2003:
News Of The Day

A deeply divided Supreme Court upheld California's "three-strikes" law today, rejecting constitutional challenges to sentences of 25 years without parole for a man who stole three golf clubs from a pro shop and 50 years without parole for another for stealing children's videotapes from a Kmart store. Both men had previous convictions for a string of mostly minor property offenses that qualified as prior strikes under California's recidivist sentencing law, adopted by the state's voters in a 1994 referendum. More than 7,000 people are now in California prisons serving sentences of at least 25 years under the law, including more than 300 whose "third strike" was a "petty theft."

Word Of The Day

salutary \SAL-yuh-ter-ee\, adjective:
1. Producing or contributing to a beneficial effect; beneficial; advantageous.
2. Wholesome; healthful; promoting health.

His salutary way of donating to the hospital helped improve the urgent care center.

Yesterday's News

I told you yesterday I was going to write about the steps of A.A. every week. Yesterday my talk about the first step was really weak. I am going to go more in-depth into my experiences today. First I will talk about my denial, what led me to believe and why it helps me to stay sober today.

First, alcohol and drugs seem to create denial within a person. I always knew I was a junkie and that I had a problem, but I couldn't see how it screwed up my life. I knew I was powerless, but I thought my life was manageable.

After I got sober, it took me a long time to figure out what was unmanageable about my life. As an example, when I wasn't sober, I couldn't live with myself without being high. I had a lot of pain "the morning after." My heart was shot. I didn't see those things as making my life unmanageable, though. I always thought of unmanageability as losing jobs or living on the streets. That's not true. My life was unmanageable by me. It was horrible. If you want to have a slight idea of what that feels like, remember that first time your heart was broken. Now think of that, except ten times worse.

After a while floating around, I decided to try to understand this thing called sobriety. I asked people about it. They gave me feedback. I started to understand the first step. When you first get clean, there is this fog in your head. It takes a couple of months to start to understand anything. It took me three months and one relapse to get the first step completely. To me, the first step means that I cannot drink or use drugs without a horrible consequence. If I do pick up again, there is no way to know how much I am going to use. When I was using I couldn't stop until it all ran out.

The thought that keeps me clean is that I cannot control my addiction. It has to be all or nothing. I can't socially use for shit. It is pointless anyways. I can have a great time without drinking. Why would I need a temporary fix to enhance that fun? The feeling will be gone in a couple of hours.

Song Of The Day
This song has such a good vibe.

So long ago I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
They said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listen through the cemetery trees

I seen the sun coming up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
I wondered why she hung around this place

Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

She said it's cold, it feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed

I seen the sign up ahead at the county line bridge
Saying all is good and nothingness is dead
We run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothing left
She hit the end, it's just her window ledge

Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

Well, this place is old it feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn
It smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn

I'm so alone and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between
These city walls of dying dreams
I think her death it must be killing me

Jackson // 11:40 AM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, March 04, 2003:
News Of The Day

In the deadliest attack in a recent surge of violence in the southern Philippines, a bomb at an international airport today killed at least 21 people — including an American Baptist missionary — and wounded 170 others as they took shelter in a shed from the rain. The American missionary, William P. Hyde, 59, had lived and worked in the Philippines since 1978. He had gone to the airport in Davao City on Mindanao to meet Barbara Wallis Stevens, 33, and her family, who were arriving from Manila. Mrs. Stevens, her 10-month-old son, Nathan, and her daughter, Sarah, were slightly wounded. With her husband, Mark, who was not wounded, Mrs. Stevens has worked in the Philippines as a Baptist missionary since 2000. "I just heard it explode to my side," she said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "I was carrying my infant son so I grabbed my daughter and picked her up and ran away."

Word Of The Day

melange \may-LAHNZH\, noun:
A mixture; a medley.

Led Zeppelin played a wonderful melange of songs for the encore.

Yesterday's News

Hey... Sorry I haven't written in a couple of days. My brothers have been home, and i've been hangin out with them. You know how it is. I had a good time with them this weekend. We went out to dinner on Saturday night about an hour away from our house. On Sunday... well I know that we cooked a big breakfast.

Oh yea! I went to a job interview at Pet's Mart. I think it went well. It seemed like it went well. They gave me a form so I could go get a urine test. I had to micturate into a little plastic cup on monday. It was embarrassing. Hey, at least I didn't have to do it in front of the lady.

On Monday, the whole crew went on down to coventry (an artsy fartsy area in east cleveland) and ate at mongolian b-b-q. It was great. I can't really remember much more, but I had a great time.

As you all know, I am working a twelve-step program. I have decided to write on one of the steps every week. Today, I am going to talk about the 1st step. We admitted we were powerless over alchohol (or drugs), and that our lives have become unmanageable. This is pretty easy to understand. Being powerless means that you can't control it. It means that you can't control when you drink, how much you drink, and what happens after you take the first drink. It is a scary thing being powerless. Unmanageability is harder to understand. You might still pay your bills, support your family, and go to work. How can life be unmanageable? But can you live with yourself without being intoxicated? If not, your life sounds unmanageable. I'll talk more about my personal first step tomorrow.
Jackson // 10:02 AM
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Saturday, March 01, 2003:
God Is Mysterious

God was in my life in a big way tonight. A very moving and amazing way. At my meeting tonight I was looking at this man the whole night. He looked extremely familiar. He kinda looked like my Uncle Joey who I hadn't seen in over four years. I had a gut feeling it was. At the end of the meeting this man walked up to me and said, "Jackson... Right?" I said, "yea." A chill ran down my spine as if someone put a cold ice cube at the bottom of my neck. He continued and said, "I'm your Uncle Joey." Oh my God. I hugged him and never wanted to let go. I had only met this man two or three times in my life and I had so much love for him. Love that I never thought I was capable of. He asked me some questions about how life is. I gave him another hug and walked outside. I called my Mother and told her that Joey was at the meeting. I heard a short pause. She asked, "Who?" I said, "Your brother Joey." I was crying thoughout this whole time on the phone. If you could only imagine the feeling I had. I felt like God was standing there next to me. Almost as if he was holding my hand. I went back into the meeting and talked to him some more. I could barely hold back the tears. I have never felt this way before. I think God placed Joey and me there together. I am trying to think of the words to describe how I feel and what happened tonight. I can't. The only thing that comes to mind is Heaven. Heaven on earth.
Jackson // 12:47 AM

february, 2003

Friday, February 28, 2003:
News Of The Day

A day after the tour manager for the band whose pyrotechnics ignited the fire that killed 96 people at a nightclub here testified before a grand jury, his lawyer said today that the manager had confirmed a week before the performance that the club ``wanted pyrotechnics.'' His comments came as Gov. Donald L. Carcieri reported that the death toll in the Feb. 20 fire was lowered by 1 to 96 after the state medical examiner completed examining all the remains. All the victims have been identified, the governor said. Thomas G. Briody of Providence, the lawyer for the tour manager, Dan Biechele, also said today: ``Dan always sought permission from promoters or club representatives before pyrotechnics were used. When permission was denied, pyrotechnics were not used.'' Mr. Biechele, who has worked with Great White, the band that was performing at the Station nightclub, and other 1980's metal bands, appeared Wednesday before a grand jury in East Greenwich that is investigating the fire.

Word Of The Day

forfend \for-FEND\, transitive verb:
1. a. [Archaic] To prohibit; to forbid. b. To ward off; to prevent; to avert.
2. To defend; to protect; to preserve.

The police had to forfend the citizens from getting into the crime scene.

Yesterday's News

The last couple weeks I have been going through some major changes. I have been discovering new things about myself. I have been making significant leaps forward in my sobriety. I was just thinking aboutmy lead. When it came to mind I thought: "Why am I still here? What am I supposed to do? God's Will... That's what." Then I thought: "Well, if I am doing God's Will, then how can I live my dreams?" Here is the simple answer. God has saved my life on countless occasions. The least I can do is His Will. You know? Anyway, the last couple of days have been really cool. Wednesday I went out to dinner with Corrine, Amy, Pete, Mike, and Ben. It was very fun. We talked about sobriety and cracked a lot of jokes. Later on Anne stopped in to hang out a little. It's kinda cool when a seventeen-year-old can hang out with twenty-year-olds. Last night was also a decent night. I met this really cool girl at the meeting. I was gonna get her number but I pussied (is that a word?) out. I have also been talking to this cat that sings and plays bass. I have been talking to him a bit and I think I am gonna ask him if he would like to jam. The only problem is that he is an emo cat. Hey! Fuck it! Emo is alright. After the meeting I just went home. I played a little guitar and then went to sleep. Lately I have actually been getting a good bit of schoolwork done. Being sober make school a lot easier. I actually do the work. Anyway I am runnin on empty with ideas. I will talk to you groovy cats next week. Peace out...

Jackson // 11:18 AM
11 Commentss

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Thursday, February 27, 2003:
My Thoughts That Come From Listening To Music

If you haven't noticed from my occasional "Song Of The Day" posting, music is a huge part of my life. Music heals the spirit. It helps you get out of holes. It cheers you up. It's like having one of those amazing conversations with a close one. Music of substance gives me one of those chills down my spine that no amount of L.S.D. can replicate. It is an amazing thing. Music of substance: Zeppelin, Hendrix, Springsteen, Tommy Bolin, and Stevie Ray Vaughan. Chills down the spine, baby. I love listening to S.R.V. and feeling like I just stepped into a wind tunnel. When I hear the "Boss," I feel like exploding with positive energy. He truly did save Rock 'n' Roll. Stairway to Heaven makes me think of my late Grandma M.A. I remember when I first heard that song, I put it on repeat and prayed for my Grandma to be saved. Indeed, she was. She is in Heaven right now. Looking down on my family. Loving us. Hugging us. Never letting go. Music helps me get in touch with my heart, soul, and spirituality. It is a wonderful thing. Just pop on Bruce Springsteen's Thunder Road while driving down an empty highway. It creates a friend out of thin air. I can't tell you how many times a good song has saved me from going into the store and getting some robitussin. This whole rant came into my mind as I was driving home tonight from a meeting. I was alone until I turned on the radio. Just listen to S.R.V.'s version of Little Wing with your eyes closed. Music is my true love. It is what I want to do for the rest of my life. It would be a true gift from God if I could play guitar to the world for the rest of my life. Love music. Hear music. Cherish music. Never let those last few notes go. Keep them in your head and in your dreams.
Jackson // 11:03 PM
8 Commentss

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News Of The Day

An open pit, the crucible where the fires burned for weeks after Sept. 11, 2001, and the ground that held most of the bodies of the dead, will stand as the centerpiece of the city's effort to memorialize and rebuild after the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center, under a decision made by city and state officials last night. The move came yesterday when officials overseeing the rebuilding of Lower Manhattan agreed to hire Studio Daniel Libeskind, the Berlin-based firm whose plan for the site centers on the excavated pit at the trade center, ringed by glass towers that swirl upward to a 1,776-foot spire.

Word Of The Day

spoony \SPOO-nee\, adjective:
1. Foolish; silly; excessively sentimental.
2. Foolishly or sentimentally in love.

Your spoony sence of humor is the reason why people like you.

Yesterday's News

Hello... How are you all! I am doing very well. I do not think i'm stuck in that rut anymore. I am feeling very clean and free. I think i've come a long way in a year. In early 2002 I hit my bottom. I couldn't stop using. I needed to be high every day. I felt like shit and probably looked it too. I felt sick every day. I had stomach aches and headaches. Every time I woke up I felt like I had just fell out a window. Life seemed fake. I felt like I was in some 3rd dimension. Like I was outside my body looking down at it. When I would hear things it would sound like I was in an echo chamber. Everything was dark. There was no light shining on me. I would get sick sometimes and my head would feel like it was in a vice. Oh, I forgot about how it felt in my heart. Cold and dead. But... Now there is light and my heart is warm.

Jackson // 11:24 AM
4 Commentss

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Wednesday, February 26, 2003:
Word Of The Day

complaisant \kuhm-PLAY-suhnt; -zuhnt\, adjective:
Exhibiting a desire to please; obliging; compliant.

He has a complaisant personallity.

Yesterday’s News

Lately I have been thinking about my first lead coming up. I am thinking about what I should talk about. Of course, I’ll talk about my usage. I won't dwell on it for long. I believe that you should talk more about your sobriety. There's no point of doing a long drunk-a-log. Everybody in the room knows how to get ripped. There might be a new guy sitting in the back who wants to hear about how you got sober. He wants to hear how you work the steps. He doesn’t want to hear all the alcohol and drugs you’ve used. It's not cool. I could talk for hours about all the shit I did. It just isn’t necessary. You know? I am really nervous about this lead. I’m sure that I will kick ass. It is pretty hard to mess up your own story. I’ll just tell the truth.

You know what I hate. I hate when a relative looks on your website and doesn't comment. It's rude.

Jackson // 11:49 AM
6 Commentss

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Tuesday, February 25, 2003:
News Of The Day

North Korea, in a "provocative reminder" of the tense security situation on the Korean Peninsula, on Monday conducted its first missile launching test in three years, South Korea's Yonyap news agency said today. The move by North Korea appeared to be an attention-getting measure as a new South Korean president, who has vowed to be aggressive in reshaping his country's relationship with the United States, prepares to take office today.

Word Of The Day

grandee \gran-DEE\, noun:
1. A man of elevated rank or station.
2. In Spain or Portugal, a nobleman of the first rank.

He was a grandee in his home country.

Yesterday's News

Oh my... I am going to write about a little of what happened today. Ok. Is that cool? Anyone... Anyone... Bueller... Bueller. Anyway, I went to my shrink's today. There were some topics that I wanted to discuss with him. Some dreams that were puzzling me. You know? One of them was a dream in which I had gotten a sex change. Very odd. The other was I had this dream that a cat (man) walked in while i was micturating. Those are fucked up, aren't they? Anyway, my head doctor told me that the first, the sex change one, symbolized me growing emotionally. I do not get how he put those together. Do you? Uh huh... That's what I thought. The second one was about me noticing the anger inside me. I do notice anger. I will choose not to talk about it in public. Those are some tripped-out dreams. Anyway, yesterday was pretty crappy. Not the actions of the day, but just my mood. I had a good time with school and other things. I just felt mentally and emotionally tired. Really tired. Today I feel a hell of a lot better. I think getting stuck in the snow last night cured my blues. I couldn't stop laughing. Peace...
Jackson // 5:48 PM
1 Comment

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Monday, February 24, 2003:
News Of The Day

Before President Bush orders American forces to let loose on Iraq, the military is starting an assault using a growing arsenal of electronic and psychological weapons on the "information battlefield." American cyber-warfare experts recently started an e-mail assault, directed at Iraq's political, military and economic leadership, urging them to break with Saddam Hussein's government. A wave of calls has gone to the private cellphone numbers of specially selected officials inside Iraq, according to leaders at the Pentagon and in the regional Central Command.

Word Of The Day

chimerical \ky-MER-ih-kuhl; -MIR-; kih-\, adjective:
1. Merely imaginary; produced by or as if by a wildly fanciful imagination; fantastic; improbable or unrealistic.
2. Given to or indulging in unrealistic fantasies or fantastic schemes.

This chimerical story you are telling is silly.

Yesterday's News

Hello... This weekend was pretty wicked. I hung out over at Adam's house Friday and Saturday night. You know what? Why do you want to hear about my weekend. I'll tell you about different stuff. Lately I have been in a rut. I am slowly getting myself out by talking to more and more people. It helps to open up and get the garbage out. It also helps to ask God for guidance. I have been having feeling of what to do. I have forced myself to say something. I have felt like this for the last two weeks. It really sucks cause I am coming up on my first lead in late March. I want to have a lot of positive stuff to talk about. I want to say that I got out of my first really bad rut. I am meeting with Danny in a few days to talk about this problem. Don't worry... I haven't gone back out or anything. Anyway... Other than this stuff I am happy. Today I am going to apply over at Pet's Mart for a job. I will most likely get it. If I do get it I will be very happy. Then, it will be time to save my money.
Jackson // 11:51 AM
3 Commentss

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Friday, February 21, 2003:
News Of The Day

The United States will send more than 1,700 troops to the Philippines in the next few weeks to fight Muslim extremists in the southern part of the country, opening a new front in the campaign against terrorism, Pentagon officials said today. The first troops are to be deployed within days. Unlike a six-month mission last year that involved 1,300 American troops, it will not limit United States forces to an advisory role allowing them to fire only in self-defense, military officials said.

Word Of The Day

aggress \uh-GRES\, intransitive verb:
To commit the first act of hostility or offense; to make an attack.

You agress against the President in any way, and you will be in trouble.

Yesterday's News

Lately I have been thinking about the kid I used to sponsor. I am wonder how he can see the magic of A.A. in his life and throw it all away. It scares me that someone can feel so good about sobriety and then just say, "fuck it." It makes no sense to me. I can't dream of ever doing that. I'm very tired today. I'm tired of so much A.A. I need to change things. I need to not go to so many meetings. It is just too much and I don't need it. I think I might just go to 4 or 5 meetings a week. This will allow me more time with my parents and more time to relax. And, I just don't like seeing alcoholics every day. You Know? Think of it in this way. Would you like to go to the bowling alley every single night. Would you like to eat at the Olive Garden every day. You see where I am coming from. It is an overdose of A.A. It leaves me tired.
Jackson // 12:01 PM
4 Commentss

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Thursday, February 20, 2003:
News Of The Day

After more than two weeks of evaluating scores of theories about what led to the disintegration of the shuttle Columbia, investigators are concentrating again on their early idea that a piece of insulation or other flying debris from the shuttle's 15-story external fuel tank damaged a wing at liftoff, dooming the craft. In the investigation's first days, NASA said it was focusing on the insulation, which is applied as foam but dries rigid, and then all but ruled it out. Now, with a new panel independent of NASA leading the inquiry, the insulation is back in the spotlight, along with ice that might have formed on it and a protective silicone-based layer that lies beneath it. The ice and the silicone-based material are considered potentially more dangerous. At the Michoud Assembly Facility, the NASA plant in New Orleans where the tanks are made, investigators have begun testing another of the fuel tanks to see if any of its materials were likely culprits, a worker at the plant said yesterday.

Word Of The Day

gaucherie \goh-shuh-REE\, noun:
1. A socially awkward or tactless act.
2. Lack of tact; boorishness; awkwardness.

Man, his gaucherie caused the group to be uneasy.

Yesterday's News

Yo... How y'all doin' today? I'm doing fine. Yesterday I went up to my Wednesday night meeting and heard a sweet lead. The guy who lead kinda looked like a 60-year-old Jeff Lebowski (The Dude). He sure acted like that character too. He was really funny. He made his lead truly entertaining. I could not stop laughing. Anyway, before the meeting I went to pick up Ben at Starbucks. I always have the best time talking to him in the car. On the way home we were talking about relationships in A.A. Like friends and stuff. We hit on how you could ask anybody for advice on a problem. No matter how odd or sick or bad it is. Well, I shouldn't have said anybody. I should have said "a lot of people." Everybody isn't so cool. I know tons that are twisted assholes. Anyway, tonight I am gonna try to have a truly good time. I am going to accept everything as it is and be happy. Right now I feel free. Kinda like someone took a load of my back.

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-on-one
I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

Running on-running on empty
Running on-running blind
Running on-running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive
In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own
I don't know when that road turned into the road I'm on

Running on-running on empty
Running on-running blind
Running on-running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe
I don't know about anyone but me
If it takes all night, that'll be all right
If I can get you to smile before I leave

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Looking into their eyes I see them running too

Running on-running on empty
Running on-running blind
Running on-running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Honey you really tempt me
You know the way you look so kind
I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind
You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find
Running into the sun but I'm running behind

Jackson // 9:43 AM
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Wednesday, February 19, 2003:
Word Of The Day

upbraid \uhp-BRAYD\, transitive verb:
To scold or criticize harshly.

Tim upbraided Greg for his stupidity.

News Of The Day

A 17-year-old girl is in critical condition after mistakenly being given a heart and lung transplant from a donor with the wrong blood type at Duke University Hospital in Durham, N.C. The patient, Jésica Santill?n, has rejected the organs and is unconscious and on life support. Doctors say she is unlikely to survive more than a few days without another transplant. But she has little chance of getting one, because donors are scarce. In 2001, doctors performed only 27 heart-lung transplants in the United States.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a pretty damn good day. I did a my daily schoolwork and my usual things during the day. I went to my guitar lessons at Drew's. Instead of a half hour I got an hour 'cause his 3:30 cancelled. That cat is off the hook. Lol. Anyway, after the lesson my Dad and I went to Red Robin in North Olmstead to meet my Mom for dinner. I had a good time with them. I had to leave about a half hour after I got home. I went up to Starbucks to meet Ann's sister. We went to see Danny lead. I had a tear in my eye the whole damn time. That cat is so cool. After the meeting I went over to Eddie B's house to watch NYPD Blue. After the show I went home. I will have plenty to write about tomorrow. Outty...

Song Of The Day

Well she's walking through the clouds
With a circus smile that's running round
Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairy tales
That's all she ever thinks about
She's riding with the wind

When I'm sad she comes to me
With a thousand smiles she gives to me free
It's alright, she says, it's alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything, yeah

Well she's walking through the clouds
With a circus smile that's running round
Oh, butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairy tales
That's all she ever thinks about
She's riding with the wind, yeah
Jackson // 12:15 PM
2 Commentss

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Tuesday, February 18, 2003:
News Of The Day

The biggest blizzard in seven years buried the New York region and much of the Northeast in one to two feet of snow yesterday, disrupting air and highway travel and raising chest-high drifts on the wintry landscapes of 10 states. Driven by winds that gusted to 55 miles an hour, the storm, "a smudge 750 miles wide on satellite photos and a blinding whiteout on the ground," churned onto the Eastern Seaboard on Sunday and moved from Virginia and Washington up the coast yesterday, at times dropping one to two inches an hour on New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts. It closed airports, obliterated flight schedules, and stranded thousands of travelers.

Word Of The Day

compunction \kuhm-PUHNK-shuhn\, noun:
1. Anxiety or deep unease proceeding from a sense of guilt or consciousness of causing pain.
2. A sting of conscience or a twinge of uneasiness; a qualm; a scruple.

After he got tight, his compunction kicked in.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday... Oh yesterday. Yesterday, it was snowy as all hell. Jeeze, it was snowy. The day was kinda slow up until around 6 p.m. or so. I went to pick up Craig at his house in Avon. Gosh, I have a good time with that cat. We got up to Starbucks and talked to Eddie B. and Chuck for a bit. Chuck was asking me about guitar-playing and school. Chuck seems like an asshole, but he really cares about and respects the younger guys. He is always asking about school and guitar-playing because he wants me to make it somewhere big. He thinks that I have potential. I think I do, too. After talking about me, the subject turned to nursing somehow. We were talking about the demand for them. You know? So, anyway, there was a damn nurse sitting on the other side of the fireplace. She sure set our facts straight. It was funny. At the meeting, this guy who led was fruity as all hell. Man, he was fucked up way back when. This cat woke up on a slab at the county morgue. How crazy is that? His story went all over the place. At one moment, the man was a priest; at the next, he was married. It took me awhile to get that. After the meeting, Craig and I split. I took him home and then I got home myself. I went to bed at 10 p.m. and didn't get to sleep 'til at least 2 a.m. I had to micturate so bad 'cause of the diet I am on. That ended the exciting day in Jackal's Life.

Maggot Brain
Jackson // 11:35 AM
3 Commentss

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Monday, February 17, 2003:
Word Of The Day

sub rosa \suhb-ROH-zuh\, adverb:
Secretly; privately; confidential

He went to the store with his Mom and bought cigarettes sub rosa.

News Of The Day

Resolving a bitter dispute that pitted the United States against France and Germany over military plans on Iraq, NATO agreed tonight to an American request to supply Turkey with equipment to defend itself in the event of a war to overthrow Saddam Hussein. The settlement was reached at NATO headquarters in Brussels after several days of tough negotiations amid mounting concern that the alliance might rupture on the eve of a possible war. Some officials said they hoped that the NATO agreement could pave the way for resolving the much more contentious dispute over authorizing the use of force against Iraq at the United Nations Security Council. But for now, European and American officials were pleased that one of the nastier disputes in NATO's history had been patched up. "Alliance solidarity has prevailed," said George Robertson, the NATO secretary general.

Yesterday's News

Ohhhh. This weekend was a pretty darn good one. Friday night was pretty cool. Dan, Tedro, Alex, Greg Jr., Craig, and I all went up to Dave and Buster's to chill out after the meeting. It was fun. We played some pool and some video games. On Saturday I went out bowling with Dan, Nate, Mike, Brendan, Ben, and Lauren. That was pretty cool. It is nice to be able to hang out and have fun. You know? I couldn't have a lot of fun when I was using. It wasn't fun at all. Anyway, on Sunday I went over to Adam's and we Jammed to Maggot Brain. God, is that a fun song to jam to. I let loose and let the guitar lead me to new places. Places far away from reality. That is the greatest trip you can have. Well... In my opinion. With me music helps sooth me and bring me back to normal. It chills me out. You know? Kinda like a sedative. Except without the harmful drugs. It's very spiritual. Very. I really can't think of anything else to say. I will talk to you all later.

Jackson // 10:59 AM
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Friday, February 14, 2003:
Word Of The Day

osculation \os-kyuh-LAY-shuhn\, noun:
The act of kissing; also: a kiss.

The couple's osculation was annoying.

News Of The Day

Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat said Friday he would appoint a prime minister to help run day-to-day affairs, meeting a key reform the United States and the European Union have demanded for months. Arafat, speaking to reporters at his battered compound in Ramallah, did not say who the prime minister would be, when the appointment would begin or how much power the position would have.

Yesterday's News

So I turn on TLC last night. The fucking program is about a "possible" was in Iraq. Possible my ass. Definite is the right word. I hate watching the damn news people talk about fighting. I always wanted to live on the Scottish counrty-side. That is my ultimate dream. It will probably never happen but either way I will be happy. I'll most likely have a family of my own and a decent job. I don't really want much out of life. I just want love and a good time. You know? What more can you ask for. In A.A. they tell you not to look into the future. Take it "a day at a time." I don't really care much for that. It works in the beginning just thinking that you have only twenty-four hours to stay sober, but I am past that. Drugs and alcohol don't even bother me anymore. I don't want them anymore. I don't need them anymore. I don't struggle with the fact that I am going to be sober for the rest of my life. I have accepted it. A lot of that A.A. lingo is dumb. Live and Let Live. A Day At A Time. And On and on and on and on and on. I accept those too. That they are really stupid sounding terms. But... They do mean something to me. The have points that help you live the principles in all of your affairs. They help. I just think they sound funny. Peace yo...

Jackson // 11:11 AM
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Thursday, February 13, 2003:
News Of The Day

A panel of arms experts gathered by United Nations weapons inspectors has confirmed that a missile Iraq has developed exceeds range limits set by the Security Council. The panel's conclusion will add fuel to the United States' argument that Iraq is defying Security Council disarmament resolutions, and it is likely to deepen the discord here over whether to go to war against Iraq or allow inspections to continue, as several critical Council nations insist. In an atmosphere of tension, Germany, France and Russia surprised the United States today by laying plans for an open meeting of Council foreign ministers on Friday to hear the report of the chief weapons inspectors, Hans Blix and Dr. Mohamed ElBaradei.

Word Of The Day

ingenue \AN-zhuh-noo\, noun:
1. A naive girl or young woman.
2. An actress playing such a person; also: the stage role of an ingenue.

The ingenue stole some candy from the store.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was an overall good day. I worked on my school work and hung out with my Mom. At around 4:30pm Matt Roth came over for guitar lessons. He is getting just a little bit better. He needs to learn how to practice. You know? Anyway, after he left I went to a meeting. I drove Ben and Craig. We had a blast in the car. When we got to the meeting I proceeded to talk to the various cool people who were there. This younger woman led. She had a good story. She was diehard about her program. She is one of those women you can't stop looking at cause she has such an atractive personallity. After the meeting Ben and I went up to Applebee's. We talked about all kinds of stuff. Like relatives dying, war, and love. Cool shit. We also talked a lot about all the amazing stuff that goes on in A.A. The stuff really is amazing. Crazy...
Jackson // 1:36 PM
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Wednesday, February 12, 2003:
Word Of The Day

waylay \WAY-lay\, transitive verb:
1. To lie in wait for and attack from ambush.
2. To approach or stop (someone) unexpectedly.

The army troops were waylayed by the enemy over by those bushes.

News Of The Day

Unfortunately, the news of today is all about killing. I'm starting to notice more and more how the news airs negative subjects. People of today feed off of negative energy. The peace and love concept of the 60's is just a distant memory. A heavy fog of dead bodies and criminals pollutes our TV screen. Musicians such as Jimi Hendrix and others are losing popularity because their music doesn’t contain pictures of rape, death and violence. If you were to paint a picture of the world you could just spill red paint on a piece of paper. When I was in London, I saw a documentary called "Bowling For Columbine." The director wanted people to see that America feeds off of fear and violence. I see that.

Yesterday's News

The last couple of days all I have thought about was war. Thinking of what might happen if they start up the draft again. If that happens, I am going to take a little vacation to Canada. I will not support this senseless violence. I will not support Bush. He is a goddamn dunce. Well... You all know that. Anyway, I have been very happy lately. I have a blind date set up for Friday night. I am very pumped. Some of me is a little scared. I haven't gone out on a date in about two years. My track record isn't good with girls. Girls my age usually don't like overweight guys who are not assholes. No offense to any gals who are like that. I hope this girl isn't like that. If she is, then it wasn't meant to be. My spiritual life is improving a lot ltely, too. I am praying more often. I am focusing more on my own recovery. The one thing that trips me out is that in fifty years I will still be recovering. You know?

Song Of The Day

READ THIS

Hurrah i awake from yesterday
Alive but the war is here to stay
So my love catherina and me
Decide to take our last walk
Through the noise to the sea
Not to die but to be re-born
Away from a life so battered and torn....
Forever...
Oh say can you see its really such a mess
Every inch of earth is a fighting nest
Giant pencil and lip-stick tube shaped things
Continue to rain and cause screaming pain
And the arctic stains
From silver blue to bloody red
As our feet find the sand
And the sea is strait ahead..
Strait ahead.....
Well its too bad
That our friends
Cant be with us today
Well thats too bad
"The machine
That we built
Would never save us"
That's what they say
(That's why they aint coming with us today)
And they also said
"It's impossible for man
To live and breath underwater..
Forever" was their main complaint

And they also threw this in my face:
They said
Anyway
You know good well
It would be beyond the will of God
And the grade of the King

So my darling and I
Make love in the sand
To salute the last moment
Ever on dry land
Our machine has done its work
Played its part well
Without a scratch on our bodies
And we bid it farewell

Starfish and giant foams
Greet us with a smile
Before our heads go under
We take a last look
At the killing noise
Of the out of style...
The out of style, out of style
Jackson // 3:11 PM
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Monday, February 10, 2003:
Word Of The Day

placate \PLAY-kayt; PLAK-ayt\, transitive verb:
To appease; to pacify, especially by making concessions.

The criminal had to placate the parole board to shorten his term.

News Of The Day

Studies conducted by NASA over the last four years concluded that damage to the brittle, heat-shedding material on the leading edge of the space shuttle Columbia's wings posed one of the highest risks of a catastrophic accident. The studies focused largely on the tremendous damage that could be caused in the unlikely event that a tiny meteoroid or other bit of orbital debris hit the leading edge of a wing, which is made of a lightweight material called reinforced carbon-carbon. That is still one of the theories about what might have happened to the Columbia eight days ago.

Yesterday's News

Last Wednesday I was driving to a meeting out in Brookpark. On a Ruple parkway the speed limit is posted as thirty-five. The speed limit should be about ten. I was driving the speed limit down that road. The visibility of what was on the road wasn't the best. I ran over a pothole the width of the road and about six inches long. The pothole was about three or so inches deep as I observed on my way back. The road was fine for about another mile until I came to a fork in the road. There was a gentle slope and then back down again. On the other side of the slope lay a metal plate covering a massive hole that came about two inches off the ground. I ran over that and it made a horrific boom. Ever since then my steering wheel has been moving back and forth while I would drive. My dad thought it was the alignment. We took it into an auto repair center. What I doom happened. The car is fucked. Fucked very badly. I fear what will happen when my Mother finds out. I think I should go hide somewhere. The repairs are... I can't even say. I don't want to drive anymore. I hate it. Whenever I get into a car something happens. My death is awaiting me at 4:30pm.
Jackson // 2:33 PM
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Friday, February 07, 2003:
Word Of The Day

winsome \WIN-suhm\, adjective:
1. Cheerful; merry; gay; light-hearted.
2. Causing joy or pleasure; agreeable; pleasant.

His winsome mood lit up the occasion.

News Of The Day

Doctors reported yesterday that they had for the first time found a way to reduce the rate of premature births in women at risk of having their babies too early. The treatment, weekly injections of a form of the hormone progesterone, lowered the rate of premature births by more than a third. The hormone is readily available.

Yesterdays News

Hello... Screw yesterday. It seems about two minutes before I sit down to write this something really stupid happens. I get pissed off somehow. It stinks. Anyway, lately things have been better than ever. I am starting to not really give two shits about girls and jobs and things like that. I am caring a little more about school now. If you talked to my Mom she would not think so. I have been lagging behind on my books. I didn't start reading the "Catcher In The Rye" 'till about a week ago. My Mom wants it to be read before I do anything. I think that is a little unfair... but it is justified. I'd like to say I read very well... but that's not all true. I can't read that hot. It takes me about one to two minutes per page. I am slow. You know what. There isn't anything justifying me not getting this book done. Last night I really had a good night. I got home at around 10:30 pm and read a bit. Life is sweet now. I wouldn't trade sobriety for anything.

Jackson // 2:11 PM
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Thursday, February 06, 2003:
News Of The Day

Secretary of State Colin L. Powell said today that the United States will continue to talk with North Korea through many channels and to send the message that diplomacy is the best way to ease tensions on the Korean Peninsula. But Mr. Powell said again that, while it has no intention of attacking North Korea, the United States will deal with that country from a posture of strength and resolve — a point the White House also made today. "No options have been taken off the table, the option of sanctions, the option of additional political moves," Mr. Powell told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. "No military option's been taken off the table, although we have no intention of attacking North Korea as a nation; the president said that; invading North Korea. But the president has retained all of his options."

Word Of The Day

rictus \RIK-tuhs\, noun:
1. The gape of the mouth, as of birds.
2. A gaping grin or grimace.

The man was examining the bird's rictus.

Yesterday's News

Ahhh... (relaxing tone)... Anyway, my day was all in all good. I had a swell jam session with Adam. Old Adam and I play some sweet songs. Foxey Lady, Purple Haze, Wild Thing, Whole Lotta Love, And The Ocean. We played some others but I can't remember. Anyway, I started my day of reading a bit out of "Catcher In The Rye". That book is damn sweet. I love it. Holden is a little suave smart-ass. You know? So later on I talked to Danny aboutn stuff and then jammed. Jamming is a very liberating act for my. It vents my feelings and... well damn... It is just beautiful! So after this jam session I went to a meeting. Hear this... This meeting I have never been to. I came in with an open mind. I left never wanting to come back. The people there were vulgar assholes. No... nowhere near as vulgar as I am. Hell no. People would be screaming across the room. It was odd. Really screaming. After the meeting I went home. I went home and read some. I went to bed after. That's all man.

Song Of The Day

Comment: This song is best by Hendrix

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say,
"Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest schools allight, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns
on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people
get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you'd better lift your diamond ring,
you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
That Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Jackson // 3:49 PM
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Wednesday, February 05, 2003:
Word Of The Day

imbroglio \im-BROHL-yoh\, noun:
1. A complicated and embarrassing state of things.
2. A confused or complicated disagreement or misunderstanding.
3. An intricate, complicated plot, as of a drama or work of fiction.
4. A confused mass; a tangle.

The imbroglio in the house was over the top.

News Of The Day

President Bush's budget proposes new eligibility requirements that would make it more difficult for low-income families to obtain a "range" of government benefits, from tax credits to school lunches. Arguing that much of the federal money intended for poor people is diverted through error and fraud, the administration wants to require families to supply more proof of their income and living arrangements before they can qualify for aid. Critics, including some local officials, said today that the extra steps would deter eligible poor people from applying for needed assistance. The Bush budget would also replace one of the largest federal housing programs with a block grant to states, which could redirect some of the money away from working poor people in cities. Mr. Bush said he wanted to shift money and responsibility for this and other social welfare programs, including Medicaid, to the states.

Yesterday's News

Hello... Yesterday was a decent day. Well no... A great day. The problem with the Toyota Paseo was eliminated. My Dad and I stopped up at Bel Air Motors. A used car lot a guy in the program owns. Back to the subject. We traded the paseo in and got a really good price on a 91 Chevy Cavalier. It's an automatic and it has four doors. It's nice having a clean cumfy car. After that my day was kinda busy. I took my dad to court and then I ran home and got my guitar and went to guitar lessons. The guitar lesson was awsome. After the lesson I went home and read a bit. My family and I watched "Dr. Phil". Every weekday "Dr. Phil" is a staple on our downstairs TV screen. We watch it 'cause Phil is a genius. At around seven at night I left to go to Tuesday Basement Big Book. The portion of the Bik Book we read was about loved ones of the alcoholic and how they feel. It is an excellent chapter. It helps me understand how my parents, brothers, and friends felt throughout my usage. After the meeting I went over to Ed's to watch "NYPD Blue." My night ends there. Yeaaaaaaa! Outty.

Song Of The Day

Prison Bound
Well, I'm goin' to a place where the tough guys go
and come out even tougher.
A place where a man don't show his feelings,
A place where a man don't cry.
Well they say I'm being punished
And they say I can be reformed
But some day I'll return.
Did they really think that
this time it would work.
You knew all along it wouldn't
chorus:
Oh, I'm prison bound
I did a crime one too many times.
It's on the outskirts of town, by the railroad tracks
Where the country moon shines.
Oh, I'm prison bound
Tell my girl I'll be back one day.
Oh, I'm prison bound
I may never know any other way.
Well, they take away my freedom of expression or action
Johnny says I'll walk the line
With three hots and a cot
and a lot of talk
With lock-up, concrete, and steel.
Well it's cold and it's clammy
Man, it's colder than a pimp's heart
But I've gotta do my time
There's a lesson to be learned here
but what a price to pay.
You know, I may never learn-
chorus:
Oh, I'm prison bound
I did a crime one too many times.
It's on the outskirts of town, by the railroad tracks
Where the country moon shines.
Oh, I'm prison bound
Tell my girl I'll be back one day.
Oh, I'm prison bound
I may never know any other way.

Jackson // 11:38 AM
Comment

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Tuesday, February 04, 2003:
Word Of The Day

neophyte \NEE-uh-fyt\, noun:
1. A new convert or proselyte.
2. A novice; a beginner in anything.

The neophyte started on left wing his first game.

News Of The Day

Today, NASA investigators said that a piece of insulation that broke off the shuttle's external fuel tank after liftoff is the main point of investigation. NASA engineers state that the debris hitting the shuttle at liftoff did not affect the shuttle. It had no consequences. Ron Dittemore, the shuttle program manager, said that the engineers might have been wrong, and NASA is redoing the analysis. "We want to know if we made any erroneous assumptions," Mr. Dittemore said. "We want to know if we weren't conservative enough. We want to know if we made any mistakes."

Yesterday's News

Lately I have been in a slump. I just feel pretty tired. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am also tired of a lot of the A.A. "cool guys." They are like the bullies in your high-school. You know what I am saying? The twelfth step is one which requires you to work the A.A. principles in all of your affairs. Not a lot of the younger people around me do that. It is very annoying. Some have gotten better, but some have gotten worse. Anyway... I have been thinking a lot about my future. What does it hold for me? You know? I really want to play music for a living. It is not very tangible. I would like to maybe cook or something like that. That is much more attainable. You know? I just had a great idea. Maybe I will go over to Adam's house to jam tonight. Oh, God, that is fun. A great release. So... back to my future. I just want to be happy. I want to be able to pay my bills and have a family. I would love to coach my kid's hockey team, play catch with him in the front yard, bring him over Nana and Papa's house for dinner. Papa will tell all of his stories about college baseball. He'll talk about old Scrotie and his good friend Don. Then Uncle Chris and I will take them out bowling on Fridays. On Saturdays, I will take them up to Applebee's to meet Danny. Over Christmas, Uncle Matt and Aunt Mel will come back to Ohio for a week or so. Matt and I will take our boys to the ice rink and then to a movie. Mel will take the girls out shopping and then meet us at the movie. Life can be beautiful if I just keep on track. See you later!!
Jackson // 10:15 AM
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Monday, February 03, 2003:
Word Of The Day

propound \pruh-POWND\, transitive verb:
To offer for consideration; to put forward; to propose.

I will propound your suggestion.

News Of The Day

About six minutes before the space shuttle Columbia exploded, temperatures on the left fuselage rose 60 degrees. Officials at NASA say that this is most likely one clue in the string of events leading up to the tragic explosion. In a news conference yesterday, Ron Dittemore, NASA's shuttle program manager, said there were many indications of an unusual increase in temperatures on the shuttle's exterior near the left wheel well. He aslo said about two minutes before Columbia ripped apart there was an increase in drag on the left side. That suggests a missing tile on the shuttle.

Yesterday's News

Well... This isn't yesterday's news. It is the weekend's news!! This weekend brought a lot of joy into my life. On Friday night, I went up to Bay Lanes with Chris, Val, Lauren, and Mike. Not asshole Mike. I bowled really shitty. It didn't matter much though. I had a good time. On Saturday, I went up to the mall with Chris. We just chilled out. We went up to Friday's and got some lunch. After that we went back to my place and played some Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Yes... Yes... I am a teenager. I do things like that. It is a good release. Shooting at things and stealing cars. Thank God I don't do that in real life. Anyway... Saturday night's meeting was a drag. The lead was just a little bit long. After the meeting I went up to Friendly's with Ben. We talked about sobriety and stuff like that. We talked about music. After he ate his sundae... and I drank my diet coke... We got on our way. I went home and got to bed. My sleep was very enjoyable. Don't you hate that when you have a cool dream and you can't remember it in the morning. That really sucks. Sunday was the capper of the weekend. I hung around home during the day and then went over to my dude Adam's house. We jammed for about an hour. We played Hendrix, Sublime, and Zeppelin stuff. Oh yea... We played a weezer song too. After the jam session, we went up to our sunday meeting. That meeting is such a ball. The lead lasted about twenty minutes. In was short but sweet. Very good. The home group members are very real and loving there. It is probably my favorite place to be for a meeting. It has this wicked-ass vibe. That's my week for ya.

Song Of The Day

A bit of you the only drug I must abuse
A bit of you is the only substance I cannot refuse
When I walk on Spring
Beneath the stench a bit of you is all I smell
Upon the shelves a bit of you I ask "they sell?"
When I walk on Spring

Cause there ain't no style
No there ain't no style
Cause there ain't no style
And in fact there is just one other problem
You live up in Harlem

Of course I had no knowledge of this at the time
That came July on the Upper West Side
Waiting for the fall
When from the Battery on up to your front door
From mother ship the rocket launching twister whores
Would blow up it all

Cause there ain't no style...
And in fact there is just one other problem
I would have spared Harlem

Affections sent, straight to Chekov, say you need me
Don't you need me, wait I thought we're on Broadway
No, my daddy said so: "still outside of Moscow"

And so the days creep up to my big final show
And not a word from you, an hour I must blow
So I walk and see
Upon the streets a faded island, press on eyes
A big old pool of you's, zillions I realize
And just one of me

Cause there ain't no style...
You've infected Harlem
Guess I won't be waiting several hours
Before nightfall for that A train,
just the hiss of the dumes band play.

Jackson // 11:17 AM

january, 2003

Friday, January 31, 2003:
Word Of The Day

impecunious \im-pih-KYOO-nee-uhs\, adjective:
Not having money; habitually without money; poor.

The band sold a lot of records, but now they are impecunious bums.

News Of The Day

Every day tens of thousands pieces of mail come into the I.N.S. data processing center in Laguna Niguel, California. A manager at the facility had a unique way of getting rid of the gigantic backlog. She would take the mail and simply shred it. By the way, this is a federal offense. This week the manager got busted. She messed up big time. She was charged with illegally shredding as many as 90,000 documents. She and the others involved were indicted on Wednesday by a federal grand jury.

Yesterday's News

You know what I don't understand? I don't understand why some bald men can't accept the fact. They use comb-overs, wigs, little spray cans (hair club for men), and toupees to fix their hair problems. I know plenty of bald dudes that can handle it. They don't hide under anything artificial. They either take pride in their lack of hair or shave it. You know what? Comb-overs and toupees look dumb as hell. Anyway... Yesterday was sweet. I woke up and worked on my schoolwork and then left to go to lunch with my Mom and my Aunt Joy. On the way there, my Aunt couldn't stop smoking and cracking jokes. It was a laughable matter. I kept forgetting when to tell her to turn. We ended up taking this obscure way to Lonestar. My Aunt is on a diet so she has to drink grape-fruit juice. When the waitress leaves, she whips out this big-ass bottle of generic grapefruit juice. It was funny as hell. When the waitress comes back my Aunt's all explaining why she's got the juice. Anyway... We left Lonestar and went home. When I got home I started to watch car racing. It was European touring cars. Weak cars that only go 140. Well... that's pretty damn fast. Moving on... I went to a meeting. The lead was boring as hell... but it was good. After the meeting I went over to Nate's house to watch ER.

This song is about being a day late and a dollar short...

Story Of My Life

High school seemed like such a blur,
I didn't have much interest in sports or
School elections.
And in class I dreamed all day,
About a rock 'n' roll weekend.
And the girl in the front of the room, so close yet so far y'know she never seemed
To notice
That this silly school-boy crush
Wasn't just pretend.
chorus:
Life goes by so fast, you only want to do what you think is right.
Close your eyes and then it's past;
(It's the) Story of my life.
And I went down to my old neighborhood,
The faces have all changed, there's no one left to talk to.
And the pool hall I loved as a kid
Is now a Seven Eleven.
I went downtown to look for a job,
I had no training, no experience to speak of.
I looked at the holes in my jeans
And turned and headed back.
chorus:
Life goes by so fast, you only want to do what you think is right.
Close your eyes and then it's past;
(It's the) Story of my life.
Good times come and good times go,
I only wish the good times would last a
Little longer.
I think about the good times we had
And why they had to end.
So I sit at the edge of my bed,
I strum my guitar and I sing an outlaw
love song.
Wonderin' bout what you're doin' now
And when you're comin' back.
Jackson // 9:44 AM
Comment

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Thursday, January 30, 2003:
Word Of The Day

cavil \KAV-uhl\, intransitive verb:
To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault
without good reason.
transitive verb:
To raise trivial objections to.
noun:
A trivial or frivolous objection.

The questioning of the witness was interupted by the lawyers cavil.

News Of The Day

One of the coldest cases in L.A. County has just been solved. On July 22, 1957 two young police officers were murders during a routine traffic stop. The last clues at the time was a pistol that was found in 1960. There were fingerprints removed from the gun in 1960. Early last year a caller tipped the L.A. police about who the killer was. The lead was false. This false lead caused the police to re-open the case. They ran the finger prints through a nation-wide database. They found a match. The prints led to Columbia, S.C., where early this morning the police arrested Gerald F. Mason, a 68-year-old retired gas station owner living in a comfortable suburban tract northwest of town. He is being held without bond pending an extradition hearing. The police have found no record of any crimes committed by Mr. Mason since 1957; there was only one burglary charge in South Carolina from 1956. It was the fingerprints from that arrest that appear to match prints taken from the stolen car the presumed killer was driving the night the two El Segundo officers were shot.

Yesterday's News

I woke up in the morning to my mother walking into my room. It was odd. Something was different. Oh yea... the sun had not come up completely. It was about 8 am. I was in a heavy fog. I was reluctant to get up because usually I don't get up untill 10 or 11. I decided to suck it up and put some good work in for the day. I proceeded to do that. I got a few chapters read in "Catcher In The Rye". I am starting to enjoy it quite a bit. After nodding off for a few I decided to walk around a little. I had a smoke and then went to work on my blog. Blogging is always a fun thing to do. I get to release my feelings to other people. Well my family at least. I don't think any other people check this out. Who cares anyways. Ok... Later on my mother came home with my Aunt Joy. She is a trip. I left for a meeting soon after. I went out to Rocky River for this one. The lead was a very good lead. It was a woman in her early thirties. She talked about how torn up she got. It was only twenty minutes but it seemed like enough to fit an hour. After the meeting I went home and slept. A new fuckin beautiful day started...
Jackson // 2:35 PM
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Wednesday, January 29, 2003:
News Of The Day

About 350 American, European and Afghan forces held a standoff with a large group of rebel fighters in southeastern Afghanistan. This has been the heaviest fighting in nine months. About 80 rebels gathered to fight hid in caves near the border of Pakistan. They shot on U.S. helicopters that were trying to find the rebels.

Word Of The Day

sublunary \suhb-LOO-nuh-ree\, adjective:
Situated beneath the moon; hence, of or pertaining to this
world; terrestrial; earthly.

The citizens thought they had found aliens, but they were actually sublunary beings.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday was a very good day. Life seemed to get a little more interesting. In my words it was a life-changer. It started off as normal. I woke up and worked on my school work. Later on in the day I had a guitar lesson with Drew. We worked some more on modes. You know... Santana shit. After the lesson I headed to pick up my Mother. I got home soon after and relaxed. It's not that exciting yet. At seven that night I met Danny and Derek up at Starbucks. We went up to a meeting over on the East side. The meeting was filled with people from past 12 step weekends. A lot of people I hold very dear to my heart. People like Ken and Louise. Lindsay and Rachel W. Regis... Howard. A lot of wonderful people. After the meeting is when the cool stuff happened. Derek started asking me about my schooling and what I want my future to be like. To be completely honest I haven't been working as much as I should on my schoolwork as I should. He started telling me I need some routine and that I need to do more work. He got into it big time. I got a lot of things that I am applying today. I have been working a lot harder today. Well... I am gonna get going.
Jackson // 2:25 PM
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Tuesday, January 28, 2003:
Zeppelin News

In 2002, Led Zeppelin (Page, Plant, and Jones) allowed Cadillac to use their song "Rock and Roll" for the new ad campaign. Cadillac's sales are said to have risen 16% since they began using the Zep music. Check it out.

News Of The Day

After the Oakland Raiders Super Bowl loss on Sunday, a riot began. It is said that around 90 people were arrested, most of them for public intoxication. In East Oakland, aproximately 1000 drunken buffoons looted three stores, burned cars (hopefully not any Camaros), and hurled crap at the police. It is very sad that people resort to violence when their football team loses.

Word Of The Day

pule \PYOOL\, intransitive verb:
To whimper; to whine

The drunken fans began to pule as the Raiders lost.

Yesterday's News

Damn... I read the entry this morning from Slowly Going Over The Edge. That man (my father) is a freak about Steven Seagal movies. In my house, Seagal is held up as an action movie god. Better than Schwarzeneggar... Better than Willis... But not better than Lebowski. So... Last night i was watching this show on the speed channel. It was about all the new concept cars. Get this... they had a motorcycle, made by Dodge, that went from 0-60 in less than three seconds and had a potential to go over 400 mph. Can you imagine riding on that thing?? I would be afraid to go over 20 mph on a motorcyle. Anyway... My day was pretty odd yesterday. I woke up at around ten in the morning as usual. I read pretty much the whole day. At around 2:30 pm, this kid Jason and his girlfriend stopped over. Let me give you a little description of Jason. He's 18. He has an 89 Acura Legend with a bad trans. He believes it to be a race car. He believes there is no God or power that is the master planner. He thinks humans are just atoms colliding and going here and there. Enough said... So... He walks up to me while I am smoking a Kool Mild cigarette. He says in his slightly fruity voice, "what's up man." I say, "nothing." Next thing I know he is blabbing about how he is going to pop a 5-speed manual transmission in his P.O.S. car. I said to him, "dude... your car is a slow P.O.S." He stopped after that. He left after only about ten minutes. About an hour later, this girl i've been hanging out with lately stops over. I look out the window and I saw her Malibu. I think to myself, "what the hell is going on today." She walks up to the door... I invite her in. We talked for about an hour. Then... oh... um... she left. Soon after my parents arrive at the house. It is time for the dreaded Classical Guitar Ensemble. God Dammit! is running through my head. I fear going there. It is a curse. I hate classical music! Well.. I don't hate it. I just don't like it. Anyway... I go there and then I leave. I don't feel like getting into it. After the ensemble class, I go to an A.A. meeting. One of my female friends led the meeting. It was her first lead. She did a very good job with it, too. Well... you can read about A.A. meetings in previous entries. After this meeting, I walk outside to get my guitar and music books out of Nate's Bonneville... And his car is gone! Wtf Wtf Wtf... followed by many more. Wtf Wtf Wtf... frantic moments of unchained panic. HOLY SHIT!! My guitar is in there! Wait... Maybe it was towed. LOL... hahahahahahaha. That's the case. The towing place was a 30-second walk down the road. Nate got his car back. I'm getting my ax back within the next couple days. Everything is fine. At that point, my night came to an end. And with that I will bid you farewell until tomorrow.
Jackson // 11:31 AM
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Monday, January 27, 2003:
News Of The Day

Mobs throwing stones attacked the French Embassy and army base in Ivory Coast today as thousands marched in an explosion of anger over a peace “accord” they said France had imposed to the advantage of rebels. The large protests went along with the problems facing the power-sharing deal agreed to in Paris on Saturday by President Laurent Gbagbo to end the four-month war that has split Ivory Coast, the world's top cocoa producer, along ethnic lines.

Word Of The Day

capacious \kuh-PAY-shuhs\, adjective:
Able to contain much; roomy; spacious.

The airplane’s capacious cargo bay was able to hold all the luggage.

Blog

The day before today I woke up and the world had turned white. The snow was pounding down heavily. I could barely see the ground from my upstairs room. I was able to stay home and chill out in the morning while my parents went to get my Dad a hat. I spent the morning sitting on the couch enjoying parts of movies. Later on, I went over Todd’s house to watch the Super Bowl. I was never that interested in football. I actually found the game quite entertaining. I really wanted the Raiders to win. They started off being the first to score, but then the damn Bucs started to score. After that, the game got boring until the fourth quarter. The Raiders picked up their game just a little bit; and they started to score. That didn’t last long though. The Bucs ended up whomping them. After Todd’s I went home. The snow on the way was horrible. It took me about ten minutes longer to get home.
Jackson // 2:04 PM
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Sunday, January 26, 2003:
Replace fear with faith...
Jackson // 12:37 AM
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Friday, January 24, 2003:
Word Of The Day

scuttlebutt \SKUHT-l-buht\, noun:
1. (Nautical)
a. A drinking fountain on a ship.
b. A cask on a ship that contains the day's supply of
drinking water.
2. Gossip; rumor.

I heard some scuttlebutt in the hallway.

News Of The Day

A white supremacist charged with soliciting the murder of a federal judge was secretly taped saying "good" after a follower said it would be possible to "exterminate the rat," prosecutors said today. The defendant, Matt Hale, 31, was taped in a conversation with the chief of security for the white supremacist group led by Mr. Hale, prosecutors told a federal magistrate judge, Andrew Rodovich, at a bond hearing in Hammond, Ind.

Blog

Hey… yo… give me my s.h.o. Yep… Yesterday. I woke up in the morning at around noon. I went to lunch still in a sleepy fog that lingers for hours after waking. The day was pretty boring for the most part. I just relaxed at home until my parents and I went to T.G.I.F. for some dinner. After the dinner I went up to Starbucks to meet Dan, Lindsay, and Nate. We went up to my Grandsponsor’s home group. The lead didn’t show up so Nate was asked to lead. He did a great last minute one, too. The Nate guy I always mention -- He grew up in a yuppie household. He went to private schools all his life. He was given all the tools he needed by his parents to make the right decisions. He chose the wrong path. It took him to the point where he was alone, and desperate to find a solution. It took him to despair and pain. Fear. Self pity. The worst feelings I have ever felt. Worse than deaths of loved ones. It feels as if you are in hell looking out through a locked cage at the rest of society. It makes my stomach churn even thinking of how bad it had gotten. Sometimes I look up at a friend of mine leading and I start to think. I think, “is this real… am I really here.” The answer is yes. I am alive. I am sober. I am feeling love, happiness and joy. Shit that wasn’t even a distant memory a year ago. The only way to drown the horrible feelings was to do another line. Take another hit. Pop another pill. I took away the feelings with the very thing that was causing them. Stupid… huh?

I had a dream. Crazy dream.
Anything I wanted to know, any place I needed to go
Jackson // 11:00 AM
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Thursday, January 23, 2003:
Word Of The Day

lackadaisical \lack-uh-DAY-zih-kuhl\, adjective:
Lacking spirit or liveliness; showing lack of interest;
languid; listless.

Jimmy Page’s lackadaisical style of guitar playing is what made him unique.

News Of The Day

Bush plans to allow religious groups to use federal housing money to build houses of worship. This is probably one of the only things Bush will do right during his Presidential stay. He is a dunce in most cases. The catch is that the building must be used for social services. This move (supposedly) expands the Bush administration's positive religious efforts. The White House says they want to end discrimination against religious groups.

Blog (man is in the house)

Hmmmmmmmm… Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday. Yesterday was sweet. I hung out at home. I just chilled out and had a relaxing day. Matt Roth came at 4:30 pm. He wasn’t so bad this time. He actually practiced on his guitar. It was nice. After Matt left, I went up to Brendan O’Neill’s with Lauren. I had a sweet-ass time. We talked about A.A. and a lot of other cool things. After I took her home, I went to a meeting. The lead was really good. The guy who led was a teacher at Saint Ignatius (boooooo). He said some things that really helped me out. He said things that reminded me of papa. It was cool. After the meeting Dan, Ben (little shit), Nate, Mike (also referred to as little shit), Craig, this other dude, and I went up to Friendlys. We all gave of our top three guitarists, drummers, and front men. It was a blast. I am exiting now.

Jackson // 3:19 PM
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Wednesday, January 22, 2003:
News Of The Day

A state grand jury in Virginia indicted 17-year-old Lee Malvo yesterday for the recent spree of sniper shootings across the Eastern United States. The reason for charging him for the murders in Virginia is so he will most likely get the death penalty. The jury came to the conclusion to indict him only hours after being impaneled. The murder he is being charged for is the killing of Linda Franklin, a 47-year-old F.B.I. Analyst.

Word Of The Day

risible \RIZ-uh-buhl\, adjective:
1. Capable of laughing; disposed to laugh.
2. Exciting or provoking laughter; worthy of laughter;
laughable; amusing.
3. Relating to, connected with, or used in laughter; as,
"risible muscles."

John Turturo’s risible role in “The Big Lebowski” was amazing.

Me Bloggy

Hey… Yesterday was a pretty good day. I went to my shrinks office at 1 pm. We had some good talks about my sobriety. We talked about the kids I am sponsoring. We got into some talk about girls even. After I left his office Derek Tedro, my grand sponsor, called me up to chat. It is nice when a seventeen-year-old young man can have intelligent conversations with a thirty-eight-year-old. Soon after I was at my guitar teachers place. Right now, we are working on getting me to able to solo outside of a minor pentatonic scale. It is some really interesting stuff. He is also showing me how I can find out which scales to use during chord progressions. Modes… if you play guitar you know what I am talking about… Santana shit. Anyways… I picked up my Mom, went home, and went to an A.A. meeting. The A.A. meeting was about the 12th step. All about helping others and passing the word on. Hey! I have a little experience in that field. Yea… It was a good discussion. Eddie A. had some really good things that he threw on the table. All about people going back out and coming back in. He said just worry about yourself. That’s the thing I try to do. Just let go of other people’s problems. Just worry about yourself.

When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
Jackson // 1:03 PM
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Tuesday, January 21, 2003:
Word Of The Day

itinerant \eye-TIN-uhr-uhnt\, adjective:
Passing or traveling from place to place; wandering.
noun:
One who travels from place to place.

He was an itinerant, and exiled from his country.

News Of The Day

Ed Rosenthal, the author of a dozen cannabis self-help books and a magazine advice column, is going to trial for growing marijuana. On Tuesday, Mr. Rosenthal goes on trial in federal court in San Francisco on charges of marijuana cultivation and conspiracy. The charges stem from a business he ran growing marijuana to be sold for medicinal uses under the auspices (odd word yo) of the City of Oakland's medical marijuana ordinance. If convicted on all counts, Mr. Rosenthal, who is 58, faces a minimum sentence of 10 years in prison; the conspiracy charge carries a possible life sentence.

My Blog

What a dumbass. Growing pot. Stupid. Well that’s what I think about those little frail and burnt-out potheads. I think they are all useless. Thank God I never got into pot. Well… Anyways… Yesterday was a two-star day. My dad and I went up to Bel-Air Motors to look for a replacement for the Toyota. There was nothing there that was real cheap and reliable. The final outcome on the car dilemma is that we will drive it until it dies. Sounds like a plan. Then my rents will have some time to think about what they want to do. So… I went to the meeting last night. Corrine, Ann from Starbucks’ sister, showed up at the meeting. It was odd cause I have only seen her like three times at meetings. It’s ahh fuck it. I don’t know where I was going with the Ann’s sister thing. Anyways the lead was good. It was this older lady that I heard in my very early sobriety. She had a lot of wonderful things to say. I was surprised. After the meeting I went home and slept happily ever after.

Jackson // 11:14 AM
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Monday, January 20, 2003:
Word Of The Day

glower \GLAU-urh\, intransitive verb:
To look or stare angrily or with a scowl.
noun:
An angry or scowling look or stare.

The glower in his eyes was obvious.

Today’s News

The U.N. human rights watchdog elected a Libyan diplomat Monday as its president for this year, despite concern from the United States about the country's poor record on civil liberties and its alleged role in sponsoring terrorism. The United States had forced the unprecedented vote in the 53-nation Human Rights Commission after Libya was nominated by African countries, who hold the rotating chair this year. The president had been chosen by consensus in previous years.

Blog

Yesterday was a pretty cool day. I went over to Ed Barret’s house to watch the football. Stacey (Ed’s girlfriend) made some good spaghetti with meat sauce. I was hoping the Eagles would win, but the damn Buc’s won. I left Ed’s house and went to the Saharid club. It was a peaceful drive. My car ran alright considering the circumstances. When I got there I talked to Todd and Craig about how they have to call me and not be lazy. Both of them said that they understood, but I haven’t heard from either of them today. I’m glad I am not that lazy. I had a great time setting up the meeting. We were playing guitar and singing. It was a blast. Artie, the kid that likes to kill people with pitchforks, showed up at the end and was being all nice to me. It was kind of funny. On my way home the snow was horrible. It took me an extra 20 minutes to a half hour. The positive part about that is that I got home. I will ttyl.
Jackson // 1:46 PM
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Friday, January 17, 2003:
Word Of The Day

fop \FOP\, noun:
A man who is overly concerned with or vain about his dress and
appearance; a dandy.

The fop walked into the party. Everybody thought his outfit was a flop.

News Of The Day

None so far…

Blog

Yesterday was a fun day. I went up to Rockport for a meeting. I talk to a lot of good people over there. The was really good. This lady was a professional runner. The only used for about six months. Weird, isn’t it. Well… anyways. My cars engine is fucked up. It makes a clicking noise. My ex-sponsor says that something in the lower half of the engine is busted. I want to get a job so I can buy a cheap car. Cheap as in $500 to $1000. I have no luck with cars. It’s because I drive like an asshole. My parents have been trying to tell me for the longest time. I have never believed them. Now I do. I will never doubt their advice and criticism again. I am a dumbass. I’ve got another thing comin’. Ohhhhhhhhhh… Tonight Danny has a concert. I am going to bring a camera and tape it. I am really pumped. I have publicly apologize to my parents. Mom and Dad. I am really, really, really,…,…,…,… sorry for not listening to me.
Jackson // 11:44 AM
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Thursday, January 16, 2003:
Word Of The Day

abstemious \ab-STEE-mee-uhs\, adjective:
1. Sparing in eating and drinking; temperate; abstinent.
2. Sparingly used or consumed; used with temperance or
moderation.
3. Marked by or spent in abstinence.

His abstemious eating really scares me.

Today’s News

The Bush administration resisted calls by other nations today that it secure the explicit blessing of the United Nations Security Council before going to war with Iraq. The White House further suggested that it could decide in favor of military action even if weapons inspectors do not turn up concrete new evidence against Saddam Hussein. A day after President Bush warned that "time is running out" on Mr. Hussein, a senior administration official said the timetable for a decision about war would be "driven by events." Those include a report to be submitted by the United Nations weapons inspectors on Jan. 27 and evidence that Mr. Hussein is truly complying with the United Nations demand that he give up any weapons of mass destruction.

Blog…

Man I am tired. Yesterday was a cool day. Matt Roth came over for guitar lessons and actually practiced over Christmas break. After the guitar lessons I went up to Starbucks with Lauren. We sat up there for about an hour and I took her home. After I got home myself, I had to leave right away to pick up Ben from the same Starbucks I had just been at. We went up to the meeting and then heard a great lead. After the meeting Dan, Ben, Mike, Nate, and I went up to Denny’s. I had a good time there. I busted some good jokes about Little Mike. The drive home was very peaceful. All the snow and white roads helped me kinda relax. I got home safely without out sliding off the road or though red lights. PEACE YO

Jackson // 12:19 PM
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Wednesday, January 15, 2003:
Word Of The Day\

restive \RES-tiv\, adjective:
1. Impatient under restriction, delay, coercion, or
opposition; resisting control.
2. Unwilling to go on; obstinate in refusing to move forward;
stubborn.

The boy was restive during that last quarter of the school year.

Today’s News

Prosecutors seeking to have Lee Malvo tried as an adult on capital murder charges told a juvenile-court judge today that fingerprints, as well as notes and phone calls to investigators all linked him to the sniper shootings in the Washington area that left 10 dead. During the first day of a hearing that will determine whether Mr. Malvo, 17, faces charges that could bring a death sentence, he heard of the pain caused by the killing with which he is charged. With his chin resting on his left hand, Mr. Malvo stared as William Franklin told of his wife, Linda Franklin, an F.B.I. analyst, being fatally shot the night of Oct. 14 in a Home Depot parking garage in Falls Church, Va. Mr. Franklin testified that he and his wife were packing a wooden shelf into their car on the ground floor of the garage. "I heard a noise and felt something hit me on the side of the face," Mr. Franklin said, weeping and wiping away tears, describing how he was struck by his wife's blood. "I turned to the car to see what it was and I saw my wife on the ground," he said. "I went to her side to see if there was anything I could do and there wasn't."

My Blog

Yesterday was my first smoke free day. My lungs feel like shit right now. I have a headache. This will all pass as time goes on. I don’t really feel like having a smoke now, but in a couple hours I’ll be off the wall. I’m glad that I am doing this. It is really important that I clean myself up completely. I can’t imagine what it will be like being a non-smoker. It will probably feel really good. I hope I can do it. Anyways… before the meeting last night I went with my parents to the IHOP. Now I don’t really like pancakes, but I had a country fried steak and it was alright. After dinner, I went up to Webster’s. I talked to some people… Had a good time… And then the meeting started. The Big Book Reading was on the 10th and 11th steps. The 10th is about taking a personal inventory every day, and the 11th is about prayer and meditation. It was some good reading. Not the best though. After the meeting I took Ben home… long, long, long story. I also had a great talk with Dan too. Mostly about drama. Out
Jackson // 11:17 AM
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Tuesday, January 14, 2003:
Word Of The Day

querulous \KWER-uh-luhs; -yuh\, adjective:
1. Apt to find fault; habitually complaining.
2. Expressing complaint; fretful; whining.

The querulous student had a .15 grade point average.

Today’s News

The Shiite Muslim clan that oversees the gilded shrine of Abbas, where officials of Iraq's ruling Baath party were hanged during the rebellion against President Saddam Hussein after the last gulf war, recently decided that Iraq's ruler might need reassurance that no sequel was under consideration. So 50 of them sent him an oversize petition written with their blood. "We declare that we will volunteer to defend our victorious Iraq and its holy land," read the flowing, two-inch-high maroon script in part. "We give you our commitment as loyal men to stand behind the banner of 'God is Great,' to stand against the evil West, the infidels and international Zionism." Ever since that last uprising, Mr. Hussein has tried to buttress his popularity across southern Iraq, the heartland of the country's 55 percent majority Shiites. The region holds vast oil fields and Iraq's limited gateway to the sea and is generally considered his most vulnerable point in the event of an American-led invasion.

My Blog…

Well… Yesterday we had to put down our newest dog cocoa. It is a shame. She was such a sweet and playful dog but she would not stop fighting with Sheba. When I say fighting, I mean fighting. Torn flesh and blood. Hopefully right now she is in Dog Heaven. Anyways… Yesterday was good other than that. I went out to dinner with my parents and then went to the Beck center for my classical guitar ensemble. I am beginning to recognize notes in the music. That means I am making progress with learning how to read music. It is really not all that bad. You just have to have quick eyes. So… After the guitar ensemble I went to an A.A. meeting in Lakewood on Detroit Road. Alex Massey… The guy who rung my neck a few weeks back led. Now do not forget… he made amends… and so did I. After the lead I went home and decided that I had had my last cigarette of my life. I have almost fifteen hours of cig sobriety. It is kinda hard. I have a really bad headache. I know this stuff will go away. I feel good that I don’t have smoke on my breath. The meeting tonight is going to suck. It is the Basement big book meeting. Almost everybody smokes there. I really will have to suck it up. You know? I am waiting for my father to get home so a can get some Starbucks and some Brugers. I will leave you now with something good:

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
Jackson // 11:50 AM
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Monday, January 13, 2003:
Word Of The Day

sedulous \SEJ-uh-luhs\, adjective:
1. Diligent in application or pursuit; steadily industrious.
2. Characterized by or accomplished with care and
perseverance.

The sedulous journey was one of peril.

Today’s News

Stephen M. Case, the former chief executive of America Online who engineered its acquisition of Time Warner, resigned last night as chairman of the combined company, AOL Time Warner, bowing to shareholder anger over the dismal results of the merger. He will remain as a board member. Mr. Case's sudden resignation is the culmination of an 18-year rise on the “crest of the Internet boom”, which took him from founding an obscure start-up betting on the future of an unknown medium to becoming the top executive of the world's largest media company. Now, he becomes the latest media empire builder to resign from the helm of a communications conglomerate in the boom's aftermath, following the departures of Jean-Marie Messier from the chairmanship of Vivendi Universal and Thomas Middelhoff from the top job at Bertelsmann.

Yesterday was a good day but very tiring. After getting home from the Twelve Step Weekend I went to the bed and took a nap. It was a very good nap… I should take naps more often. I am very knocked out from the weekend. I can’t think straight yet. Anyways… I went to a lead meeting last night. The lead really sucked to be quite honest. The group made a forty-eight dollar profit off the raffle tickets. I know I am talking about yesterday but I am having a real hard time with this no smoking stuff. It is not cool. I will try my hardest to fight it though. Anyways… There was this kid who weighed about 350 pounds and was 15 years old who said he likes to kill people with pitchforks. So far he has killed 12 people. No joke… that’s what he said… HELLO… THAT’S NOT FUNNY YOU LITTLE PRICK…!!! That’s what I should’ve said to him. And then, I would have gave him a swirly… I am not like that. I g2g ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>
Jackson // 3:28 PM
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Sunday, January 12, 2003:
Word Of The Day

gloaming \GLOH-ming\, noun:
Twilight; dusk.

The gloaming was amazing.

Today’s News

Thousands of military personnel facing deployment for a possible war with Iraq are also confronting a threat on the home front — the risk of identity theft after burglars stole computerized records from a health care company in Phoenix last month. The names, addresses, telephone numbers, birth dates and Social Security numbers of about 562,000 troops, dependents and retirees were on laptops and computer hard drives stolen from a nondescript building in an industrial park on Dec. 14, company officials said. Some medical claim records for people on active duty were also stolen from the company, Tri-West Healthcare Alliance.

My Blog Dude:

This weekend was the twelve step weekend. It was pretty amazing. I didn’t really like a lot of the presentations, except for Frank Lorenz and Bruce Abraham. Bruce made me cry. He was talking about his bike trip with Chuck and how they road through Utah. I started to think of my old inpatient rehab out there. It was a good memory. Other than that there were no major events there. A couple really odd people that I want to tell, “shit the f*ck up.” Lololol. There were some people who haven’t been there before. I felt really good there until I woke up this morning. I felt exhausted in every way possible. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I always love to see Bruce, Ken, Marvin, Quintin, and Tedro’s Mom. Hey I’m sorry… I am bone dry with thoughts right now… I’ll come back and write when I can think.
Jackson // 6:17 PM
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Thursday, January 09, 2003:
Word Of The Day

obviate \OB-vee-ayt\, transitive verb:
To prevent by interception; to anticipate and dispose of or
make unnecessary.

His role on the team was to obviate the other teams touchdowns.

Today’s News

A fully loaded commuter plane departing here for a short flight to Greer, S.C., veered left this morning and went down seconds after taking off, slamming into a maintenance hangar and bursting into flames. All 21 people on board were killed. A crew member radioed an emergency to the tower at Charlotte/ Douglas International Airport, officials said, but did not say anything further. The cause of the crash, the first major airline accident in the United States in nearly 14 months, was not immediately clear. There were no early indications of sabotage, federal officials said, but they ruled nothing out, including the possibility that the plane, a twin-engine turboprop with seating for 19 passengers and 2 pilots, was overloaded.

My Blog…

Yesterday was an odd day. I went out to lunch with my family. I went home and locked my keys in my car. My dad could not find his keys and the kid coming for guitar lessons did not show up. To top it all off his Mom called me up and had a tone with me. Man… I am telling you some people are just flat out stupid. So after all this, I borrowed my bro’s car and went up to Starbucks with Lauren. I had a good time. I finally got to drive the corolla. That was awesome. I went to a meeting last night with Todd, Ben (FNG#1), and the FNG #2. Note: FNG is short for F*CK*N NEW GUY. It was pretty fun. The lead had a lot of really great things to say. I think the new people who were serious should’ve got something out of it. You know what… I have noticed that I don’t really act stupid anymore. The is f ing awesome. I am gonna let you go. Love: The Dude…
Jackson // 2:10 PM
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Wednesday, January 08, 2003:
Yesterday’s Word Of The Day

quidnunc \KWID-nuhngk\, noun:
One who is curious to know everything that passes; one who
knows or pretends to know all that is going on; a gossip; a
busybody.

Jason Saddler is a quidnunc. He doesn’t know sh*t.

Today’s Word Of The Day

provenance \PROV-uh-nuhn(t)s\, noun:
Origin; source.

The provenance of this curse is deeply rooted in the stories of African folk lore.

Yesterday’s News

Caracas, Venezuela--
Energy Minister Rafael Ram?rez said today that the government planned to take the state-owned oil company, the world's fifth largest, and break it in two, hoping to snap the back of a devastating six-week strike aimed at driving President Hugo Ch?vez from power. Mr. Ram?rez, who offered preliminary details of the plan in an interview, said the government intended a sweeping restructuring of Petr?leos de Venezuela.

Today’s News

Spending on health care is increasing at the fastest rate in a decade, reflecting greater use of hospitals and prescription drugs and the declining influence of managed care, the government reported today.
The steep increase in spending has put immense new pressures on consumers, employers and public programs. In 2001, health spending rose 8.7 percent, to $1.4 trillion, and accounted for 14.1 percent of the total economy, the largest share on record, the report said. Spending averaged $5,035 for each person in the United States. The increase came even as the nation slipped into a recession, created by the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

My Blog

The last couple of days have been great. On Monday I hung out at home and the went to the meeting. The guy that was leading befriended Chris Bando (ex sh*tty catcher for the Indians) during the eighties. Supposedly he lived with Bando out in Arizona during the off season. But… the lead was boring. What happened after the meeting was fun, fun, and more fun. Fruit, Nate, Ben, and I hit up Friendly’s up in Westlake. We had a lot of great laughs. You know… stuff like that. Then, I went home and went to sleep. Most of my day yesterday I was folding clothes and cool stuff like that. At around five o’ clock my Brother and I met my parents up at T.G.I. Friday’s to eat some dinner. I had a good time… except that we had a big long argument about who busted the damn iron. That was not cool. After dinner I hit up Border’s; to pick up the Blow soundtrack; and then met Todd at Starbucks. We went up to the Tuesday Basement Big Book meeting. That was a great time. I learned a lot of things there. I realized that the only was I will ever pay off drugs dealers is by donating money to charities. That was a good thing. I don’t ever want to had any of those people money in my life.

The Lyrics nobody knows!

Madman dummers bummers, Indians in the summer, With a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps As the adolescent pumps his way into his hat
With a boulder my shoulder, feeling kinda older, I tripped the merry-go-round
With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin, the calliope crashed to the ground

Blinded by the light revved up like a deuce Another runner in the night

Some silicon sister with a manager mister told me I got what it takes.
I'll turn you on sonny to something strong play that song with the funky break
And go-cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart to see if it was safe outside
And little hurdy-gurdy came by in his curly-whirly and asked me if i needed a ride

Blinded by the light revved up like a deuce Another runner in the night

She got down but she never got tired
She's gonna make it to the night
She's gonna make it through the night

Oh momma that's where the fun is
But momma that's where the fun is

Momma always told me not to look in the eye's on the sun
But momma that's where the fun is

Some brimstone-baritone, anti-cyclone Rolling Stone Preacher from the East,
says dethrone the Dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone thats what they expect it least
And a new grown chaperone was standing in the corner watching the young girls dance
and some fresh sown moonstone was messing with his frozen zone, reminding him of romance

Blinded by the light revved up like a deuce Another runner in the night

Now Scott with the sling-shot finally found a tender spot throws his lover in the sand
and some blood-shot forget-me-not said daddy's within earshot, save the buckshot, turn up the band
Jackson // 12:44 PM
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Monday, January 06, 2003:
Today’s News:

On Monday a man stole a small plane at gunpoint from an airport in Babenhausen an flew to Frankfurt Germany and treatened to crash the plane into the European Central Bank. The plane circled downtown Frankfurt for more than an hour, at times coming close to skyscrapers and flying low to the ground, as authorities spoke to the pilot from the control tower at Frankfurt International Airport to persuade him to land.

Word Of The Day:

subaltern \suhb-OL-tuhrn; SUHB-uhl-tuhrn\, adjective:
1. Ranked or ranged below; subordinate; inferior.
2. (Chiefly British) Ranking as a junior officer; being below
the rank of captain.
3. (Logic) Asserting only a part of what is asserted in a
related proposition.

noun:
1. A person holding a subordinate position.
2. (Chiefly British) A commissioned military officer below the
rank of captain.
3. (Logic) A subaltern proposition.

The subaltern is becoming close to being a Captain.

Blogman’s Break:

“I have a machine gun now… Ho… Ho… Ho…” wrote John Mclain on the dead German’s shirt. Damn that’s a great movie. Anyways… this is my first day back from my Christmas break. I had a blast over Christmas and New Years! I stayed sober! Over Christmas my brother (Mat) and the guy that lives with us (Mark) came home. I had a good time with them. We went to see Stone Soup (my sponsor’s band) play around the beginning of the break. Mat thought that they were amazing. I can’t think of a better word for Stone Soup. Very emotional rock ‘n’ roll. Some of the best stuff I have heard. I brought Todd and Lauren along with me too. Lauren didn’t seem to amazed but Todd thought that they were good. Some people just don’t like music as much as others. On Christmas Eve Mr. Correl (my Dad’s friend) came over for dinner and talk. I heard some funny things. On Christmas morning we opened presents. I got a play station 2, a digital camera, and new cell phone, a Stevie Ray Vaughn boxed set, and a couple other odds and ends. It was a fun ass day. On New Years Eve I had Chris, Val, and Lauren come over to Watch a movie. Mike dropped by at around 11pm to hang out for a bit. It was fun. After the ball dropped I went outside to have a smoke and I started to get teary. I realized that I am alive. I never thought I’d make it to see 2003. It was a very spiritual thought. I felt like God was standing next to me. Also… over the break I went bowling a few times. I got a 196 last time I went. I am very happy about that. I got five strikes in a row in the first five frames. It was sweet. That is pretty much what basically happened over the break. There are a couple things I left out; like how my friend’s girlfriend grabbed onto my ass during the “Our Father” last night at the A.A. meeting. I won’t get into that though. But… there was a lot of love over that break… A lot of happiness. Good bye… until tomorrow.
Jackson // 3:52 PM